This is an update of my MD from last year, which you can find here. All figures are in CAD. (Approx. CAD/USD conversion is 1 CAD = 0.75 USD. So my income is ~$58,240 USD. I've tried to note the change since last time where I could!
Section One: Assets and Debt

• Total NW: $81,100
  • Up from ~$58,000 last year.
• Retirement Balance (and how you got there): $62,230
  • Up from $45,466 last year. I've been adding to my RRSP since my first "real" job in highschool - while my early contributions were miniscule, it got me in the habit of saving. My previous employer had a good match, which also helped.
• Savings account balance: $11,290
  • TFSA up from $9,846 last year. Not a huge improvement - I focused more on my RRSP and Emergency Fund this year.
• Emergency Fund Balance: $7,500
  • Was $1,103 last year.
• Chequing Account Balance:
  • Almost everything gets autotransferred on payday to my retirement accounts, sinking funds, or a holding account where my bills are autopaid from. I only keep my "discretionary spending" money in this account.
• Debt: None. I pay off my cc as soon as I make a purchase, and check my transactions/pay off any autopay on a weekly basis. I run all my purchases through my cc to get points toward free groceries.
• Additional Questions:
  • Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?: There was expectation, but not from family - I was the first in my family to go to higher ed. They saved and planned to contribute if I did want to go, but what I did after highschool was up to me. I was top of my class in highschool so there was a lot of expectations from the other adults in my life (teachers, school counselors, etc) that I would really make something of myself. My parents paid my tuition for two years of my undergrad, my grandparents gave me a few thousand dollars as a gift toward my expenses and the remainder I paid for myself with my savings from working part time and through summers.
  • Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances? We didn't have any serious conversations about money, but there was a lot of emphasis on saving long term, saving up for things we wanted, and occasionally if I wanted something expensive (like when I wanted my hair done for middle school graduation), a discussion about how mom or dad would have worked X hours to pay for it. I never felt hard done by, but there were definitely a lot of things other kids had or got to do that we didn't. Once I got my first job I didn't get any spending money from my parents anymore.
  • What was your first job and why did you get it?: In 8th grade I got a job at my school, cleaning tables during lunch recess (our school didn't have a cafeteria, so kids ate at their desks). The principal offered it to me and my best friend. It paid $50/month. It seems insane now because we were not old enough to work legally. In hindsight I think it was the school finding a way to subsidize the costs of the year-end school trip (a week-long overnight trip out of province) for two families who didn't quite qualify for the school's official aid but wouldn't have been able to afford it otherwise. All the money went to the trip, and I babysat to get some spending money.
  • Did you worry about money growing up?: Not really. There were some lean times but I never felt like I really wanted for anything. By the time I was in highschool things had gotten much more stable.
  • Do you worry about money now? Yep. Not about day-to-day spending, but I worry about longer-range money issues like whether I'll be able to own a home, save enough to retire, etc. A lot of my friends are a lot more comfortable and able to buy homes and generally be freer with money, mostly those in dual-income-no-kids situations - and I'm feeling that lag a bit.
  • At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?: I haven't received any financial support from family since I was about 20, but if my parents come to visit me they'll usually bring some grocery items from their Costco runs and refuse to accept payment for it. I currently have about 4 months' emergency fund saved, and could last another 6 on my TFSA if I needed to. Working on bumping this up!
  • Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income?: While I was in undergrad and paying my own tuition my grandparents gave me $2000 as a birthday gift to give me a little breathing room in my budget and so "you can do something other than work and study". They were hoping it would enable me to meet a husband and get my MRS (hahaha). It did not, but it did ease my stress about money.

Section Two: Income

• Main Job Monthly Take Home: $3,816 after deductions. I got a 10% raise in July.
  • Deductions: Tax $882, EI $86, CPP $137, Retirement plan $210 (matched by employer)
• PTO: 18 days + 5 additional during the holidays when our office is shut.
• Bonus: I get a bonus each year from the day job as well. This year, $5500 pre-tax.
• Side Gig Monthly Take Home: ~$900 averaged monthly
  • Varies year to year based on student enrolment and whether I get funding for additional content development time.
• Salary Story (Averaged hourly earnings into approx annual earnings so it's more "apples to apples" comparison)
  • Pre-2010: ~$15-20k per year. Various jobs during highschool and university. Retail, farm and animal shelter work, tutoring, baby/pet/housesitting, factory job in the summers.
  • 2010: ~$35k Intern, Retail, Nanny, Temp. I graduated university and started some postgrad certificate courses full time through summer. Had a PT retail job, a FT unpaid internship after summer classes ended, and was a nanny for a relative's kids in exchange for a steep discount on room and board. After my internship ended I picked up a temp receptionist gig that paid well while it lasted - I was able to save up to move out to my own place after Christmas.
  • Q1 + Q2 of 2011: ~$22k Freelancer / Assistant. The company I interned for hired me back as a freelancer at $19/hr, and I got a remote job as a "business assistant" (aka whatever they needed) at min wage, but I could set my own hours and work up to 35hrs/week. I crammed in as much as I could because my freelance job wasn't guaranteed.
  • Remainder of 2011: ~$36k - Digital Assistant. My day job offered me a FT position and I was so grateful for the stability (my freelance hours had been uneven) that I accepted their first offer not realizing it was less than I was making as a freelancer. I remind myself that at least now I have benefits and some security, and I still have my other job. Two weeks later they tell me if I don't quit my remote "business assistant" job I'll be fired since that company is in the same industry, so I do. Pushover!
  • 2013: ~37k - Digital Assistant. Yep, two years, no promotion, small raise. Love working in the arts! /s. After I was forced out of my remote job in 2011 I started babysitting, petsitting, shoveling snow for my older neighbours - anything I could to bring in some extra cash, but I have no idea what I made from that work. Most of it ended up going out the door pretty quick on regular life expenses.
  • 2014: $40k - Digital Coordinator. Promotion at last. I struggled a lot with depression throughout the end of 2013 and all of 2014 after some traumatic events, and I'm so shocked and thrilled that something good actually happened. I don't negotiate because I'm a husk of a person. By this point I'm not functional enough to keep up all my side gigs.
  • 2016: ~$45k - Digital Coordinator / Instructor: After so much therapy I'm starting to realize my company is trash and my industry is a dead end for me, and I actually have the confidence to do something about it. I dump my shitty boyfriend. I get a part time gig as an instructor. My boss tells me in my performance review I have "no leadership potential" and I go home and immediately start looking for another job.
  • 2017: ~$63k - Product Manager / Instructor: After many failed interviews, I finally get a new job offer at $55k - less than a PM typically makes in Toronto, but more than I was making before, and I was so hungry for a new opportunity I just jump on it. My new manager is really invested in my PD, within the first few months they have me speak on their behalf at three conferences and commit to $2,500 of PD spending.
  • 2018: ~$76k - Product Manager / Instructor: I get a raise at my day job (modest - about $2500) but it's a crackerjack year for the course I teach - it's a high enrolment year so I have more sections. Less free time, but now that I'm more experienced it's a bit easier and it'd be hard to find another side gig that pays as well for the amount of time I put in.
  • 2020: ~78k - Product Manager / Instructor: Sensing a theme? I'm not much of a job hopper, which I know is impacting my salary growth, but I'm a "craves stability" person and I love my job, they are constantly giving me opportunities to learn and grow and investing in my PD. Plus a 10% raise.

Section Three: Expenses

• Rent: $1,505 including utilities - just went up from $1,476 in September. I live solo in a one-bedroom in an old walk-up building.
• Renters insurance: $29
• Retirement contributions: $1,600
• Sinking Funds contributions: $205
• Emergency Fund contribution: $500, plus occasional random lump sums if I have discretionary funds left over.
• Donations: approx $100/mo, sometimes more. I volunteer about 10-15 hrs/month with different organizations throughout the year, though it varies based on their activities. Been helping with a lot of digital admin/tech support/mailing list stuff this year.
• Internet: $68
• Cellphone: $48
• Transit: About $14/month - I'm working from home, and my neighbourhood has everything I need within walking distance. I use transit a handful of times a month these days, so I just plonk some money on my card when I need to.
• Therapy: $540 per quarter for BetterHelp, approx $168/month.
  • I get $800/year reimbursed under my work benefits.
• Subscriptions: $27 - Netflix, Spotify, extra iCloud storage, and a Quip toothbrush.

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Diary:

Day 1 - Thursday ($42)

9am - Slept in! I have today and tomorrow off (using up some PTO) and am glad for the extra rest, but the construction work around my apartment building kicks off at 9:01 on the dot, waking me up. I browse the internet before showering and getting the day started.
11am - I have a massage appointment so I mask up and walk over. It’s a sunny fall morning, so an enjoyable walk. I’ve been in a lot of pain the last while after an unexpected hospital stay and medical procedures so I’m really looking forward to some relief now that I’m cleared to have this massage! ($30 tip for my RMT, insurance covers the actual bill.) I was nervous about COVID safety but this is a small clinic and they’re taking it really seriously (face shields and masks for all!), and it’s nice to have a massage - it’s the first “non-invasive, non-medical” human touch I’ll have since March, since I live by myself and have been strict about distancing. I have to say, it feels incredibly weird to be naked except a mask. Like being naked with a watch on.
12:45pm - I feel so much better! I walk a long route home to enjoy the sunshine and stop at a bakery and pick up some pumpkin, apple, and caramel scones ($12 for three, incl tip), since they have a little doorway table for service. Most cafes in the neighbourhood have restored indoor seating and I feel weird about going inside past unmasked diners. Once I get back home I have a scone, spend a couple of hours answering students’ questions for my teaching job, and wash some dishes in the kitchen. The afternoon sort of disappears into that, plus some random internet browsing/YouTube sewing tutorials.
6pm - Therapy call (prepaid - I use BetterHelp and pay quarterly - I’m due to pay in 2 weeks). I am so grateful to be back in therapy. Isolation has been hard on me, and my medical situation really left me raw. It’s scary to have a totally normal day and end it in an ambulance unexpectedly, and I’m still unpacking my feelings about it.
7pm - I sodastream some water, add lavender syrup, and hop on Zoom for game night with some friends. We play Jackbox games together and snort-laugh the whole way through. This is a new group I was just starting to befriend IRL in the weeks before the pandemic. These weekly game nights have been so great to keep the momentum.
9pm - I dress my last tortilla as a pizza, bake it, and then dump the remainder of a box of arugula on top after it’s out of the oven and eat it over the sink like a crispy pizza taco. After eating I text a bit with a guy I met on reddit (henceforth RG - Reddit Guy - same guy from my last MD.) He sends me a video of his dog doing tricks, and we count down and hit play on the same TV episode. We’ve been doing this little nightly ritual since the start of the pandemic, and it’s a nice way to keep this long-distance whatever-this-is going. Things have stepped up from merely flirty to decidedly romantic in the last year, but with the US/Canadian border closed for the foreseeable future who knows where this is going or if we’ll ever get to meet.
11:30pm - I have a quick warm bath before bedtime and after making a nest from all my pillows, fall asleep to a “sleep story” from the Calm app. Some smooth-voiced man talking about an island in Norway takes me away.

Day 2 - Friday ($69)

8am - I wake up before my alarm, laze around in bed reading newsletters and reddit. I open my work email, file away all the automated messages I get from our software, and close it again. I usually check it once a day on vacation just to clear that shit as a gift to my future self.
9:30am - I shower while listening to a podcast and check my messages while brushing my teeth. A neighbourhood pal asks if I want to have a coffee in the park with her before it gets too cold for these outside meetups. I reply and we arrange a plan to meet up.
10:15am - My friend texts and says she’s going to stop at Starbucks on her way to the park - do I want her to grab me anything? I mobile order a caramel apple spice ($5 - I’m off caffeine - doctor’s orders) and tell her it should be there waiting when she gets there. I bring the two remaining scones from yesterday’s bakery trip for us. We hang out at the park for a few hours on our distanced blankets, chatting until our fingertips are thoroughly chilled. Like a lot of my friends, the pandemic has had her and her partner seeking cheaper, more spacious dwellings out of the city. They’re moving in a few months. This is the fourth such announcement I’ve had this fall, so I’m better at being excited for them and asking questions all about their new digs rather than being openly bummed. But inside I’m a little gutted. It’s hard to watch my people move away!
12:30pm: I took the long route home from the park, then settle in with some mint tea and check on my students. I’m teaching online this semester and the course is “asynchronous” - meaning they move through interactive modules of written+video content at their own pace, so I post and reply frequently on the discussion boards, answer emails, and help them along. I have a chatty group this term - there’s a very active kdrama discussion thread in the “non-course related” board. I love when my online students still work at connecting with their classmates - I can’t imagine what it would be like trying to do fully online school and missing out on that in-person experience.
2pm - I whip up a quick chicken soup with some chicken and veggies from the freezer, some egg noodles and a bouillon cube and eat that before spending the afternoon cleaning up - vacuuming, laundry, and online browsing for some sewing supplies. I spend $64 on some additional fabric and bias tape I keep forgetting to buy to finish some projects. I can’t wait to go to fabric stores in person again someday. While waiting for my stuff to finish in the dryer, I do a short Yoga with Adriene video.
7:30pm - After dinner, a friend calls to complain about her boyfriend and we chat for awhile while I organize my craft supplies into bins I picked up at the dollar store last weekend. He’s been a grade-A dingus since the beginning of the pandemic, and just told her one of his roommates tested positive for COVID - on Monday. He stayed with her Tuesday and Wednesday and “forgot to mention it”. DUDE. C’mon! I tell her if she needs anything dropped off at her place - groceries, drugstore stuff, emergency ice cream or baked goods - just call.
10pm - I make some popcorn and queue up Kim’s Convenience with RG, we chitchat about the day and plans for the weekend. After a few episodes I crawl into bed while he tells me all about a COVID-safe date we could go on if we weren’t separated by a few hundred kilometres. It’s a nice daydream.

Day 3 - Saturday ($0)

~1am - My downstairs neighbours are suddenly blasting music so loud my bedframe is vibrating. At 1am. Shoot me. By 1:45 I’m over it and go downstairs to knock on their door. I bang on their door a few times, no answer. One of the other tenants down the hall comes out, we commiserate over the noise. He bangs on the door too, but the music blasts on. We shrug at eachother and go back to our apartments.
~2am - I’m losing my mind at the noise, which seems to be coming from directly under my bedroom. Assuming they maybe have the bedroom door closed and couldn’t hear the knocking, I go to the living room and grab my set of weights and start dropping them on the bedroom floor over and over again like a maniac hoping to catch their attention. It works though - after a few minutes the music is off. Sweet silence!
8:45am - I wake up, roll over, and doze a bit more before getting up to take my medication and instead of staying up, I crawl back in. I chat with RG a bit and send a check-in text to my friend with the crummy boyfriend.
10:45am - I finally get out of bed (I love laying around. If I’m going to be single with no responsibilities I am going to bask in every moment of it) and I eat leftover roasted cauliflower from last night’s dinner for breakfast. Afterwards I clean the bathroom, put away my laundry from yesterday, and log on to my online class to check in on my students and reply to their posts, and review the material that’s going up next week.
4pm - After the day spent with chores I finish putting together a meal plan for the week and grocery order for delivery tomorrow. I actually love grocery shopping in person, but with the uptick in cases recently I’m less interested in going. Afterwards I check my online class forums again (there’s an assignment due tonight so I want to watch for questions) and then go for a short walk around my neighbourhood. It’s nice to get out a bit and see the leaves changing.
6pm - I make a chickpea and lentil curry in my Instant Pot, adding an assortment of random veggies from my freezer, while RG shoots me a text about starting our “together time” a bit early tonight so we can watch Hamilton together. I agree, and after dinner work on some sewing.
9:30pm - Almost completely finished sewing a shirt - I’ll finish the hem another day and the neckline when the bias tape I ordered shows up. I put everything away and I eat some arrowroot crackers with nutella while watching Hamilton with RG. I’ve already seen it a few times but I love it. Midway through I exchange a few emails with a student who is rapidly approaching the midnight assignment deadline and just can’t get her code working. I can tell right away she’s made a teeny tiny typo that’s had a domino effect on her whole assignment. I point her in the right direction, she fixes it, and ends the night happy.
12am - Curling up in bed. I put on another Calm app story and fall asleep.

Day 4 - Sunday ($127)

7:30am - Trying to reacquaint myself with my alarm after a few days off. I roll over and doze a little until 8, then get up, take my meds, and hop in the shower.
9:45am - One of my American friends calls to chat. She was invited to a wedding and doesn’t want to go because the groom’s family are anti-mask QAnon types and she won’t feel safe there. We brainstorm about what kind of gift is appropriate as an in-absentia “Sorry you married into a family of nutjobs” gift.
10:30am - I wash the dishes from last night, then make a sandwich with hummus and sliced veggies and sit down to eat it while I download my students’ assignments for the week and reply to a few more discussion posts. I’ll get to grading later this afternoon.
1pm - Time vanished into a bunch of little tasks and a wormhole of researching possible holiday gifts for family members.I text with my brother’s girlfriend to get a sense of their whereabouts this week - I’m trying to get a birthday treat delivered to his apartment. She confirms a date and I place the order for some safe-to-eat-raw cookie dough in fun flavours ($37). I’m secretly jealous that this place isn’t local to me because it sounds delicious.
2pm - I sodastream some water, add lime juice, and heat up some leftover curry from last night and settle in to start grading assignments with some music.
4pm - My mom calls to talk about Thanksgiving (next weekend here in Canada). They really want me to come, but with cases rising in the province I don’t know how safe it is and I have a lot of guilt about bringing my city cooties to them in a rural area. They haven’t been that cautious - she talks at length about going to a party the night before. By the end of the call I’m frustrated and undecided. It’s pretty clear if I opt not to go I’ll be the “bad guy”, the daughter who abandoned everyone to move to the city and thinks she’s smarter than everyone else. But I have a lot of anxiety around it.
5:30pm - My grocery delivery arrives ($90, including a tip for the delivery person). I put everything away and eat a few pieces of dried pineapple and mango before getting back to marking.
7:30pm - I cook some salmon and roasted veggies and, while eating, text with a friend about my Thanksgiving dilemma. She’s in a similar boat with her parents, we weigh the pros and cons together but neither of us end up deciding anything.
10pm - I watch an episode of Kim’s Convenience with RG before he goes to bed (he has an early morning tomorrow) and afterwards do a Yoga with Adriene video, poke around on Reddit, and go to bed myself around 11.

Day 5 - Monday ($9)

7:15am - Alarm goes off. I wake up, but mostly scroll Reddit until 8. I desperately miss working from an office with other people and better chairs, but if WFH ever ends I will miss getting to stay in bed as long as humanly possible.
8am - Shower, moisturize and put on some lipstain - that’s the extent of my morning routine these days. I get dressed (I’ve been wearing the same threadbare jeans almost all quarantine. They’re so comfortable, but hideous). I make some tea and oatmeal and move over to my desk.
8:45am - I check my credit card statement online while eating. A return I’ve been waiting on is finally processed (+$41.28) - returns by mail are so slow - I put the parcel in over a month ago. I check my class boards too - no new posts to reply to.
9am - Log into work and post my “hello” message in our staff chat. We have a “Hellos and Goodbyes” room to keep track of people’s comings and goings throughout the day. Our CEO pings me and asks how my time off was. He’s been very attentive since my hospitalization and has been checking in about my workload, how I’m feeling. It’s nice to fee seen.
10am - One on one with my junior PM. We chat on Zoom re: what’s on the docket for our projects this month, and I take her temperature a bit re: work/life balance, how she’s managing our extended work from home and the pandemic. She has a lot of vacation days left and I encourage her to use them even if she’s not planning to go away - mental health and rest is important!
11am - One on one with my manager. She calls via phone since her teenage daughter is doing school on Zoom and their internet is overtaxed. She runs through what I missed last week and updates me on a new project I’ll be taking over from her later this month. I’m currently responsible for ⅗ of our major software projects and this will bring me up to ⅘. (Don’t think I won’t make a big deal about that when it comes time for our next reviews.)
11:45am - Answer a customer support email from someone struggling to use the site. After a bit of back and forth I discover it’s because they’re using a decade-old version of Internet Explorer. I hop on the phone, walk them through upgrading to Edge, and they’re a happy camper. We don’t have customer support at our org - the PMs and Junior PMs manage support for their projects. Some days I hate it, but most of the time it’s satisfying to tackle a small and solvable problem amidst the bigger-picture work.
1pm: Team meeting with my software team. We usually do these in the morning but one of the devs had to take his kid for a COVID test since he’s a bit sniffly - schools here are pretty strict. It’s a short meeting, just getting a sense of how everyone’s moving through the current open projects, and then a show-and-tell of pets, since the aforementioned sniffly kid joined at the end. I do not have any pets and am as delighted by them as the kid.
1:20pm: Lunchtime! I heat up some leftover curry and chat a bit with RG, who’s checking in about my stress level. Since my hospital stay he’s been worried about me pushing too hard and not giving myself time to heal. We talk about our mornings and he tells me he added some new songs he thinks I’ll like to a shared Spotify playlist, so I know what I’ll be listening to this afternoon.
2pm: I spend the afternoon working on spec writing for upcoming development projects while my developers investigate a bug a customer reported over lunch.
5:10pm - I set an alarm on my phone to go off when it’s time to log off for the day. I change into some pants with more structural integrity, mask and jacket up, and go for a walk.
5:45pm: While I’m at the pharmacy picking up my prescription, the pharmacist mentions they have flu shots in, so I get one while I’m there. ($8 for my prescriptions, $1 for the impulse coffee crisp bar, $0 for the peace of mind of being flu-free even if I barely leave my house). While I’m walking home, RG calls from his commute to ask what I’m going to do about Thanksgiving. He thinks I should go - it’s generally safe in my parents’ area (less than 30 active cases in the county), and he gently suggests that the fall is probably going to be pretty hard on me emotionally and it might be a good idea to take the opportunity to go away while it’s relatively safe. I keep thinking it over.
6pm - Cook some chicken and roasted veggies for dinner, and after eating, set up my sewing stuff to finish up that shirt hem and start cutting pattern pieces for another project, a robe, while listening to podcasts.
10pm - I set up my iPad on a stool next to my bathtub and watch Kim’s Convenience with RG on chat while soaking in the warm, bubbly water and drinking some chamomile tea, and eventually dry off and head to bed around 11:30.

Day 6 - Tuesday ($0)

8am - Did I snooze my alarm for an hour? You bet. I just couldn’t stay asleep last night. When I finally wake up, RG has left a little video message for me, which I watch, and then watch again, and then start getting ready for the day. I braided my hair before bed so I have those great post-braid waves today.
8:55am - At my desk, logged in and ready to go with some oatmeal. I drop a note in the staff Hellos and Goodbyes and peek at my class discussion board before picking up where I left off yesterday.
10am - Client call. This client is hoping to do something a little “off label” with our tools. We chat a bit about what they’re hoping to accomplish and what their goals are, and I answer a few data questions for them.
10:30am - Team meeting! We spend some time puzzling through my client’s “off label” ideas, do some digging on another client’s data issue, and then spend a little time watching a funny news blooper one of the devs screenshares and joking around. I don't mind a little fun in our meetings!
11am - Biweekly all-staff meeting. Our CEO gives a little roundup of how things are going big-picture, and then one by one each of my colleagues gives a brief update of what they’re working on. Many pets and children make appearances - as a group the general vibe with interruptions on zooms is “delight”, which I appreciate. Nobody’s trying to “keep up appearances”. It’s all a mess we’re in together.
12:20pm - Lunchtime. Check COVID case counts again for my parents’ area (still undecided) while chatting with a friend about her thanksgiving plans. She and her husband have been isolating at a family cabin since early summer, when their city apartment building started renovating. They’re planning a “so bad it’s good” movie marathon, so while I eat leftover curry we chat about our favourite bad-good movies.
1:25pm- Reacquainting myself with some material for my 2pm meeting. I’m on an HR Committee at work and we’re meeting to check in on our work/life and wellness strategies as we head into another WFH quarter. The transition to remote has gone (mostly) well for our company, but there’s always room to improve!
3pm - After the HR meeting I put together a custom report request for our database team to run for me, and then pull up our team’s roadmap for the fiscal year and make some tweaks. I share developers with other teams and I know a big project has dropped in for them elsewhere, so I adjust. We’re already close to hitting our metrics for the year so I’m happy to let the other teams keep my devs busy for awhile while I prep and spec some larger feature builds for them.
4pm - My friend with the dingus boyfriend texts. Luckily, both she and her boyfriend tested negative, but since he lives with someone who’s sick, they’ll both need to test again in a few days. She talks about wanting to break up with him. I encourage her to take her time thinking about it. I think they should break up - he’s a dope. But she’s the one in the relationship - not my call!
5:15pm - I log off for a bit. I’m feeling a bit drained today. I didn’t sleep well last night and I know my indecision about Thanksgiving is weighing on me. I do a yoga video and lay on the floor crying afterward. It happens, part of that good ol’ depression life. Sometimes you just need a lil cry. I’ve been really emotionally overwhelmed since my hospitalization, and some close friends have really broken my trust recently. I’m working on it with my therapist, but sometimes you’re just fresh outta emotional juice, and while I love my family, we’re not close - time with them would be nice, but it’s not restorative.
7:10pm - Alright alright. Time to rally. I log on to my online portal and reply to my students’ board posts and questions. They seem like they’re doing a good job grasping the material, which makes me happy. I never wanted to be a teacher but it makes me feel so satisfied when I can see their progress. It cheers me up a little.
8:45pm - Time got away from me doing that work. I throw some fish and veggies into the oven and call my parents. I tell them I'm still undecided about Thanksgiving, Mom complains that I'm taking things too seriously, I text her the graph of cases again. She tells me I can make a day-before decision if I want to, that they'll isolate the rest of the week, for real, but she just needs to know by Friday around noon if I want to be picked up. I appreciate the extra time to consider things. Then Mom asks me to place a grocery click-and-collect order for her (she's not good at internet). I say I will, and she proceeds to slowly text me a grocery list one item at a time for the next hour. LOL. Moms.
10:15pm - I drink some sparkling water while watching Kim’s Convenience with RG on chat. After one episode I’m wiped, so I go to wash up. By the time I’m getting into bed, RG has left me a video message - the first half is his dog adorably snoring. The second half is just him telling me everything’s going to be OK and apologizing that he can’t be here to do our own Thanksgiving. Cry again - happier tears this time.

Day 7 - Wednesday ($0)

8:20am - Cutting it close today, wakeup-wise. It took me forever to fall asleep last night so I snooze a lot today, but when I finally get up, RG’s left me another voice memo encouraging me to get up and kick this day’s ass. I’ll try! I have a quick shower, mist my hair to refresh the curl a little, and get dressed.
9am - Log on and say hi to the team, then help the marketing team with some content for our monthly newsletter. Once that’s done, I make a smoothie with frozen mango and dragonfruit, then head back to my desk to load some data into our internal dashboards for our CEO’s reports later this week. Once it’s loaded, he DMs me and we chat a bit about the comparison year over year, possible insights, nerd out about graphs a bit.
10:30am - Team meeting. Alongside the usual updates I’ve added extra time to discuss some upcoming features and the specs I have in progress. I don’t love speccing something without involving them - they feel a lot more ownership when they’ve had a chance to be involved in the process. They get really excited about the new build and ask if I can reassign them to this instead of the other project they’re pinch hitting on now. Nice try!
12:15pm - Lunchtime! Some colleagues and I hop into Netflix Party to watch an episode of Queer Eye together. When we were in the office we used to have occasional TV lunch parties so we’ve been trying to mimic that in our new WFH life. I eat the last of my leftover curry while our Netflix Party chat goes OFF in full home-porn-drool at the reveal of Bobby’s house makeover.
1pm - Back to work, more data audits for our research team.
2pm - Internal meeting with another colleague about a section of her project I’m pitch-hitting on - super productive. She runs a tight meeting and I really admire her. After the meeting I write specs for the rest of the day based on the meeting this morning. I put on some old episodes of Reply All and get stuck in.
5:15pm - Head out for a short walk around the neighbourhood to get some air and outside time, talk a bit with RG while he’s on his commute. Once I’m back home, I do some tidying up.
6pm - Therapy call, I talk a bit about my Thanksgiving dilemma but we move on to other topics too. Feeling a bit better than yesterday, but a little rough around the edges. These are the kinds of days where I tend to feel tempted to order in, and while I scroll UberEats, nothing really looks that good, so I close the app and decide to just cook what I’d planned.
7pm - Make dinner, chicken and roasted veggies again. What can I say, I’ll party down on garlicky roasted broccoli any day of the week. I wash dishes when I’m done eating.
8pm - Pop online to check out my students’ posts for the day and reply to some emails. I briefly scroll through stuff on the IKEA website. I’ve been hoping to get some inserts for my Kallax unit, but the ones I want aren’t in stock, still.
9pm - Shower and wash my hair. I get out a shower scrub from Lush and really go to town, I do the Aztec Secret clay mask too. Why not!
9:45pm - Post up on the couch with some sparkling water, ready for TV time with RG. We watch the last two episodes of Kim’s Convenience and chat a bit before bed about what to watch next - we have a lot of good options, but decide to just see what we’re in the mood for tomorrow.
Weekly Total: $247

• Food + Drink: $108
• Fun + Entertainment: $0
• Home + Health: $38
• Clothes + Beauty: $64 on sewing supplies (future clothes + entertainment while I make them?)
• Transport: $0
• Other: $37 (gift)

Reflections: I keep an MD 365 days a year so I can tell by comparison this is on the lower end of an average range for this year so far - I usually get delivery at least once a week (sometimes twice), but I wasn’t feeling it this week! My average spend has really been ticking down the last couple of months. While the pandemic sucks and the isolation is rough (shoutout to my fellow live-aloners), I’m enjoying not spending as much, and that my spending is really heavily weighted toward things that contribute to my sense of well-being.

Hi, I'm new to Reddit and forums in general and I'm absolutely so sick and tired of the draining curse that is... masturbation! I have been evaluating this disease for 3 years now. And have been wanting to stop ever since I started. So my last straw is to come to Nofap. Write down everything I need to so I can better understand it and reflect on it regularly so I can finally put an end to this burden as well as keeping up to date with my progress daily. And hopefully will be able to help other people too! I will split this into 3 groups.
(If you want help and can't be bothered to read this lengthy post skip to chapters 2 for insight, chapter 3 for help and chapter 4 for a brief summary)

1. My experience with fapping. So... I am almost 21 years old and started fapping when I was 8 years old. It was by complete accident and I thought I was going to become this extremely rich and famous guy for discovering what an orgasm is. I even sold the idea to a couple of year 4 friends for 50p. But it wasn't until the older kids called me a dumb ass and told me it was called 'wanking' then I thought it was normal and I was like everyone else. But in the depths of my heart I knew it was wrong. I always hid it away from my family as I knew it wasn't right. I always felt disgusted with myself afterwards and always felt dirty inside. But I could never stop doing it because of the exhilarating feeling that always took over me. Heck! between the ages of 9 and 12 I was tugging on the ol' trombone anywhere from 8 to 13 times a day. Until the orgasm felt like I was being stabbed in my wiener multiple times whilst an angel tickled the tip with her fluffy wand. (When it reached this point I toned it down to 3-6 times a day) / (8 if I was feeling frisky) as that experience will always live with me as one of the most painful and strangest feelings I have ever had... So fast forward to when I was 13. I wanted to have sex with someone that bad I ended up screwing a Lucozade bottle instead. But because I had to put it in floppy as it didn't fit. It ended up getting stuck after I got erect and after pulling out I ripped all my banjo line and there was blood everywhere. I was young and dumb at the time and was distraught with fear thinking I was going to get aids. So this actually scared me away from masturbation for a whole year. And man was that a memorable, beautiful year. I felt so alive. full of energy, confident, made lots of friends, I even had a couple of girlfriends I remember it so well! but... When all well... It ends well. As when I was 14, I got introduced to porn from a friend... What a brain washing exciting moment in my life! There was just so much to choose from!!! It beat using my imagination! But in my soul.. I couldn't stand it. That's why as soon as I had done 'The Deed' I turned it off as fast as I turned it on! Because just like a drug addiction, it was just a fix. And just how smoking weed is a gate way drug. So is porn. You start off with the simple basic kinds. But after years of it corrupting your mind you need something new, something fresh! So instead of enriching our brains with activities, hobbies, skills and important information. We taint our mind with... "Shemale bangs chubby midget and gets crapped on by 2 teens" or "bbbbw granny gets choked by 13" wang whilst princess peach rubs her goomba shaped clito" And in reality... it's absolutely disgusting! all it does is use up our valuable time, corrupt our minds, makes us over sexualize women, become sexual deviants and lowers our standards (as well as our penises) in the bedroom. And after I started watching porn I became an unmotivated, no self esteem, beta sorry excuse of a human as I was just an empty husk walking around, sleeping in class, sexualising every female that crossed my path tainted zombie. I use to be in all of the top sets in class, predicted high grades/good things, was liked by many and had so many talents, dreams and aspirations. All that slowly started to fade down the drain. As in the end I failed most of my exams, was always asleep even in school, lost all my friends and lost track of all my aspirations. And There is so much more I haven't touched up on.. Like how I use to use my creativity to make a variety of pocket pussies. Or how every detention I had I thought to myself 'You waste my time? I'll USE IT EFFECTIVELY!' So I'd rub one out under the table and shoot all over my homework, fold it up afterwards and put it into my pocket until detention had finished. Or perhaps how I have Tried everything when it comes to fapping there possibly is for me. from watching every type of feasible porn to even sucking myself off. There is nothing I haven't done and to put it straight... I'M Fecking Bored! So when I was 17 and thrown out of college for being lazy and unreliable I had lots of time on my hands. This is where I had too much time to myself and had too much time to think. At that point in my life I believe I started a spiritual journey. I started reevaluating my life, decisions, experiences, actions and myself to finally understand what it is I was doing wrong and to find out what I should do next. I naturally started meditation (without knowing what it even was) deep critical thinking, energy manipulation involved with my chakras, understanding big life questions to the very best of my own view and learning how to be me again. It is a magical time of my life and is shaping me into the purest form of my natural self. I use to be a compulsive liar, a thief, black out from anger, really fat and greedy, eat absolute garbage, selfish and manipulative. Now I am none of those things. I have reversed all of them and am such a better person because of it. But there is just one thing I can't stop, one thing that links in with the rest and last of my problems that I haven't fixed and that is fapping. I have all my dreams and aspirations back. And I fully believe fapping is stopping me from persuing them!
   
2. Why fapping is bad! I am not a 'fapocologist' But I have been researching this with my own initiative for 3 years or more now. I have done tests on myself from my addiction, to my behaviors and to what fapping and the things related with it do. I've also learnt new things from every rebound I have had, I have 2 good friends who also strongly relate, I have analysed other peoples behavior and analysed others to find out they too have a problem with fapping, So overall I have learnt all these things from my own experience and have had friends and other people clarify on what I have already learnt. So here we come to the question. Why is it bad? Well... There are so many reasons so let me explain. I believe fapping literally drains you of your energy, of your essence if you will. I like to think of the energy like a tree of life! But if you keep wasting/ 'tossing' away your energy. You will never be able to grow the tree. Instead you keep butchering it by chopping it down. or never letting the seed grow in the first place. But the longer we let the seed grow, the bigger and more beautiful the tree will be which also reflects our own energy. And there are so many benefits from it too! Such as being a charismatic, confident lovable guy who no one will be able to resist. It also takes away your self esteem and confidence too making you feel worthless and forgettable which in the end makes you seem that way towards other people just because of the way you feel yourself. It makes you unmotivated to do anything. when some people have free time it is literally hard for them to leave their bed and in return end up fapping the day away. Some people will even want to do constructive things like art, music, writing etc. But find it hard to do so just because they feel that lazy and tied to laying down, usually ending up with depression and the feel of worthlessness. Well guess what. That is also tied with fapping. Why bother getting dopamine releases from doing hard working rewarding activities like improving your art when you can cheat your brain by fapping to get an even bigger dopamine release what only last a fragment of the time doing something constructive and rewarding will get you? "Because it's easy?" what a pathetic way to live... Fapping also drains you, makes you feel so lazy and like a zombie. Becoming monotone in your voice and overall draining to other people. And to other people you literally seem like a shell of a human being. Like there's nothing even in there. You ever wonder why you seem like the odd one out or why you seem so forgettable? It's because your life energy is pretty much non-existent! Ever since learning about the consequences of fapping I can tell just by someones voice if they masturbate too much. I have even asked a lot of them too. And they have all told me the same thing... They all admitted they had a masturbation problem. Finally how much of your life have you wasted masturbating/watching porn?!?! It takes me over an hour to find a good porn video and lets say I have masturbated twice a day for 13 years. (I know it would be a lot more than that!) Now... (minutes) 60x2=120 There is 365 days in a year so... 365daysx13years= 4745 120x4745= 569400 .... 569400 divided by 60= 9490 Now guys... THAT IS 9490 HOURS OF MY LIFE WASTED ON MASTURBATION!!! and I know it will be more than that! This is news to me... I have spent over a year of my life masturbating. I feel like I actually want to cry. what the actual... I could have learnt 20 languages in that time... Or to put it better yet. I could play guitar better or on par with the worlds greatest guitarist... I feel like throwing up. This is insane. I could go on explaining but I will list the rest of the problems. How it makes your muscles scrawny and weak, takes the color out of your eyes, creates depression, creates fatigue, brain fog, harder to remember things, honestly drains your emotions. (You watch a comedy after a fap and I bet you won't find it as funny as you would if you hadn't done for a while) creates abdominal pains and cramps, can create a curved or damaged penis, can damage the testicles and strain/break vessel within your testes too. And overall it just makes you completely 'Soulless!'
   
3. So... How do we fix the issue? How do we stop Fapping Once and for all?... generally speaking it's best if everyone finds their own way of beating masturbation. But here are mine: First off, You cannot stop fapping with will power alone! I used my willpower to stop smoking, doing drugs, lying, start eating healthfully, drinking coffee etc. But masturbation seems to be different altogether. Maybe it's the heat of the moment kind of deal when you see or find something that turns you on and suddenly the emotions and energy overtake you all at once, until you can't stop doing what you're doing until it's too late and the damage is already done. Because that's what happens to me. So I have approached and successful already found a few things to calm 'The urge' down. First you should stop sexualising women. Porn has tainted your brain so every time you see a nice pair of boobs or a juicy ass you stare or fantasize about the what ifs. YOU SHOULDN'T! How would you like it if some creep was doing that to you? And I bet for a some of you, you don't even see women as people anymore, forgetting to look at their face and to connect with them like a friend (like you would when you were an innocent child) But now all you see women as are sexual objects. It's damn ride creepy. So start looking at women like a friend again and stop looking at their private areas. No matter how appealing. Even if they don't have the respect for themselves by wearing sensible clothes. Always remember to have respect for yourself and don't stoop down to their standards. Stay away from harmful sites, dirty videos and if you see something that makes you horny. State to yourself why it's wrong and why it's beneficial to not fap to whatever it is that turned you on, then get away from it as fast as possible. Within time you will perceive things naturally (Like when you were a child) but also seeing things for how they actually are. Also get a porn blocker, safe search or stay away from electronics completely. If you get a porn blocker. Copy and paste a random password from notepad so you can never remember the password Also spiritual practices like meditation, yoga, prayer, creative outlets really do help. But If I don't meditate within 3-5 days I don't have the mental strength to discard or face my urges. As the urges always take over within seconds. Right! If you are doing nothing except sitting around all day in a dark lonely room, laying in bed, playing videogames, watching movies,tv and anime whilst the only thing in the day you get excited for is food. That is going to be your problem! As human beings we need goals/ dreams and aspirations to fulfil, a social life, friends, a romantic partner, income, a job, hobbies besides consumer based ones like watching tv and a little something called vitamin D (The sun) Get ya self outide and get some fresh air! if you get none of those things more than likely you are going to have a masturbation problem as well as other problems too. So what I'm saying is you need to spend your time more efficiently and wisely! Go meet up with some friends! Go outside, clear your mind and be with nature, meditate, Do some productive hobbies. plan a day out with loved ones, get a job and start saving up for things you want most out of life. Just start by doing something! So I did this... Have any of you wanted to do something with your life? Become an animator, A musician, videogame designer, a gourmet chef, a footballer, director, philosopher, scientist... ANYTHING! instead most of us have been brainwashed consumers who play games, watch tv, browse the internet, fap, eat and sleep. We are the ideal consumer! And I for one am sick of it! I want to be a creator instead! I want to do something for this world and will never be able to do it if I am watching, listening and playing things I have already experienced. So start following your dreams! stop letting your urges rule you as a person! start building up your skills and start living life the way you want to! Because we only have one shot... we never know when we will die and we may never have another chance! so don't let your dreams be memories and start building up your aspirations into a reality! So ever coming to that realization. I stopped fapping for almost 2 months and at that point I put in anywhere between 2-6 hours a day with improving my art by drawing, painting and learning how to improve my skills. I was also playing guitar 2 hours a day and was also writing a lot in journals. And I never use to do any of this. Within 2 months of doing this I had learnt several guitar cords and songs, could draw anything I looked at really well, had created many concept ideas and felt like I was pursuing my souls work. I felt like a kid again! I felt so alive, I started attracting old friends back into my life, I felt like I had so much control and love back in my life as well as feeling the most accomplished I had felt in years! But... I had a few days break from it all, started to become a consumer again and... YOU GUESSED IT! I got really horny ... and started fapping. Now I hardly draw, rarely play guitar and only write when I'm too fed up. And it's all linked in with masturbation (aswell as becoming a consumer). My insides are screaming for me to carry on this creative path but my body literally stops me and my urges take over too easily. And I can't persue my dreams if I don't have the energy to persue them. It has been 3 months of this hell now and I feel myself sinking even lower than I was before. But not this time... I am starting a freaking war! And I will beat this disease! IT IS NOW OR NEVER! I am so sick of my hands automatically wandering down to my crotch area, I am sick of Getting easily persuaded by the sexual energy that consumes me! And I am so sick of being that empty shell of a guy who can't do anything with his life and seems to be the most forgettable guy in the world. Well this time it's going to change! This time I will fight! and this time I will WIN!
   
4. THE URGE!
   

• Stop heavily sexualising the things that turn you on, especially the weird kind. You should explore sexual desires with a partner, the internet is not an intimate being/ no real connection and being intimate with yourself is just... selfish.
• If you sexualise women/strangers ask yourself "What would she think if she found out I was doing this" Because bets are she would be disgusted with your behavior. Unless she was a whore. But I would never sink so low anyway.
• If you are the kinda guy that is always staring at a women's body instead of her face, STOP! See her as a normal human being. Like you did with your female friends when you were a child. Look into her eyes not her cleavage!
• Every time you see something that turns you on dismiss it and ask yourself 'how does it benefit you?' 'Is this wrong' 'Is this really what I want?' 'Am I better than this?' etc. and if you face the problem head on you are already beating the urge before it strikes!
• If the urge strikes! (Firstly tho) whatever created the urge, get away from it! close the tab! exit the room! Do whatever has to be done but don't, whatever you do! go along with it!... Afterwards stop what you're doing completely and you can do one of several things. . Face it head on and reason with yourself (Risky move if you are stuck in the energy) Meditate on the urge and give all the cons to why its bad to go along with it (Best method) As well as switching your attention to something else completely. Like something constructive, tidying up, washing up, go outside. (This works but I feel like the urge manifests itself and comes back) so the best approach would be to...
• Deal with the urge head on, THEN focus your attention onto something else, making it the best startergie to overcome it and beat it to the ground creating mental clarity aswell as focus.
• Start filling your time with more constructive, creative, social and life bettering tasks meaning there will be no time for that urge to hit. (The only thing is it could hit you even stronger in your free time)
• Start building up that energy and put it into things you want to accomplish and do in life! It will only build up and get stronger! But if you surcumb to the urge, you will lose it all and start from square one!
• stay away from electronics. Social media, youtube, mindless web browsing and so on. Let's be honest! It gets you no where! a lot of Fake friends! Time consuming random videos and zombiefied web browsing on worthless info. To top it all off. what connection can you get from your devices except an internet one? It's just another life draining hurdle we need to move away from. You probably spend more of your life on social media alone than you do fapping. It's time to get some real connections with real people, learn valuable info and skills instead of mindless videos and web surfing.
• Limit youtube, tv, videogames etc to a weekend/ sunday thing. It means you'll look forward to it more, get more stuff done during the week and because you aren't being a bored consumer. It means you will less likely be fapping the night away.
• Stop being bored! Speaks for itself. Go find something to do. we all know what happens when we become too bored...
• Never ignore the urge as it manifests into a will of it's own.
• Never think you can beat the urge with willpower alone (actually. make it to 3 months and you may have a chance!)

personal experience and opinion.
Finally! the first 3 months are really hard! especially since our sperm cells recycle and regenerate every 3 months. The 7-8 day point is one of the hardest days also day 14 and 19 are hard days too! They are all difficult days within the first 3 months. but after the 3rd month things seem to mellow down. The urge muscle has become stronger so it's easier to fight it. and like any addiction it will become easier once you have (metaphorically speaking) sweated it all out of your system. battling it head on and being Persistent is key!

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-06-26
Link to submission (Has self-text)

Questions	Answers
Some corncob is downvoting every question in this thread. Kinda concerning?	Don't know what downvoting is. Who cares. Probably has time to make carnal passions to his own backdoor with his downvote thumb next though.
If you could drink trunk liquor in the parking lot of the 'Bee's with any three people -- who would you choose?	Stone Cold. Bob Seger. Kid Rock.
What about Guy?	Think Guy might have a little more sophisticaish.
K-Money, what's it like carrying around Lethal Weapon 1 & 2 every day? Do you need permits?!	The real permit I need is for Lethal Weapon 3. (Ha! Just some guy humor there.)
What happened to the boat?	Crap. Should probably check on that.
After they hear about POWER MOVES, which babe will come crawlin' back first for a piece of the captain? Jody, Anne, or Brenda??	Who knows? Might not even have time for farm team when I move up to the majors.
BL 'Nums or a bottle of Crown?	Both, kemosabe.
Would you ever have carnal buttcheeks passions (ha!) with Dave's lady friend?	Not never gonna eat off Dave's dirty plate.
Who's the more macho bad boy, Diamond Dave or the Sammy Hagar?	Depends on the year.
Bratato Salad recipe please, piled high with all the fixins.	It's: tato salad with brat chunks in it. Serve at your next celebraish.
Where did you twitter handle come from? Just a little guy humor?	Just some guy humor.
Did you ever get a chance to speak to Ann about the basement tobasco underwear incident?	After Ann finds out about POWER MOVES, she'll be dreamin' 'bout my wet Tabasco Boxers, 24/7, 365. Open on Sundays.
Any idea how many copies of Power Moves have been pre-ordered?	S'up, Stace. Just found out about Power Moves today. Haven't even had a chance to digest the facts or grunt one out over some thoughts on it.
What color Camaro you gunna buy when you make it big?	Black. Bad Body style. Guy's kinda got the lock down on red. Also, I'm probably not gonna buy it. 'Maro's are so much smoother as a gift. (wink, finger guns, book company.)
What are your feelings on the Nosey Lady situaish? Last time the two of you were in the same room, she was making a beeline for your guy zone. Maybe some unfinished business there?	Nosey probably stays up all night with thoughts on my peener. Don't think I could go back to work there 'cause she'd be distracted by my vibes.
She might even be able to pull some strings and get your old office gig back. Then you'd be making the kind of scratch where you could buy the mobile home of your dreams and take a break from the all-freedom, on-the-road lifestyle.	After POWER MOVES, I'll probably be rollin' in big bank like a boss player, callin' my own shots.
This nosey lady at my work says Guy Fieri is a corncob. What should I say to shut her down?	Tell that Nosey Lady that a real man like Guy Fieri wouldn't upchuck his eggs on her is she was topless and on fire.
If you could have carnal passions with any babe, who would it be?	Any? Ha! Pickin' uno ain't my style. Is Kate Upton mixed with Jamie Lee Curtis in more primo times an answer? Man.
Dreets are great and everything, but what about flaming hot cheeto's?	I got nothin' against Flamin' hots. Bold flavors. More of thing for street kids hangin' out deep frenchin' at a bus stop though.
Would you rather see Bob Seger get elected president or bring Peanut (RIP) back to life?	Seger as CIC. Can just hear Peanut if you brought him back, "Yo why'd to bring me back to this motherf*cker K-Money?! I was drinkin' with Teddy Pendergrass in swagged out heaven!"
You seen Crazy Coot lately? Just whizzed on Dave and then disappeared. Kinda concerning?	Crazy Coot could always maybe be dead. That's just Cooter's way, you guys.
Karl, what's the latest with Captain Karl's Pizza Ship? Where do I inquire about franchising rights for my area?	'Sup, babe. The CK 'Za Ship could take off at ANY time. Just a matter of gettin' the dough together. Who knows, if the POWER MOVES book makes millions of $$$, might be in the next couple weeks?
Which liquor is the best trunk liquor?	The kind in your trunk.
Who wins a fight; Guy Fieri or Barry from Storage Wars?	That's some student and master crap. Too hard to think about. Best to just let the universe decide.
Karl, what's going on with the K-Money Club? Last I heard it was closed for renovations.	Unfortunately, the K-Money Club was closed due to a restroom hazard beyond our control.
Karl, I've got into a pretty heated argument last night with my old lady about golfing with my buddy, Frank the Tank. She doesn't have any problem spending $30 on some stupid crap from Bed Bath and Beyond (more like Bed Barf and Beyond, right?), but if I want to spend $30 on a round of golf, all of a sudden we're the poorest people on the block. What should I tell her to get off my back?	Don't say crap. Just go do what you want. You're an adult, kemosabe.
Sup Karl? You ever heard back from that corncob writer that went bashing on Guy's primo NYC 'rant? Totally shut him down bad boy style! Figured he'd have written you a personal apology letter by now.	Man, that corncob Peener Wells is still probably shakin' in his shoes, fillin' 'em with girl piddles.
Which babe is the most thick in all the right places (talkin' curves here) - Miranda Lambert or Beyonce? Ain't slept none the last few nights thinkin' about it.	Man. Good question. Think that's why cream places invented the "swirl," kemosabe.
Hey Karl - Got an anniversary coming up with my wife - what do you suggest I get her as an anniversary gift? I already gave her Guy Fieri's cookbook last year, and am totally stumped.	Giver a copy of Power Moves and ANYTHING from Zales. Adult passions all night long, guaranteed.
Karl, does pain hurt?	Pain's just a state of mind. Me? I like to keep my mind on rockin'.
Karl, what sort of celebraish you got planned for America's birthday?	Start with a thousand beers. End with a thousand babes. USA.
Any update on the Van Halen frankenstrat tattoo?	Thing about a VH Frankenstrat tattoo, is once you get it, you can kiss the clock goodbye 'cause all your time is gonna be tickin' with 24/7 exotic babes from coast to coast.
Remember Dave's car? What happened to that thing? The skylark?	Still sittin' outside of Brenda's. Looks real nasty. Mighta got set on fire?
I'm having a sub par day. What kind of power moves do I need to turn it around?	Sounds like you need a Timehouse pick me up.
Getting ready to move in with my girl and don't want her lady crap crampin' my style. Any advice?	Don't move in with your girl then, amigo. Nightmare.
Just rocked out some 'shups in the john at work to tone the old 'ceps for the fourth celebraish. How do you keep a rockin beach bod that makes all the babes come crawlin from state to state 24/7 OOS?	'Shups + a floor + sleeves off + healthy no bun burgs and dogs = your meat logs ready to swell and sizzle for all the babes with healthy shelvin' units.
Hey K-man, how are things with you and Anne?	We're just fine, thank you very much. Of course she still craves my bod. Everything's more up to my hectic schedule.
Hey Karl, thanks for helping people out and I hope your leg wound doesn't get infected. What is one app that nobody should ever order? I need to get my app game on point.	Those bean things you get at the oriental place. Them are babe eats.
What's your plan for America's birthday?	Probably drink a thousand beers.
Think nosey lady misses your power moves at work?	Nosey Lady can suck it, DX style.
'Sup K-Money. Babes don't really give me the time of day when I head in to Chili's or B-Dubs and pound Margs. Thinkin' about gettin' a 'rang? Any other advice for me?	'Rang should do it. 'Logne?
Karl, I need your help, bad boy style. I'm at Chilis about to order the Triple Play, what 3 apps should I get?	Double mini burgs and 'chos,
I am asking this for a co-worker of mine who is a loyal follower of yours on twitter. "What happened with you and Cooter's mom?" -asked by Woody.	Prefer that to stay on the hush-hush, respectfully.
How many 'shups in the john can you do? I maxed out at 6 the other day. My guns are swoll and on point.	'Til my snakes are swoll. No need to count. 'Shups ain't Sesame Street.
What is the secret to drinking 1000 beers?	Light beer.
What are your thoughts on the BL Limerita? Bold flavors if you ask me.	Bold flavors. I likes mine in a 2x4 bad boy single serve.
I saw Seger and Kid Rock play together in St. Paul this spring. Is Kid Rock secretly Bob Seger's long lost son, and together are they the key to happiness? Also, why aren't they running Michigan? Or America?? OR THE WORLD???	Bob and Bob are too busy rockin' to run things I guess. But their guidance is with the grace of God.
Karl how many 'shups should I do a day to have pipes like yours?	'Til you look like the Rattlesnake.
Which silky smooth soul brother are you gonna get to play Peanut in the movie version of Power Moves? Maybe Barry O will be free?	Martin Lawrence? Lionel Richie? Either would be chill.
Whatever happened to Captain Karl's Pizza Ship? Bold flavors, wenches with chest beefers, cheetos on anything for a dollar... seems like a no brainer money making situaish. How can I invest? Edit: kickstarter?	After POWER MOVES comes out, ($$$) might open up coast to coast?
Tell us about your hook-up with nosey lady. How did you specifically charm her?	Did I hook up with Nosey Lady? Don't remember that.
What's the best combo for gatorpagne? I'm throwin' a real celebraish and need to know what works best for bringin' out the chest beefers. Orange? Cool blue? Frost?	Red. Then orange.
Kickstarter! Might be cool?	Heard that's some computer beggin' crap. Not my style.
Who are you?	The President and CEO of Bad Boy City, USA.
Any new workout tips?	Cut off your sleeves. Makes you focus on what's important.
Sadly, I had never heard of the wonder that is Karl, but I'm intrigued and looking for guidance. My question- what song would you add to Live Bullet that you think would complete it?	Have to be "Real Mean Bottle" with Kid Rock on a rerelease.
K-Money, S-Dogg here. Now that you're a big time author, what's the word on ROADHOUSE 2012: PAIN STILL DON'T HURT hitting theatres soon?	Don't see how after POWER MOVES takes off, that Roadhouse 2013 can't be on the horizon. Probably have at least a cool million in my pocket so I could just make it myself? Have it rock to perfection.
Pretty sure I got snapped by a speed cam in international lands (Quebec) while accidentally givin it the double freedom rockets in your honor... Should I pay the ticket, or just play it cool?	Chill, if you're on USA soil, they'll probably just throw it away. Can't be expected to listen to Canada laws unless they got somethin' to do with poundin' ice cold Labatt's.
Brochacho! Gay Marriage was just legalized by the Supreme Court! Any words from the "All Freedom" man himself?!	USA. Land of the Free.
	Don't see why the whole thing needed more discussion than that, you guys.
Karl, my lady friend told me she loved me and I froze up in response. Any advice on how to dig myself outta this hole?	If you don't got a heart feelin' for that babe, hit the bricks for an outside meal. 'Less you can't do no better, then keep eatin' your lunch at home.
Do you think Ann's bits are cranked to 10 on the desir-o-meter now that you're a famous writer? Do you think the ensuing fame will increase or decrease your freedom lifestyle? OK, one last one. If your book was to make the Oprah Book Club, do you think Ann's bits would crank to 11, like those boss Spinal Tap amps?	Ann's gonna have to get in line and buy life tickets to see the K-Money show just like everyone else. She had her chance for primo beef on her plate. Now, Ann better just hope Hot n' Now is open.
What do you do to cure hangovers?	Gatorpagne.
Is this book new material or is it a collection of your Tweets?	POWER MOVES is a journal of my life and crap. Should rock.
Karl, congrats on the new book! I'm heading to the lake next weekend for a 4th of July / birthday celebraish' of an old college friend. What should I bring to kick up the party a notch? (Not that celebratin' America's birthday really needs much help)	Crown. Dirty 30 of Busch. Plenty of ice. Some guy mags for peepin' celebraish beefers as a guy to guy adult gift?
I want to write a book so I can live the bad boy author lifestyle, sippin' high-class primo drinks with a babe on each arm. I already have a Camaro so I figure I'm halfway there already. The problem is I don't know what to write about. Got any suggestions for me?	If you got a Camaro, you must have babe tales galore. Write somethin' erotic, that leaves a little to the imaginaish.
"This AMA is leaving some things to be desired. Maybe Twitter is the medium you should stick to. Makes me wonder how shitty the book is going to be." - Critic. What kind of power move does this corncob deserve?	Double middle freedom rockets in his grill and a guy to guy talkin' to behind the scenes.
Who would win in a WWE Tag Team 'Ship match? Legion of Doom (original bad boys of tag team) or Guy Fieri and Diamond Dave?	It'd be close, but Legion would win 'cause it's wrestlin'. If it was rockin'? Guy and Diamond.
What was the response from Hollywood like after they read your script for Roadhouse 2012: Pain Don't Hurt? Was Guy interested in the lead part?	Sure they're just waitin' for timin' to be right. Guy'll probably ring me up for a guy to Guy after he reads POWER MOVES. Really get that $$$ out of bounds, Hollywood player style.
I'm thinkin' about hittin' up Arbs for some of that KING'S Hawaiian Roast Beef, or maybe The BK Lounge for that Carolina BBQ Whopper. Which is he more primo joint?	Why decide between two when you only live once, kemosabe.
How's Al doing?	Don't see Al much anymore. Miss my bro.
What do you think of that corncob Aaron Hernandez being arrested for murder?	I think I'm glad he don't play for my Lions.
What did you do at your old job, where you worked with Nosey Lady?	Just one of those stupid jobs you go to. Answer the phone sometimes? Fill out papers? Who really knows what they do at work anyway?
Karl, you've had some great business ideas throughout the years, but there was one you didn't quite follow through on. Really would've like to see you bring MDMA into health food stores. Did you ever take "the Sweet Bitch" again?	Took some a them drugs again with Cooter. The Sweet Bitch ain't so sweet when you're pal's peener is out during a Pistons game.
Karl, recently there have been two primo advances in beer drinking technology. The Miller Lite Punch Top and the Coors Light Double Vent. Both allow for pounding cold ones at a faster pace (admirable) but which is the superior technology?	I really don't need no fancy help drinkin' cold ones.
My boss is a real corncob--he won't let me drink trunk liquor on my lunch breaks. What should I tell him?	"Let" you?
Hi Karl, here's a situaish for ya. You can only listen to three Seger songs the rest of your life. What three are they and why?	Hey Bo Diddley off Smokin' Ops, Ramblin' Gamblin', and Roll Me Away. Why? 'Cause I had to pick 3.
Hey K-Money, what is the boldest of the bold flavors? "Every now and then you'll nail one that's really, really special. And that's what you live for." -Bob Seger.	Babes.
Karl, you gonna go on the Kid Rock Cruise next year? Sounds right up your alley, hombre. Link to www.kidrockcruise.com.	Who knows? Once Bob hears about POWER MOVES and how it's doin' all kindsa good crap for the glove, he might have me on himself?
How many pushups can you do?	No need for numbers when my bod just tells me when it's swoll to perfection.
Karl, just downed a few Activias, not feelin so hot. What should I do?	Take a nap on the john 'til the darkness ensues.
Karl, what's your favorite movie and have you seen anything recently that you recommend?	Heat? Not sure. Passed out during Fast or Furious 6, but it rocked 'til I took a snooze.
From one bad boy to another, is there ever "too many" cold ones.?	Only if you start to crap up blood out your PU. Dave did that once. Such a grossout.
When was the last time you played golf?	Wonder where my clubs are? Crap.
I have a buddy who swears by Miller 12 gauges. Should I ditch him for somebody who's livin' more appropriately on the bad boy side?	Nah, just means more babes for you when you're out drinkin' a real man's cold one.
Can you clarify if Bean Tooth is receiving or giving oral carnal passions in the underground gentleman's club? Kinda foggy about that situaish. Still hope he didn't pay for it (ha!).	Tooth was givin' as well as payin' for it. Idiot.
What's the recipe for Bratato Salad?	Make a good tato salad. Add brat chunks. Serve.
Karl - if you could give a double freedom rocket salute (shirtless with pipes on swoll, of course) to any 3 people -- who would they be?	That North Korea guy, anybody who doesn't respect the ladies, and whoever came up with Dr. Pepper Ten. So weak.
WTF are BL Nums? I'm British, partial to an ice cold Stella Artois myself, at 4.8% it's on point for putting you in the party mood as well as in terms of bold flavours.	Jeez.
Hey now that you got this book deal, any thoughts on doin some reviews and crap like that? You wrote a couple things on amazon that were real on point. Seems like you could grunt a few of those out a week in your sleep.	Who knows? Gotta see after POWER MOVES takes off. Could be commandin' the big bucks for the 411 from Ol' Karl. $$$
How's it feel to finally be your own boss, after years of takin' toilet naps and workin' for the man?	Feels like I earned it, USA style.
A guy like yourself don't got a lot of time for regrets, but who would you rather get carnal with again - think her name is Karen, or Ken's oolala wife?	Was always kinda bummed that me and Jody never hooked up, carnally. Guess the time just wasn't right.
Capt. Karl, who is in your dream threesome?	Why dream when you can live?
Is it profesh to wear a tank top to work? Some real starchy hombres in my face all day. Want to shake their world view while keeping the upper hand business-wise.	Nothin' like no sleeves to let some starch stains know you're all business, you guys.
You think P-Nut is watching over you, Karl?	Peanut's soul is my co-pilot. And Seger. So, Seger and Peanut? Kinda gettin' bombed.
Yesterday was having some carnal passions with a soul sister when out of nowhere she yells "Give it to me Daddy!" Kinda concerning? I look her right in the eye and shoot her this "I'm nobodies Daddy Kimosabe." (Played it cool, I might have a few kids running around though, the badboy lifestyle can get out of hand sometimes.) Anyways, I ran outa there nude, freedom style and jumped in my '96 'bring right after I said that. Sounds like somethin straight out of a segar song but I swear it's 100% all american truth, you guys. My Question is how would you have handled this situaish Karl and when should I call the Soul Sister again?	A true bad boy ain't scared off by fireworks.
Heard from Mega Buttcheeks lately? Bet she's cravin'.	Me and Mega 'Cheeks were more of a "private rendezvous only for a limited time" situaish.
Karl, If I want to go grunt some spicy brown justice through some of my "friends" mail slots, what should I eat/drink to ensure the most efficent dose of payback? I don't want to sell myself short.	One man can't tell another man how to blow up a slot.
Also, did you know about Kid Rock's Chillin' the Most cruise? Link to www.kidrockcruise.com.	Probably be a private guest next year on the POWER MOVES tour?
Are you looking forward to this weekend?	So pumped.
What should I order at B-Dubs when I'm trying to impress a babe? I've always liked the Parm-Gar wings, but they mess up my backside something fierce. It's kinda getting in the way of carnal, adult, consensual activities after dinner.	If you can't take down at least a dozen Mango Habs, wouldn't worry too much about havin' carnal passions with ANY babes, ANY way.
What's more appealing to your Midwestern sensibilities.. primo bombs or a thick caboose?	Both. Never choose off a menu when you can get the buffet, you guys.
Do you think getting the big $$$ from your primo book deal will land you more internet babes on OKCupes? Better not get burned like that Manti Teo dingbat.	Probably won't need no 'puter babes when my pipes are drippin' with arm candy. Babes dig an author with worldly tastes in style, bod satisfaction, and innovative thoughts.
Karl, I'm dying to know, what ever happened with Nosey Lady and the post superbowl situash? Is she still in the picture, cravin carnal passions?	Drank that away. Far, far away.
Thin Lizzy is the greatest band ever. Your thoughts?	Tough one. I gotta go with Silver Bullet, brother. But, tell you what. Cowboy Song might have to be my go to when they box me up to go. Man. So badass.
Karl, which TV car was more badass... the General Lee or Knight Rider?	The 'Stang on Spenser for Hire. Man.
Were you close to your mom and dad? Did they live the bad boy lifestyle?	Think there's some of that in POWER MOVES. Don't always like to talk about it.
Which toppings are the best on 'za? Primo suggestions only.	Any real man likes his 'za, Supreme.
What should a bad boy do when you get into a situaish where multiple primo babes are digging your swag? Is that where you bring in a trusty wingman to keep them busy while you show one or two of them the goods?	Man, too many babes is never really too many. Why not just suggest a multiple rendezvous? Or, just take phone numbers and ask questions later.
Karl, who would win in a fight, Bruce, Guy or Peanut?	Gotta go with my man Guy Fieri.
Are you buddies with Fred Toucher?	Is that some sorta guy on guy erotic film actor? Not my style. Chill. But not my style.
What are some songs I should put on my 2013 Summer Celebraish "Open on Sundays" Mix to get the ladies in the mood for some carnal passions?	Ten Seconds to Love off Crue's Shout. Combo it with Knock 'Em Dead Kid.
How's the 'Bring holding up?	So money. It's a classic, you guys. And classics NEVER go outta style.
Who?	I'm Captain Karl. President and CEO of Bad Boy City, USA.
Are you really lookin' forward to the weekend?	So pumped.
I like to think this is Dave.	Don't know those corncobs.
I hope his next book is a recipe book.	After Power Moves, I'd say anything is possible. Might even hook up with my main man Guy or Sammy Hagar for a bad boy collab? Man.
You need to shove this in carlsons stupid face. He's prolly gonna ask you for $$$	If anything, Doug Carlson owes ME $$$. He can suck it. All. Night. Long.
Hi K-Money, wonderin' where all your slick moves with the babes come from, need some surefire tips on how to pick up manbabes for carnal pleasures.	Style and Profile. Maybe watch some old Ric Flair promos? Man.
Choose one: The itense, bold flavors made for you by Guy Fieri for every meal OR an unlimited supply of BL nums.	If Guy Fieri was fixin' my grub, you can bet there'd be an unlimited supply of cold ones included.
The video for "Still of the Night" is bad fucking ass.	Love it when D. Coverdale gets arrested by the "sex police." Ha!
I... i dont know whats going on.	Figure it out, corncob.
Karl, why did you sell out so hard with writing this book. Used to be the funniest thing ive ever read on the internet. Would look forward to all the tweets but now all the excitement is gone. Just want to know what made you sell out so hard. Whats next a TV show?	You go to a job? You like to eat groceries and crap? Drink cold ones? You got a roof over your head? You buy gas for a car?
	How 'bout don't do any of that anymore, then ask that question again, corncob.

Last updated: 2013-06-30 20:14 UTC
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