The Physical and Psychological Effects Gambling Addiction ...

is there rehab for gambling

is there rehab for gambling - win

Alcohol recovery without AA

recoverywithoutAA is a platform for people struggling with substance and alcohol abuse to come together to discuss their experiences, and strategies for recovery and healing, without the use of Alcohol Anonymous or other 12 Step programmes. This is an inclusive, supportive place to find help *without* being told all your problems will be fixed by just 'going to a meeting'.
[link]

A Little Help for our Friends with Zac Clark: RECAP

The hosts say that his proposal made them teary.
Asked to expand on his story of addiction and recovery.
First notice of the addiction being a problem.
Challenging part about working in recovery.
Family’s importance and that dynamics.
His experience and his family.
Definition of hitting a rock bottom.
Sobriety
Release Recovery and his work.
Recovery and life in general
WHAT A GUY!!!
Very rarely do you hear someone who is so self-aware, kind, humble and eloquent.
Please listen to this because the hosts were amazing too. They let him speak and he didn't hold back.
submitted by RemarkablyCrazy_007 to thebachelor [link] [comments]

Absolute pickme GARBAGE on The Guardian today

"Couples on Surviving Trauma and Loss: Five partners whose love has endured seismic changes, from refugees forced apart by war to a couple left with horrific injuries"
The first two stories in the article are legit: a couple in a terrible car accident and a couple separated by the Sudanese civil war. Then things start going to hell and get worse and worse. All of the things that FDS warns against are here: codependency, gaslighting, lying, cheating, excuse-making, blame shifting, martyrdom. Women continue to be conditioned to accept sub-par treatment by these kinds of narratives. The ladies of FDS refuse to help relationships "survive trauma" that is LITERALLY CREATED BY THE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP AND HIS SELFISH AND OVERALL TERRIBLE DECISIONS.

‘I was in prison for 2,192 days; she wrote to me almost daily’

Laure, 58, and Jerry, 62, survived his jail sentence for causing death by dangerous driving. They live in Alabama, and now run a support network for the families of prisoners.
Laure Jerry and I met in 1995 and married four months later. I tell him all the time I would marry him again, but faster. We’d both been married twice before and dating was the last thing I was looking for. But he ticked all the boxes.
I had two daughters and he had one. We moved our family from Tennessee to Alabama, to raise them in the country. We were living the dream. But on 17 March 2003, it was shattered when Jerry caused a head-on car collision which killed a young mother. He had been driving drunk.
I felt rage, betrayal. When we met, we were both recovering alcoholics, so I had only known him sober. Now a life had been lost. I didn’t want him dead, but I wanted him to hurt real bad. We lived in a small town, and I grieved for that family. I felt embarrassment. I had to get to the forgiveness part quickly so I could get through each day.
Jerry spent 10 days in the ICU. He pleaded guilty to manslaughter and was sentenced to six years in prison and 19 on probation. I was scared – emotionally, practically, financially, spiritually. I wanted to stay married but didn’t know how. I didn’t know what you do when someone you love is in prison.
His first year home, we argued all the time. I’d put my hand on his shoulder and he’d push it away
I wrote to him almost every night. I could afford one dollar-a-minute phone call a week and petrol for the 100-mile drive to visit every two weeks. I felt a lot of anger in those first years. I remember burying the cat, crying, saying, “This is a dad job.” I tried to experience the girls’ graduations for both of us.
His first year home, we argued all the time. I’d put my hand on his shoulder and he’d push it away; he was still in survival mode.
We’re grandparents now and enjoy our family immensely. We run a support network for prisoner families, called Extended Family. I started it six months into his sentence.
Jerry will still say, “You stayed with me all those years,” but I don’t think of it that way. I’m not going to make him do the dishes for the rest of our lives. We spent six years without each other; we don’t want to spend another minute apart.
Jerry On our first date, I took Laure and her daughters to see Cinderella at the theatre. When I got home, I wrote “She’s the one” on the back of the programme.
We had a good life. I had a small engineering business, work grew busy, and we moved cities. But I was in a mess. I got into narcotics but hid it from my family. The night of the accident, I had stopped at a liquor store. I was in a blackout. Moments later, a young woman was dead and I was airlifted to hospital. I was shocked, remorseful, disheartened.
My wife has a big and kind heart. I tried to protect her from the police investigation and the likelihood of prison. I didn’t want our girls walking around with the stigma of a dad who had killed someone.
In Alabama, incarceration is uncontested grounds for divorce, but there was never a question of Laure leaving me. On an early prison visit, I told her I wouldn’t blame her if she wanted to leave. She looked at me and said, “I’d be more miserable than I am now.” I’ll never forget it.
I was in prison for 2,192 days and she wrote to me almost daily. There were guys that got nothing. I felt blessed and honoured. She would arrive every two weeks and I would put on a smile. But I pitied myself; I felt useless, unable to provide for my family.
When I came home, I was harsher than before. Meanwhile, this woman I loved had blossomed. I had to adjust. There’s a not a day that I don’t pay for my disastrous decision in some way, shape or form. We worked through the mess I made together, and we’re closer because of it.

‘It was a form of gaslighting. He led a double life’

Keith, 59, and Claire, 57, survived his gambling addiction. They live in Sussex.
Keith Claire and I had known each other in the 80s, and reconnected online 20 years later. Claire was living abroad, and I was on my way to broke. She’d make short trips to the UK, and we’d laugh through days out and long lunches. She was intelligent, full of life; a better person than I was.
I first entered a casino at 16. By 18, I’d borrowed, conned and stolen from everyone I knew. I was an addict. Through adulthood, I’d made and lost small fortunes and entire businesses. I’d play Monopoly for real money, or sit in a room of the club I owned, drinking brandy, snorting as much cocaine as I could.
I wasn’t a constant drug user or gambler. When Claire visited, I’d try to keep it together; but then I’d get desperate and make excuses to go to London for “work”. When she moved to the UK with her three kids in 2009, I’d disappear into a room of the home we shared for days, in a heady state of gambling, drugs and porn, too embarrassed to re-emerge. I had intermittent spells in Gambling Anonymous, but I found it hard to ask for help.
Claire paid for the house and put food on the table. I never stole from her, but I’m still surprised she didn’t walk out. By 2014, I’d had a heart attack and was nursing my mother, who had cancer. I would drive her to the hospital every day, off my tits, bring her home, make her food, then shut myself in another room and gamble online.
I couldn’t see myself in the mirror any more. I wanted to die. On 28 June 2014, I logged on to a website for people seeking affairs and used it for porn. That decision would almost end us: when Claire discovered the website in her search history, she sent me a Dear John letter. The next day, she drove me to residential rehab. The only rule I broke there was asking her to spend one night. I had to save the relationship.
I’ve been clean for six years now; Claire is part of the reason why. People talk about languages of love. For me those are quality time, acts of service. Boy, were there acts of kindness and service from Claire. Without her, I could well be dead.
Claire I was 18, and a poor student, when I first met Keith. He seemed glamorous, exciting, funny, intelligent. He was also a known gambler, but when we reconnected years later, that appeared to be in his past. Yet, with hindsight, nothing about the start of our relationship makes sense.
When I visited, he’d urgently have work or disappear into a room for days at a time. I’d spend hours on edge, struggling to trust him, but he would rationalise his behaviour, omitting huge details, claiming he’d simply drunk too much. It was a form of gaslighting. He led a double life.
When Keith decided on residential rehab, I knew that if I didn’t support him, there was no future
The first time I confronted him, I’d found an empty drugs packet, but he lied his way out of it. I became scared to ask, although we both knew he needed help. When his mother was unwell, he had the perfect alibi. He was an addict but he was responsible – and he took exquisite care of her. I was fearful but I had to get on with life.
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When Keith decided on residential rehab, I knew that if I didn’t support him, there was no future. I didn’t want significant time apart, but when an addict is serious about making changes, you have to put your own needs aside.
The most soul-destroying moment came when I found the affairs website. I had been betrayed by gambling and drugs, but my belief in the purity of our love had kept me going. I wrote to him saying it was over. From rehab, Keith proved to me it was only curiosity (there was no activity on his account), and I was open enough to reconciliation to visit him.
Emotionally, we’re more independent now, although we share bank accounts and he supports us financially. I’ve grown, too. I used to tell friends that Keith felt like an addiction to me. I’d waited years for a stable home life together: eventually, he walked the most difficult path in order to truly change.

‘Friends saw us as the perfect couple, but it was a lie’

Maryam, 31, and Amir, 33, survived his affair. They live in California.
Maryam When Amir had an affair, I had a thousand reasons to leave but looked for the one to stay. Our relationship had started as an affair, too. We had been couple-friends in our previous marriages and used to hang out as a group of four. Then, in February 2017, Amir and his wife broke up and he came on a trip with my husband and me. One night, we were up late, talking, while my husband slept. Amir opened up about his marriage and I began to sense he had feelings for me. I had relationship problems, too, and we started an affair. I ended my marriage.
Over the next 18 months, friends came to see us as the perfect couple. They would comment on how loving our relationship was. But I couldn’t forgive myself for how we’d started, and his divorce was a mess. He spent nights with his ex. I broke up with him several times. Things looked great on the surface but we both carried unresolved pain.
By the end of 2019, I became suspicious of his relationship with a co-worker. She was too intimate at the Christmas party and he was jumpy when she called. Then I found a credit card charge to a cafe, clearly for two people.
I loved him deep down but anger overwhelmed me. He asked over and over for a chance to prove he could change
It took me 10 days to get the full details from him. It had been going on for months and they’d slept together six times. I couldn’t breathe; I felt stupid. Everything that had gone before felt like a lie. I left him.
Amir telephoned non-stop and showed up at my parents’. I loved him deep down but anger overwhelmed me. He asked over and over for a chance to prove he could change. Eventually, I agreed to give him three months. We started individual and couples’ therapy and talked through every detail of our relationship. I couldn’t bear to sleep in the same room as him, but I could look at his face again. I agreed to more time.
I see the consistency and changes Amir has made, his commitment. When I discovered his affair, I was ready to give up on our relationship, but we have both grown. No one knows what the future holds and I have my fears. But, right now, I love the way he loves me.
Amir Maryam was the first time in my life I felt real love. But we were both married and I told myself it couldn’t happen.
As time passed, my ex-wife had an affair and my marriage died. Maryam had problems, too, and I made my feelings known. I admired her looks, the way she thinks. This wasn’t a game that I’d started; it was coming from the bottom of my heart.
I was born in the Middle East, in a war zone. As a child, I experienced sexual and physical abuse at the hands of my teacher, but told no one. The human psyche finds soothing mechanisms to alleviate pain. For me, that was sex.
I was in the most loving relationship with Maryam. The sex was amazing. We bought a house, enjoyed travelling. But the foundations were shaky and I unconsciously sought more.
When I got close to a co-worker, it turned into an affair, starting in May 2019 and lasting several months. It was pure sexual desire. This wasn’t someone I wanted to change the course of my life. We were opportunistic and, in those moments, I became blind to the consequences.
When Maryam found out, I tried to lie. I was naive about how much I was going to hurt her. She wanted nothing to do with me. She blocked my calls and texts, and told our family and friends all the details. Everyone who loved me looked at me as a monster. For the first time in my life, I started to wake up.
I made fixing myself and our relationship my only priority. I promised Maryam she would see a change, and started intense therapy, twice a week. I addressed my childhood trauma and sought support for sex addiction. I realised how much I was willing to do for Maryam.
At the beginning, it was simply about keeping Maryam; but it transformed into strengthening our bond. She has made sacrifices for me, been my guide and love. Every day, I’m more appreciative.
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/30/couples-on-surviving-trauma-and-loss
submitted by Sherbert-Trick to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]

What did 2020 teach you?

TLDR; 2020 taught me perseverance.
I hope this post is appropriate for this subreddit - but I wanted to say that having been through the most difficult year of my life (all of 2020), I have learned so much. I know a lot of terrible things happened for many people last year, and we have all experienced disappointments. But my silver lining, or takeaways, is that I learned my mental, emotional, and physical health matters; my boundaries matter; and I learned about resilience and not giving up.
I am a gay man in my 30s who was married to an emotionally abusive and narcissistic man, who was also an addict, who I literally tip-toed around in all aspects of my life. I lived in fear of doing something that might trigger him to scream at me, put me down or degrade me, or him having a relapse (which I used to think would be my fault). In addition to his addiction with drugs (he would be sober - and then relapse and bring both our worlds crashing down around us every couple years), he had a gambling problem. I would let him use my credit cards to gamble (I would tell myself I loved him, he loved me, and at least he wasn’t drinking or doing hard drugs). I worked 50+ hours a week and he took all my money (I was allowed $25 a week as my allowance, and if I went a dollar over that, hell hath no fury for the anger directed at me), my income (in addition to his) would also be gambled. During our 10 year relationship, I had left him, such as when he relapsed (his drug of choice was meth), but I would eventually come back because of broken promises that he would go to rehab and we would figure our shit out with relationship counseling.
Last December 2019, I had been depressed for a very long time, but was intentionally blind to my unhappiness. I was exhausted and came home from work and noticed he was high. He was acting erratically and saying the craziest things. And I cracked. I had a panic attack and I made a terrible decision that the only way to escape was to end it myself. I made a choice I am not proud of. Luckily I failed, survived, and when I woke up I knew I was too scared to try again and needed medical attention. I called my parents (who had no idea what was going on, I was very good at hiding how unhappy I was because I was ashamed and embarrassed). My parents were immediately there for me, no questions asked, and rushed me to the hospital.
I completed a 2 week crisis intervention program. It saved my life. It extracted me from my situation and gave me the opportunity to see I was not as trapped as I felt and that I was the only person who could make the necessary decisions to change my life. The solution was not self-harm; the solution was to leave. With that resolve, after I got out of my program, I packed my bags, took my dogs, and moved out. I left everything else behind. I got my own checking account, cancelled all of my credit cards, and went to my parents house to live there temporarily while I waited to figure out my financial situation.
I was able to get my own studio, and then the pandemic happened, which unfortunately caused the long divorce process in California to happen just a little longer. I finally signed the judgement package this month. It literally took all year but I am finally at the end of my process. Disconnecting from my old situation was difficult, my ex tried every trip in the book to try to guilt and scare me back but I refused. I used a lot of the extra time that resulted from us staying home this last year, to really focus on myself, find my inner peace somehow, work out and exercise, and rebuild a positive self-image and just learn to love myself again. I’m in the process of filing bankruptcy to handle my debt, and it’s not easy, the future is still uncertain. But I feel happy. I’m glad to still be here, and I’m glad that I was given a second chance to see how beautiful life can really be. Life can get better. What 2020 gave to me was the perseverance to keep going and not give up.
submitted by NewDrewYay to AskGaybrosOver30 [link] [comments]

Why We Stonk

Pos: 70 GME 200$
No I am not begging you to come back to save my ass. When I signed up, I parted with my money already. What you do with your money is your decision and no one else's. I'm not gonna shame you, nor ignore the fact that a significant amount of our newcomers have paperhanded and lost a lot of money, or that initial squeezers have cashed out.
But this is for those still in the fight. A message to fellow apes and bagholders who "lost".
1) We have always been addicted to gambling. The high we feel from imagining changing our lives and changing the world made us accept the risk of losing it all. Why? because it was only way we could dream this big. Our grim reality is that of a dayjob being enslaved to money printers at the top eating away our cash and ability to ever better our situation. With GME, a unique situation has presented itself. To dream big. To finally, have a boyfriend for your wife. If not you who squeezes those Melvin balls, then who? If not now, then when?
2) When I pressed "Buy", I was so sure the maths were on our side. The stock was significantly overshorted. And interests were due. The holding position is objectively the better position to be in, as all we had to do was afk and let them bleed. The opponent however had to act quickly and offensively in order to ever have a chance at getting out of their situation. Trading and betting is their game, they have all the tricks up their psychological sleeves. I am not claiming short ladders nor willful trade restriction. While some market manipulation seems likely, we only have circumstancial evidence. But since then, ask yourself. Did the numbers change? At least to my knowledge there is no reliable data, only claims by Melvin themselves. The information hasn't changed, why would you?
3) At this point it has become clear who is the shark. The suits are sharks. That's just a fact. What happens when you back down from a shark? They hunt you and capitalize on your fear as we see on their SLV calls and media campaigns to shift us to SLV. Stay in your ground, do not run away. If we hope to win, don't back down from sharks.
4) When I threw in money, it was for the cause. Then I doubled down for the tendies. I am probably not getting any tendies soon, but the cause hasn't changed. In fact it has become even stronger. I told myself I would do it. I will not break my own word. If I did, what kind of person would I become? One of the normies jumping from one train to another? Who would I become in my personal life if I only kept my word if it was profitable to do? A suit. If you can't do the little things right, you will never be able to do the big things right.
5) This week has been bleeding red for us bagholders. It seems to be our darkest moment, where we look into the abyss of 5$ again. Did we do the right choice?...The right choice, has never been easy. Easy paths don't need a right choice, as everyone will choose it regardless. But only the ones with grit and unwavering belief, as Mr. Cuban said, will do the right thing. This is the moment, we have to be calm, united and strongest. As gamblers we assembled. As warriors we'll die.
6) From this bleeding, it has been clear. No paper is left. The noise is out. Back to the plan. Yes, the hype caused a lot of papers to hop on the train. But also a bunch of diamond retards like myself who has been in gambling rehab since a year of blowing my account to 0$ have been back. If anything, this week has proven the resolve of apes. Their heart is pure diamond. Judge apes by the size of their heart, not the size of their account.
7) Life is full of fears and doubts. They might seem unfair, put upon you by your horrible luck. Giving up just seems a little safer, a little better. You'll never win anyways. It's too good to be true. Your friends told you so. All you have to do, is to limit your losses and start again. Unfortunately no one has ever changed the world by playing safe and giving up. If we hope to leave a better world, we have to overcome fear and jump in head first and never, ever, press "sell".
​
This is not financial advice. Whether you sell or not is solely your decision. These are just my thoughts I wanted to share.
submitted by Straegge to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

Help!!!!!!!!!

Alright everyone let’s just say on paper I’ve been battling this shit for two years. I somehow ended up being one of those 24hr drinkers threw up blood didnt eat for days I did my 30 days in rehab and got out and have since relapsed 4 times. My SO has kicked me out 3 times for various amounts of times a I bit the bullet and got a few days weeks and months strung together at different times but this time I’ve managed to hide it and am getting incredibly anxious! I don’t have another chance if I blow this shit I will loose my daughter my family my home my job IT WILL BE IT ALL there’s no turning back I PRAYED IN TEARS IN THE SHOWER the other day and that’s a lot coming from an atheist alcoholic. I frequently do attend a meeting of fellow addicts but I have serious trust issues and can’t shake the fact that someone in there is going to rat me out. I could seriously go on for days with it but I’ve had enough I can’t keep gambling with my future I just feel like the rut I’m in I can’t get out of! Financially mentally emotionally and I HATE MY JOB Ive had enough but harkening back to the financial part above I can’t afford to quit. Call it a cop out but I’ve dug a lot of holes that have all come together to form one without a way out. End rant end excuses this week is it the insomnia and exhaustion is part of my downfall, the other being palpitations I’ve been a smoker for almost 20 years and that’s what scares me about them. Thanks for reading my Plea any advice will help.
submitted by nazrat27135 to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

I’m in my mid-thirties, make $115,000 ($194,000 joint), live in the northwest and work in behavioral health.

SECTION 0: BACKGROUND
I am being deliberately vague about my age, location and job, to allow for greater transparency about my finances. I work in a very narrow field, which would make me pretty easy to identify if I more accurately pinpointed these details.
That being said, to provide some context about our decision-making about childcare, my family and I had CoVID in the mid-summer.
We had been doing everything correctly: We weren’t leaving the house, our children were out of daycare, my husband and I were working from home and running ourselves ragged also offering full-time childcare to a 2-year-old son and a 1-year-old daughter. We are both essential workers in different fields and we couldn’t lighten our workload. Additionally, I can only work set hours because that’s when my patients are available. So I was keeping a more traditional schedule while my husband was doing the bulk of childcare, and then we would both be with the kids for a few hours until bedtime at 7:30, at which point my husband would burn the candle at both ends and do the majority of his work in the evening and at night. It was completely unsustainable. It was bad for our jobs, bad for our kids and bad for us.
So we hired a nanny. She came from our daycare, because our kids already knew her and she effectively lost her job when we pulled our kids. The daycare has to maintain a specific child-to-teacher ratio and removing our children took them below the enrollment necessary for her. After 4 weeks of my husband and myself providing childcare, we hired her. She was a godsend.
Fast forward, she attended a staff training at the daycare (masked, gloved, the whole 9 yards) and at that time our daycare was struck with CoVID, which meant we all got it. My family, our nanny, several staff and several families. It was a blessing in disguise, because after we all quarantined and recovered, my husband and I made the decision to send our children back to daycare. The vast majority of the families and staff there had CoVID, we knew we had antibodies (thank you, American Red Cross), and we decided the risk was acceptable.
​
SECTION 1: ASSETS AND DEBT (ROUNDED TO THE NEAREST $100)
Investment balance (as of COB on 12/16/20) = $601,000
Equity, if you’re a homeowner = $300,700
I used the Zillow value to calculate equity. Our real estate market is HOT right now, and houses are routinely being purchased after bidding wars at prices above asking, so I actually expect these to be underestimates of the values of our properties.
The rental property was a home I owned before my husband and I married. I paid 20% for the down payment with savings, and the house was worth substantially less when I bought it, making it very affordable. We made a 10% down payment on our primary residence from shared savings. Since we bought both houses, the real estate market in our area has blown up and it has stayed that way. We joke that we wouldn’t be able to afford our primary residence if we were house hunting right now, which puts us in a very fortunate position.
Savings account balance = $6,200
We try to keep at least $5,000 in this count as liquid emergency savings. Withdrawing funds from our investment portfolio can take several days, and if needed we want to make sure to have at least some cash buffer. See below for why this is higher right now, due to my Social Security deduction.
Checking account balance = $3,700
We use zero-sum budgeting, which means we use last month’s income to pay for this month’s expenses. All of our income is deposited into this account, we spend it throughout the month, and then start next month with $7,000 to spend that month (anything above this amount in our checking account is sent to our savings account).
Credit card debt = $0
I’ve never held credit card debt, and we paid my husband’s off before we got married.
Student loan debt = $0
I received a huge scholarship to attend a private 4-year college, and an annuity I received following my father’s death when I was in middle school paid for the rest. I worked part-time on campus to have spending money, and this job was part of the scholarship I received. I also received a full scholarship plus a living stipend to attend graduate school for my doctorate. My husband had approximately $10,000 of student loan debt for his 4-year degree that we paid off before we got married.
Car and motorcycle loans = $0
The KBB trade-in value of our cars and motorcycles is $16,500; all are over 10-years-old.
Net worth = $928,100
​
SECTION 2: INCOME
Monthly take home = $7,593 total (plus $416 from FSA reimbursement)
Main job = $103,000/year
I take home $2,000 every two weeks after deductions. This is $220 more than usual, because (as a federal employee and due to President Trump’s executive order) Social Security is no longer being deducted from my salary, through at least January, 2021. I expect in January I’m going to receive a double deduction for the period of this executive order, so we’re setting aside that extra money to pay for his choices.
Job 2 = variable based on several factors, right now it is approximately $12,000/year
I work as an adjunct professor at a local university teaching one class per semester and take home $353 every two weeks.
Rental property = $883.50/month in rental income
Minus the cost of the mortgage and the $66.50/month property manager cut, this equals approximately $97/month in profit. This used to be substantially more, but we took a cash out refinance to pay for a huge remodel in our main residence, which increased the mortgage payment by about $250/month. We previously sent the surplus rental income to our investment account.
Husband’s job = $79,000/year
My husband takes home $1,395 twice a month after deductions. However, he routinely takes home between $200-$400 more per paycheck, depending on various factors. We only budget for his base pay, as those other amounts are not guaranteed. Currently, he’s contributing the maximum allowed to his FSA account ($208/paycheck) for dependent care, which we receive twice monthly as reimbursement and which will switch to my paycheck in the new year.
Deductions: I am only going to include mine here, as my salary deductions include most of the family expenses. These are per paycheck. I am including my deductions as they were prior to the executive order that affected my Social Security contribution, which I anticipate will return to normal shortly.
Taxes (Medicare, state and federal) = $554
Insurance for the family (Life, dental, medical, disability) = $489
Retirement (401K and pension) = $905
I max out my 401K contribution and have since I started this job; my employer offers a 4% match. For full context, my husband also maxes out his 401K contributions, and his employer offers a 3% match.
529 contributions: $115 per child, so $230 total
Income progression
I was in school for a very long time. I went directly from a 4-year college to a Ph.D. program. As stated above, I received a stipend while in graduate school that amounted to $17,000/year, which was not a lot but enough for 22-year-old me. My first job out of graduate school was as a postdoctoral fellow, making $45,000, and then I went into academia and worked as an Assistant Professor making a similar amount. I decided to transition into practice after two years in academia, and I started my current job with the federal government making approximately $90,000. Scheduled salary progressions over the last six years have resulted in my current salary.
​
SECTION 3: EXPENSES
Monthly
Yearly and Bi-annual
​
SECTION 4: ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS
\*These are the questions others have said they wished Refinery 29 asked.*\**
What do money and success mean to you? What are your end goals?
To me, success and money are two very different things. I view money as a means to an end: Money equals security and stability. I chose to work for the federal government, even though I could make approximately double my salary in private practice, because of that need for security. My end goals are FIRE-light. My husband and I would like to save enough money to be able to reduce our work to part-time; we both really enjoy our jobs but would like more freedom to choose what to do with our time.
Are you a spender or a saver?
I identify very strongly as a saver. My mother raised me and my siblings largely alone (more on this below), and she was unmaterialistic. This has changed now that she has grandchildren to spoil! But that lesson was there from an early age: Things do not bring happiness. This has led me to a pretty natural saver orientation.
My husband was not a saver before we got together. He was not a huge spender, either. He just didn’t really pay attention to money. When we got together his retirement account was at approximately $0. He and I sat down and talked about our goals and decided to approach his retirement in the same way I approach mine, so we now max out everything we can.
He continues to be largely ambivalent about our finances, so I manage everything. This leads every once in a while to small conflicts, but we work it out. I try to include him in as many decisions as possible, but he genuinely seems not to care and pretty much goes along with everything I suggest. It helps tremendously that my husband and I share an overall view of our future, because I’m honestly not sure our relationship would work if he was a huge spender.
To combat some of the conflicts about money we might have, we give ourselves each a set amount monthly to spend as we want (me $385, him $415). He receives more because he does all of the family driving, and gas comes out of this allowance. This system works really well for us, because I would have a lot of problems with how he approaches personal spending, and vice versa. Joint or family expenses are paid for out of our joint checking account.
If you could go back in time, what’s the one piece of financial advice you would give your past self?
Invest early! Compound interest is something worth taking advantage of as early as possible.
​
\*These are the questions Refinery 29 asks.*\**
Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
There was absolutely an expectation for me and my siblings to attend college. I was a very dedicated student and I wanted to be in my current role for as long as I could remember. I strategically selected the university I attended with the potential for graduate school admission as a strong factor in my choice.
I luckily have never had to pay for my higher education and I recognize how fortunate I was. My college expenses not covered by my scholarship were paid for with an annuity I received after my father passed away when I was in middle school. He had been very sick with cancer my entire life and he knew he was terminal for years. He worked until the month before he passed away and contributed heavily the entire time to life insurance policies to give my siblings and me this gift, as well as to provide enough for my mother to make up for the loss of his income. He passed away while working for the federal government at my current pay level, so I know he was making the equivalent to what I make now. At that point, my mom made less than half of what he did. It goes without saying, I would have rather had student loans with him alive than no student loans without him.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
I don’t remember any explicit conversations about money. I have learned much more about my parents’ finances since I’ve become an adult than I ever knew growing up. All of my financial education occurred after graduate school when I had my first “big girl” paychecks. I knew I needed to know more, so I did a deep dive into the FIRE community for a few years, learned a lot, and have tried to follow those principles since.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
I worked at Dairy Queen starting when I was 15 to have spending money. While there, I ate far too much ice cream, gained like 10 pounds in 3 months, and quit because I recognized that was completely unsustainable.
Did you worry about money growing up?
No, I didn’t, and I’m grateful for that. I knew that we never went on vacations, aside from camping, because of my dad’s illness. I had no idea, however, that this was a financially-motivated decision vs. a health-related one. My dad wanted to save that money for us later instead of spend it on us at the time.
Do you worry about money now?
No, and I am very grateful for that, as well. I worry about making big purchases, because I have an inherent tendency to not spend unless necessary, though I acknowledge we can afford our needs and wants.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I moved out of my mom’s house at 18 to attend an out-of-state college, and I never returned. However, I would say that I became fully responsible for myself at 22, when I enrolled in graduate school. Up to that point, I lived in dorms, had access to the college cafeteria and health center, etc.
I have a huge financial safety net in my family, which is an enormous privilege. I know that I never need to worry if I lose my income or if we had an emergency. That being said, one of the huge factors in my choosing federal employment was the security of the job. My husband was furloughed early in the pandemic, which was a strain on our finances, but we knew I never would be. It is a longstanding joke, but it is true that it’s almost impossible to lose a federal job within my agency once you’re outside of your probationary period.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain?
See above; my family received a great deal of money from life insurance after my father passed away. I honestly have no idea how much, though it was enough that it funded a lot of my college expenses, as well as my siblings’, and allowed my mom never to worry day-to-day about paying for anything on her salary alone. I never received any of the annuity personally; my mom managed it and paid the college directly. Once I graduated, my portion of the annuity was resolved. My mom became extremely savvy with money management over the years, and still has some of her portion of the annuity remaining.
​
ONTO THE DIARY!
Full disclosure, my weekdays are very monotonous, so I’m going to give you a brief look at my schedule here and then try to limit myself to amusing anecdotes and spending only on Days 1-5. Days 6 and 7 will be more interesting.
We get up around 6:30, when my daughter (just turned 2) wakes up; it is unfortunate she’s always been an early riser. At 7:15, if he’s not already up, I wake my son (just turned 3) and get both kids ready while my husband gets himself ready. He takes the children to daycare, and then I get ready. I do a full face of make-up every day; it helps me keep in mind that I’m a working professional, although I haven’t worn a pair of pants with buttons in 9 months.
I see patients throughout the morning, working in 45 minutes of exercise (whatever Chloe Ting scheduled for the day, plus a Yoga with Adriene video to hit 45 minutes) and chores in between patients or if I have a patient no-show or cancel. This is infrequent, so usually these activities happen over lunch, when I almost exclusively eat leftovers. Then I see patients throughout the afternoon, before stopping to cook dinner. I meal plan heavily (entirely from Budget Bytes or Half-Baked Harvest); I love to cook but find trying to think up child-friendly, quick and easy vegetarian meals incredibly boring and frustrating. It helps if I outsource the creativity to others. My husband and I leave to get the kids around 4:50 pm.
Then it’s like getting hit by a clown car. Constant noise, constant activity, constant mess, constant chaos. The children go to bed around 7:30 pm, at which point my husband and I fall into an exhausted heap. I try to “reset” the house (e.g., pick up toys, get the kids’ school bags ready) before I sit down, because once I sit down I’m done. Most days I shower in the evening, and we go to bed around 9:30 or 10 pm. Sometimes we have sex, sometimes we don’t. Wash, rinse, repeat.
For your enjoyment, our meal plan this week includes:
Also for those who are interested, my skin care includes: Water-only cleansing with a microfiber cloth, 100% pure organic argan oil for moisturizer, with Everyday Minerals and Physician’s Formula make-up. I have extremely temperamental skin and this is the gentlest combination of products that work for me.
**I will only tally my personal expenses and our joint expenses below, because I don’t have access to my husband’s personal account. If I know about his purchases, I will mention them for context, though they will not be included in the weekly total.**
DAY 1: MONDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2020 = $37.63
Morning: My husband goes to physical therapy ($37.63 copay) after dropping off the kids. He’s rehabbing a pretty significant injury from earlier this year and PT is necessary, despite the pandemic. Before PT, he was immobile. While I’m on a break between patients in the kitchen eating a banana, my husband storms in fake indignant because his Spotify most-played song of 2020 is “What Does the Fox Say?” I laugh; this was my son’s favorite song for months. If you haven’t heard it before, it’s worth a look on YouTube, so you can see the video.
Noon: Pull a load of laundry from the dryer. Find two of my son’s action figures amongst the clothes. So that’s where they went. Later receive a picture from daycare of my daughter crying. She apparently lost her gloves in the snow, and when the gloves were found the daycare staff wouldn’t let her put them back on because they were covered in mud and snow. This is clearly tragic in the life of a toddler. The caption on the photo: “Yeah, I’m a little mad.”
Night: My husband and I spend a few minutes lying in bed with each of our children before they go to sleep every night. Tonight, my son is incredibly focused on his discovery that he doesn’t have eyebrows and I do. He does, they’re just wispy and barely there. He spent a good five minutes feeling mine, then feeling where his “aren’t.” It’s adorable how confused he is to find out that not every body is the same, and I try to focus on teaching him that differences are beautiful. I feel this is a good lesson to learn and to learn early.
DAY 2: TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2020 = $0
Morning: My kids are up kind of early today, so while I fix them breakfast, I send them to ride their scooters. My mom bought them these scooters that are both low-to-the-ground, so they fly across our hardwood, and narrow, so they fit between our furniture. We decided to keep them indoors for the winter to help the children run off some energy if it’s too cold or, in this case, too early to take them outside.
Noon: For lunch, I quickly assemble Budget Bytes’ Chimichurri Chickpea Salad from leftover ingredients and pantry staples and give my husband a serving. He accuses me of trying to turn him into a chickpea, because it’s my go-to protein. He’s not vegetarian, but he eats that way 95% of the time because I don’t cook meat except on very rare occasions. I tell him if he doesn’t like it, he can fix himself lunch, and fake try to take it away. He embraces the bowl like it’s a baby and fights me off. I see how it is. I also check the Red Cross app and find my CoVID antibody test from my most recent convalescent plasma donation is still positive!
Night: After dinner, we go into my daughter’s bedroom to play before bath time. I contemplate how ironic it is that we own a four-bedroom house, but usually only end up occupying about 16 square feet of space at a time. Then my children decide to sit on top of me. I exist right now as nothing more than an animate chair.
DAY 3: WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 16, 2020 = $0
Morning: After bundling up my children to send to daycare, I ask my daughter for a kiss. She’s moved beyond leaning in to allow me to kiss her to spreading her arms super wide and pressing her whole face onto my cheek. It’s the little things that make parenting awesome <3.
Noon: It’s the anniversary of our first date, so I pull my husband into the bedroom for some lunch time calisthenics #wfhbenefits. Feel totally betrayed afterward because during my Yoga with Adriene relaxation practice, she has us do two forearm planks. WTF, Adriene? I didn’t sign on for this! Do them, but begrudgingly.
Night: Tonight’s game: family nap. Somehow my husband got the kids to buy into the idea that they need to find a place to camp out in our house. They’re carrying around a pillow and blanket each and trying out various locations, like under our dining table and on our living room floor. I’m loving this game, because I’ve already found my perfect place to lay down: right where I already am.
DAY 4: THURSDAY, DECEMBER 17, 2020 = $183.48
Morning: My husband is an absolute expert when it comes to distracting the kids if they’re crying crocodile tears. This isn’t always the answer in response to their emotions, but sometimes it is. Right now, he’s trying to hang my daughter’s coat (with her in it) up in the closet without a hanger and acting over the top confused about why it won’t stay up on the closet rod. She’s dying with laughter. Classic.
Noon: My husband gets back from physical therapy ($37.63 copay) and walks in with a soda from McDonald’s for me as a surprise ($2.12 for his, too). So sweet! I don’t drink soda often, which makes this a welcome treat. Over lunch, I browse ThredUp. I buy exclusively consignment/resale, to reduce consumer-driven fast-fashion and because I can buy way nicer clothing if I don’t pay full retail prices. I buy four shirts and two pairs of pants ($143.73 of my personal spending money), though I’ll probably return half.
Night: Tonight is my book club’s holiday party over Zoom. I love these women and it’s so nice to step outside of my roles as a wife, mother and behavioral health provider to just be a woman. I’m incredibly lucky to have found this group that unequivocally accepts me for who I am.
DAY 5: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18, 2020 = $0
Morning: I took the morning off to grade final exams, and my husband is heading up the mountain to go skiing. I have the house TO MYSELF! This happens so rarely, I almost don’t know what to do with myself when I’m alone anymore.
Noon: Silence, glorious silence. Decide to take a nap. This is freaking amazing. Wake up to a notice from the federal payroll office confirming I’ll be receiving double deductions of Social Security tax from my first 8 paychecks of 2021. Great.
Night: Spend the evening after my kids go to bed wrapping Christmas presents. My family seems to be compensating for the anxiety and sadness 2020 has caused by sending gifts. Watching the children unwrap presents this year is the thing I’m looking forward to most this holiday season.
DAY 6: SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19, 2020 = $251.65
Morning:
My husband gets up with the kids, so I get to sleep in an extra hour (he will be properly thanked for this later). We quickly get ready and head out the door, setting our robot vacuum to take a run around the house. The kids and I wait in the car while my husband buys a season ski pass from his own personal spending money ($371, for those who are interested). He got a discount because they credit him the cost of his pass from yesterday. I fully support this, as he intends to teach our kids to ski this year and I am invested in the long-term possibility of evenings and weekend days by myself, since I most definitely do not ski.
Head to a local indoor playground ($15.72, after a $7.60 gift card); our kids tolerate mask-wearing incredibly well, so we’re all masked anytime we go inside anywhere. We have gotten good at what I consider “stealth visits”: We show up the instant the doors open, stay until we cannot keep 30 feet from others, and then leave.
We grab coffees ($6.04), a weekend treat, and head to an outdoor park to run our children ragged until it’s too cold to tolerate anymore.
Noon:
We head home, bake a frozen pizza and have that and leftovers for lunch. New outfits for everyone, because my daughter is too young to handle pizza sauce without getting it everywhere. Then back out the door to make it back to the indoor playground by 1 pm (our passes are good all day). This is when most children are down for their naps, so as usual the place is deserted.
Unfortunately, my daughter is learning to jump and while at the playground she jumps and falls, bumping her head. This leads to the silent scream of doom that is every parent’s worst nightmare.
After we leave, to put our own children down to nap, my son asks for more snacks. I thought I had packed enough, but not so. I swear my son is growing by inches in front of my eyes. He has a hollow leg and often can eat more than I can. My husband and kids wait in the car while I run into an empty-looking gas station and buy string cheese, fruit, popcorn and seltzers ($10.05).
The instant we get home the kids go down for their naps and my husband and I have a moment of peace. I start the dishwasher, throw the food scraps to our chickens, take out the compost and purchase the items in our Amazon cart (a new robot vacuum [ours is on its last legs and we LOVE it], soccer socks for my husband, and two under $5 gifts for the gift exchange at my children’s daycare; $219.84). My husband cleans out our chicken coop; I’m not in favor of gendered divisions of labor, except in cases like this, when it means I don’t have to deal with chicken poop.
Night:
The kids get up from their naps and we immediately put them on the potty. We’re deep in the trenches of potty training, and this often dictates our routine. My daughter is 150% motivated by the M&M she gets when she goes potty; my son just wants to do everything his sister does, so he tolerates this part of his day.
Feed them dinner and then head out to drive through a famous neighborhood in our area to look at Christmas lights. We take air-popped popcorn and milk for the kids, to keep them entertained, and they love it. Back home and bedtime for the kids.
My husband and I pick up the house, watch an episode of Ink Master (feel free to judge, but I love this show), and head to bed early so I can thank him properly for this morning.
DAY 7: SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2020 = $303.33
Morning:
My husband gets up with the kids again this morning, he must be feeling motivated because he’s already fed them breakfast. I jump in so he can get ready to go play indoor soccer. The facility where he plays is extremely cautious: masks, temperature checks, no outside guests, no loitering before or after the game, etc. He helps us get ready and out the door before he leaves so the kids and I can go to get our grocery pick up.
Groceries include the ingredients for our meal plan this coming week ($187.59). We also load up on a few staples like organic 100% grass-fed milk, seltzer, popcorn kernels and toiletries. Our overall fruit situation is looking good, as we participated in a local fundraiser and purchased a huge box of apples, pears, oranges and grapefruits, so I decided yesterday to donate our Misfits Market box this week to a food bank. The person at the grocery store indicates they have a couple of missing items from our order, including coffee (!!!), so the kids and I mask up and we run inside as quickly as we can to buy replacement items, including the absolutely necessary coffee ($19.04).
Then I take the kids on a little drive to look at Christmas decorations, and while we’re out I buy them a snack from a local vegetarian restaurant that has begun to do drive-thru service ($15.53). I buy gas for the first time in six weeks and head home ($13.73).
Noon:
My husband gets back from his game (they won), we feed the kids and then get them ready to go out again. If you haven’t noticed, we spend a lot of time outside of our house. Neither my husband nor I are homebodies, and our kids (surprise, surprise) aren’t either; the more time we spend at home, the more they spiral out. However, because the pandemic has gone on for so long, we have developed an amazing repertoire of knowledge for places that are accessible, kid-friendly and extremely sparsely populated (or deserted). It helps us keep the kids occupied, and honestly it makes parenting two toddlers much easier.
We go to a local warehouse that has converted into an antique/secondhand shop to look for a present for my sister from our children and find something amazing ($43.44 of my personal spending money). Head home, have lunch, and put the kids down for a nap. I spend the time finishing grading final exams, while my husband does the dishes and works a little bit to get ahead so he can go skiing this week.
Night:
My daughter wakes up and makes enough of a ruckus that she gets my son up, too. Immediately take the kids to the potty while my husband finishes what he’s doing. Cue an epic meltdown from my daughter because her brother gets to go potty first. My husband jumps in and starts getting the kids ready to leave again so I can go to the bathroom. My son joins me. Motherhood means never having (getting?) to go to the bathroom alone again.
We head to another local indoor children’s playground, because a snowstorm just started and we’re taking a gamble that it will be empty. It is! Spend a few hours there, then head home ($24).
I heat up Budget Bytes’ Make-Ahead Freezer Burritos for dinner. While they’re cooking, my husband gives the kids a bath and I put away laundry. My husband emerges from the bathroom looking like he’s taken an impromptu trip to Splash Mountain. At dinner, our kids immediately start to misbehave for some unknown reason (they’re toddlers). Parenthood is often a game of chicken: How far can they push it before my husband or I call the match in our favor. We separate the kids; I go to read to my son, my husband to my daughter, and we put them to bed early.
My husband and I watch another episode of Ink Master, read for a bit, talk for a bit, and head to bed.
​
WEEKLY TOTAL = $776.09 ($588.92 JOINT, $187.17 PERSONAL)
​
Reflection: Honestly, this is an average week for us. I’d say we don’t buy a robot vacuum every week, and I tend to only buy clothes once a month at most, but there’s always something. Generally speaking, we have a few dollars up to a couple hundred to save most months, but there are some months when we go over our budget. At this point, our day-to-day spending is relatively on auto-pilot and falls pretty naturally into a narrow range, so across the whole year, we tend to break even.
submitted by Fine_by_me_for_now to MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]

Detailed OET Experience

Listening: 450 Reading: 410 Writing: 360 Speaking: 380
👉Total prep time: 7 days, 1st take, no prior ielts/toefl experience
After watching all E2 and masterclass intro, decided to focus my time on my weaknesses: speaking and writing
📝LISTENING📝 only did oet and e2 sample tests once. (OET samples 1 2 3 on days 3 2 1 prior to exam day)
Tips: 100% FOCUS
🔹as this was the first test, I drank redbull to be alert. I answered all the questions in part A (helped me get an A score)
🔹you can scribble anything on the test paper. I highlighted key words on choices and placed symbols (eg, arrow up,arrow down, sad face, exclamation point) to help me understand the phrases more
🔹for part A, check the headings eg, HISTORY, DRUGS, TREATMENT. There is a pause/change in speakequestion during transition of the headings.
🔹for part B, read and understand on WHO is the one who will answer the question in the extract. If its between two persons, eg nurse and patient, focus your attention on that one.
🔹for part B and C after reading and understanding the choices and if i have time left, i will hyperfocus on one choice because during the extract convo i can confidently rule in/out one choice.which leaves me 50/50 on the other 2 choices
🔹for part C, read the intro if its a monologue (only one person will speak) or conversation/interview (two persons) and it will help you a lot on the flow of the entire conversation. I find monologues to be harder because transition bet questions are not so clear.
🔹i find that exaggerating emotion/reactions help me retain and understand the questions more/ i feel like i know the person in real life. E.g. Choice B. Mr. Roger was depressed because his mother died. In my mind i say OOOHHH SO SAD FOR MR ROGERS CONDOLENCE or O DID U KNOW MR GIBBINS SAID xxxxx IKR? (may not work for all lol, cuz my rationale is that you are more attentive to gossips or hearsays) or say that in part A u are eavesdropping the conversation. My mind thinks like "SAY WHAATTT MS. Finch took rehab sessions???" (in a drag queen voice)
📝READING📝 only did oet and e2 sample tests once. (OET samples 1 2 3 on days 3 2 1 prior to exam day)
Tips:
🔹in part A, they are more particular with (C)apital letters in pronouns, singulaplural, spelling (vs part A of listening wherein they are more lenient). Make sure to doublecheck the words that you copy.
🔹for part C, i placed 1 2 3 4 5 6 beside the paragraph.
🔹for part C, I answered it by paragraph. Eg, after reading paragraph 1 I answered the questions, and if the next question was for paragraph 2, i read it next.
🔹mark questions you are not sure of.once ur done with all items, reread on your marked questions. Sometimes having a second look will help you have a new perspective/insight
📝WRITING📝 did about 20 letters with few proofreading online sessions with friends.
Tips:
🔹practice writing on the sample booklet (i only did my drafts on intermediate paper).
🔹best to have someone proofread your mistakes on common grammar mistakes eg, prepositions. As HCW, we dont need to be perfect with our grammmar, as long as its clear and direct to the point. Fine tune on basic grammar rules.
🔹for lengthy sentences that is hard to erase, you can place one line. (My output was SO MESSY with many eraser marks but i made sure to be clear on my erasure lines)
🔹i placed 2-3 spaces between paragraphs just in case if i have something to add, i have the space for it.
🔹tip for estimating word count: on a normal length space, count all the words then multiply it by the number of all completely filled spaces Eg, I am not sure if it was the first time (10 words for a completely filled space x 18 spaces = 180 words)
🔹practice making letters with 5 min prep and 35min writing. So u will be trained to finish earlier and have more time editing your letter.
🔹while writing the conclusion, estimate the amount of words you need. if previous paragraphs look few...prepare a go-to long phrase to lengthen your word count (eg, in view of the above, I strongly believe that mr. X has xxxxxx and I am referring him to your specialist care for further assessment and management) Conversely if you used too much words in previous paragraphs, use few words on conclusions (eg, I am referring him to you for further assessment and management).
📝SPEAKING📝 most of my remaining days were practicing futureland and kaplan scenarios. Very helpful to have a speaking partner. I was not able to finish all, maybe did about 15 cases total. Very good thing I practiced the cholecystitis case that was on kaplan the day before the exam (same case appeared on test day)
Tip: CONFIDENCE
🔹when practicing, do not move on with the case until you have done an entire 5min convo that sounds okay.
🔹download OET criteria on speaking so you will be familiar on how to include those in your convo. Also try to have ur speaking partner grade you using that.
🔹doing virtual practice it usually seems that you have short time to finish than in personal practices. So i suggest having a family/household member to do practice also or personally meet up with ur friends
🔹simulate with ur speaking partner on interlocutor intro parts... Like stating ID number, how they introduce the recorder device, doing intro questions, etc. It helped me not to get anxious during exam day.
🔹speak loudly and angle your head close to the recorder device. I even asked the interlocutor if the volume of my voice is okay
🔹Also i included a link below with pdf on common phrases to use which was very helpful.
🔹determine in what part of the conversation there was a moment of tension (i draw a star sign). Think of how to phrase your question/reassurance
🔹during my prep time prior to my speaking schedule, i watched this https://youtu.be/DM0wwoDqVvw which was VERY VERY insightful. Helped me gain confidence when entering the test area.
🔹its really okay not to finish all tasks. I was not even able to summarize.
🔹the interlocutor was very helpful in leading me to ask the right questions and completing the task. Just trust him/her completely and think he/she is the actual patient. With that mindset, it made me feel more at ease and i did not rely much on the tasks as the conversation is free flowing with guidance from the interlocutor.
Will share this link that I posted before. Please feel free to add more materials (ALL COURSES) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tQAYd5LdFSMK_OVoNQkbk3Mr2KvnFbyeWRq0euHKi7I/edit?usp=drivesdk
👉General tips
🔹wear jacket and comfy outfit. The venue i was in was VERY COLD. You can remove it anytime once you are seated, but cannot go out to get ur belongings anymore.
🔹remove covers in your erasers, labels in bottled water. Anything with texts on it (watch BAD GENIUS movie to understand why)
🔹make sure to not drink too much fluids so u wont have a cr break in between. Take sips on your bottled water
🔹hold ur bladder til minutes away before entering the venue; you can have cr break but time is ongoing. It is during minutes 10-35 of reading part b and c, and minutes 10-50 of writing (ie except first and last 10 minutes)
🔹take more prep time (dont be like me as it was a very huge gamble and gave me a lot of anxiety). I personally think 1 month is adequate.
🔹I did not spend anything on study materials or review centers. There are a LOT of free resources. Or maybe have study partners to divide the costs for online sources.
🔹use your oet sample tests wisely. Best to use it when simulating the whole tests (eg full 3 hours) rather than using it as exercise. Using it 2nd or more times already gives u biased answers. Its just sad that some oet samples were used on e2 and on oet masterclass:<
🔹i suggest simulation also with replicating the test environment. Quiet. Cold room. Test day clothes on. With face masks. Pencil, bottled water, and those things allowed on exam day on your table. Timer. Printed sample tests. No interruptions and cr breaks. (My tip is to do oet samples 1 2 3 of listening reading and writing on days 3 2 1 before exam date, same time as your exam.)
🔹ask someone who took the exam to tell you about the venue, where to eat and stay. In my venue, they gave us a sandwich, fries, and bottled water after the 3hr exam, probably to avoid going out of the venue. (Do all venues provide free food?)
🔹practice ur tests using www.online-stopwatch.com timer that was what was used in our venue.
🔹test-taking skills and good sleep is important.
🔹subscribe to e2 and oet youtube and FB to get updates on live videos and announcements
Ps I previously posted this on an fb group page, might help some of you
submitted by rgspce to ResidencyMatch2022 [link] [comments]

COVID, boredom, loneliness and being alone

I’ve read any number of posts from people who gamble because of the isolation of COVID, general boredom, loneliness or being alone. I thought I’d are my journey with these barriers to recovery.
I’ll be 8 months sober on Jan 20th. My journey starts because of a medication called Mirapex which I’ll probably talk about in another post. But the resulting journey is one i know many others have shared.
In my personal experience boredom, isolation, loneliness and being alone are all conflated and flow from the same roots. Boredom is a major risk for all addicts largely because we don’t understand the difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is a physical state which, even in COVID, we can change. Call a friend, FaceTime, whatever. But when i was in emotional crisis, there was no chance i was going to reach out to someone. It was either “they hate me” or “i hate them” and everything in between .
I now think about how many times i must have seen an ad “if you have a gambling problem call.....”. But i never really “saw” it because i was already long gone down the gambling road.
So then, through rehab and therapy, i began to understand that it wasn’t a question of being alone, but a feeling of being lonely. Being lonely is an emotional state that would overwhelm me and cause me to abandon all the tools that could change my outlook and go straight to gambling. And there are many tools that i could reach for but they all lay littered on the ground as i blew past them on my way to gamble.
I also learned that none of these tools would work if i didn’t practice them BEFORE i needed them. They key one for me was being honest about what i was feeling when i was in crisis and what steps i could take to reduce that fear.
For example. I have alimony, child support and a raft of gambling debts. I might fear any one, or all of these, and satiate myself with gambling instead of making a budget, working hard on my business, building proper and healthy relationships with those who can help me. It doesn’t mean i still don’t have those fears but now that I’ve had a budget for 8 months and have paid off a ton of debt, when i get afraid i don’t gamble. I see the fruits of my hard work and i know i can climb out of it.
My father called the other day to ask if i needed anything. He has truly been a rock. He should be retired and not worrying about his adult son. But he is still working and worrying. And i snapped at him. Told him he couldn’t help me. The next day i met with my sponsor (another tool!!) and we decided i need not only to apologize but to tell my dad how i was just frustrated and afraid and why. My dad is a doctor and has rarely shared his fears. But he did. He opened up. We understood each other. And i felt stronger.
A year ago i would have said “F it!” And gambled. Because it was never about the money it was about burying my emotions and getting that massive dopamine hit from gambling.
Go attend an AA or NA meeting. The stories you’ll hear will be similar to elements of your own. Why? Because all addicts struggle with these same emotional crises. We just find different substances or process addictions for dealing with them. When i realized that, i understood gambling wasn’t my kryptonite, emotional instability was.
The addictive mind - that state where i get all ramped up and out of control - can manifest itself in any number of ways. That’s what it wants me to do. It sits on my shoulder and screams “go on and gamble. You’ll fee so much better!” But that has faded in time as i understood where it came from and what i could actually control to put it in check. I will admit it has never gone away and there are days it screams louder then others. But i know it for what it does not yell at me to gamble for its own sake. I let it scream “go gamble” because i have chosen to ignore the fear inside that drives my self destruction.
I saw someone talk about not closing by wishing you all luck. I have adopted that sentiment as i don’t believe we need luck. I needed hard work and emotional intelligence. I hope you find your path forward.
submitted by sam5904 to problemgambling [link] [comments]

[REVIEW] “Anong pabango yan, Mars?”: Local indie perfume reviews (Daniela Calumba, Pete & Alia, etc.)

💃🏻 WARNING, long post ahead! 💃🏻
⚠️ 12/1/20: Added updates on SBP’s Eclat de Fruits and Pete and Alia’s longevity report. ⚠️
Hello! I’ve been meaning to write reviews of local perfume brands that I’ve tried from the past year to recent releases. I’ll try to be concise with my reviews as they’re a lot. I’m also typing this on my phone, so any faults in grammaformatting I’ll try to fix later.
Disclaimer: I’m a novice when it comes to perfumes, let alone reviewing them. Perfumes will smell different from person to person. Most notes listed don’t make sense to me as I’ve never encountered them yet irl, but in a process of elimination through my collection I can somewhat pinpoint a few of them. I’ll mostly describe them what category of scent they are (fresh, gourmand, spicy, fruity, etc.) and what vibe they give off to me, so please bear with me if some of these don’t make sense!
Also I’m reviewing ORIGINAL perfume blends, so these are not inspired perfumes. Some of these do resemble existing commercial ones, but otherwise aren’t stated as inspired from the brands themselves. Some of these I’ve also mentioned in previous threads, but I decided to include them here because of changed views, etc.
My preferences: I’m putting this here as reference in case our tastes differ, as what I think smells great may smell awful to another and vice versa. I love gourmands (especially with vanilla, chocolate, and coffee), powdery scents, white florals, irises, musks, moss, woods, certain fruits (specifically oranges and mangoes), and resins. I’m neutral to incense, most fruits, herbs, spices, and most florals. I dislike shampoo/laundry scents, and musks/incenses that smell too musty. There are some exceptions, and tastes will change over time.

🌻 Daniela Calumba 🌻
Where you can buy them: ig: danielacalumba
Scent/s: Honeysuckle + Oakmoss (5ml full size), Benjamin, Ravensara, Saltwater, Oud Nectar (0.5ml samples)
Price: Updated prices are P1800 for FS and P1100 for 5 samples
General verdict: All of her perfumes last about 3-4 hours on me. These are all roll-ons, so they stick very close to the skin and don’t project far unless you stand really close. Overall I love her unique takes of natural perfumes except Saltwater, and some of them are going to be part of my permanent collection. Daniela is also very kind during transactions, which is a plus.
Honeysuckle + Oakmoss - ”Fragrant notes: absolutes of honeysuckle and oakmoss, mitti attar, ho wood. Character: sweet narcotic, luxurious, luscious, sophisticated.”
Sweet, but not like sugar or candy. Like aged honey, boozy but it won’t make you smell like a drunk. The sweetness of honeysuckle and the wet, bitter note of oakmoss make such a unique and lovely scent, it’s almost atmospheric. This is my favorite out of all of Daniela’s perfumes, and I am so glad I took a gamble to get this in full size.
Verdict: 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 LOVE! Hopefully she allows custom orders to have this in a bigger size because I truly love this perfume.
Vibe: drinking alcohol with friends in a rented house at Batangas, chilly night air bring about the scent of planted honeysuckles, petrichor setting in after the last days of summer.
Benjamin - ”Fragrant notes: benzoin resin, vanilla extract, oud, chamomile roman, calamansi Character: musky, seductive, creamy, alluring, elegant, aged vanilla rum.”
On me, the resin and the calamansi, as subtle as they are, make a very interesting combination to create a unique form of musk. I couldn’t smell the vanilla extract, which surprised me since my skin usually amps up vanilla notes. It aaaaalmost has that same boozy note as Honeysuckle, but it’s mostly musk with a slight tang to it.
Verdict: 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 Love. Will get a fullsize.
Vibe: saturday morning, lying on the grass at Salcedo park after jogging across Ayala. Home-brewed citrus drinks and kombuchas sold at Salcedo Market beckons you to quench your thirst.
Ravensara - ”Fragrant notes: sandalwood, oud, petitgrain, jasmine absolute, ravensara Character: light, euphoric, fresh, youthful, exciting, bright, invigorating, sheer.”
Ravensara almost has the same dna as Benjamin, the difference is that the musk takes a backseat and florals take center stage, but it’s not heavy floral at all, in fact there’s almost something citrusy somewhere that gives the floral notes a lightness to it. It almost has that petrichor-note to it like Honeysuckle, but not so much that it overpowers the florals.
Verdict: 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 Love. Perfect for lazy weekends.
Vibe: after resting and drinking kombucha from Salcedo Market, you browse through the flower shops being sold there, the signs of incoming drizzle about to form.
Saltwater - ”Fragrant notes: onycha, cade, jasmine concrete, black pepper, pomelo peel Character: slightly musky and floral, animalic, alchemical, warm and bright, shimmering, romantic, like saltwater clean skin, lingering.”
This is the first from her perfumes I don’t like, and either I’m not experienced enough to truly appreciate it, or my skin chemistry has something to do with it, but it doesn’t smell fragrant to me at all, even after almost a month of testing it hasn’t changed on me 😢. It reminds me of a certain smell, but I don’t know what. Closest I can think of are mothballs. I suspect it’s the combination of onycha, cade and black pepper. I’m sad that this doesn’t work on me at all, as the image of saltwater skin was enticing to me. If anyone owns this and likes it, please share your thoughts! I’d love to know how you perceive this scent.
Verdict: 🌻 NOPE. My skin hates it, sorry!
Vibe: decluttering years-old clothes and finding they’ve been eaten by bugs. The regret that comes after of not recovering them sooner.
Oud Nectar - ”Fragrant notes: oud, gardenia, saffron, pomelo peel Character: narcotic floral, creamy, luscious, bodacious, warm, caramel, smooth.”
This smells like that one fancy perfumed soap we got from balkbayan packages, but more natural, earthy. This is what I think vintage perfumes smell like, the saffron and gardenia create a strong floral fragrance without being sharp that most floral-heavy perfumes have, which I think the earthy note tones it down.
Verdict: 🌻🌻🌻🌻 Like! Though I’m still reconsidering in getting a full size.
Vibe: visiting your free-spirited tita who’s staying in her condo in the Philippines for a short while before going back out to the world for another adventure. Various flowers from her latest venture are meticulously placed in a glass vase while you browse through her vast collection of perfumes from different origins. (Highkey lowkey I want to be that tita hahaha)

🍄 Radioactive Mushrooms In The Forest 🍄
Where you can buy them: Her website, though it seems it’s under maintenance atm. Personally I bought this in a bazaar at Makati.
Scent/s: Promise Ring
Price: I cannot for the life of me remember, but it’s somewhere around P600-700
General verdict: They have a similar vibe as Daniela Calumba’s perfumes. This last 6 hours on me.
Promise Ring- ”Like a warm hug under a cozy blanket on a rainy day. Chamomile, lavender, rose, vanilla. Mild, powdery.”
What I bought is the previous iteration with flowers submerged in perfume oil, while the one after is purely perfume oil, so this review maaay be outdated in case the new version is different! On me the powder starts out very in-your-face, but I love powder notes so if anything this makes me excited. Over time the powder mellows down but is still more prominent, while the florals start to bloom to create a beautiful powdery floral fragrance that isn’t screechy.
Verdict: 🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄 LOVE. If the term “pabebe” existed in 1950s Philippines, I would wear this in that timeline hahaha
Vibe: Holding your recently-bathed, freshly-powdered baby. Watching your husband, your first and only love, watering your blossoming garden in a clear day. (Nope not projecting at all lol)

☕️ The Small Batches Perfumery ☕️
Where you can buy them: ig: thesmallbatchesperfumery
Scent/s: Anonymous Gal, Fleurs Exquise, Sucre D’Orge, Eclat de Fruits, Essence de Tourmaline, Le Jardin Secret, Prive Tous Inclus, Legere Comme L’air, Chocolat Extreme, Cafe Intense, Gingerbread Cookie, Iris and Saffron Oud, Iris en Hiver
Price: P3795 for a bundle of 12 10ml roll-ons
General verdict: I bought the 12 pc. set (+ 1 bonus 10ml scent, free body oil and 2 free decants of commercial perfumes) with the intention of keeping only 3-5 for myself and the rest to give as gifts to friends and family. These last 6-7 hours on me. Seller is kind and accommodating and always makes updates.
Anonymous Gal - ”Fresh, Aquatic, Oriental dry down.”
This evokes a specific childhood memory that I don’t even know what. It smells like shampoo from a brand that I don’t remember. Amoy bagong ligo, which there are a lot in SBP’s catalogue, for Anonymous Gal it smells clean, fresh, and...creamy? Not creamy like sweet, just, creamy? It’s hard to describe. I’m a bit jealous of the reviews saying it’s fresh creamy oriental on them, I think my skin amped the aquatic notes on this one. 😭
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️ I’d love it better if the dry down was the entire scent!
Vibe: taking a long shower during one of your rest days, contemplating whether you should go out with your friends or not exist for 24 hours while shampooing your hair for longer than necessary.
Fleurs Exquise - ”Opulent, Sweet Floral (borderline gourmand), appeals to fans of Flowerbomb, Flowerbomb Nectar, Flowerbomb Extreme, La Vie Est Belle, etc.”
I’ve never smelled any of the perfumes mentioned, but I have smelled YSL’s Black Opium, and to me Fleurs Exquise reminds me of that, but more sweet floral and without the coffee note from YSL.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️ I’m quite torn tbh! If I smelled this a few years ago I would be ALL over it, but while I really do like this, I have since moved on to other scents, but I would fondly sniff this every now and then before giving this away.
Vibe: purchasing your very first big girl perfume to wear in your very first big girl job. Now your on your way to look for your first set of big girl clothes.
Sucre D’Orge - ”Cotton Candy, Sweet Florals, Marshmallow, and Sandalwood. Sweet, but sits lighter on the skin.”
MMM! This is sweet. My inner sweet tooth gets very excited every time I put this on. If you smelled Al Rehab’s Choco Musk roll on, it’s like that but much more refined and with more depth. The florals are a nice touch to the cotton candy and marshmallow to keep it interesting and not flat, while the sandalwood reigns in the candy notes to be a little more grounded. There's also a tiny bit of caramel in it if I smell closely, and tbh I dig it.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️ LOVE! Definitely one of those can't-stop-smelling-my-wrists perfumes. Highly recommended for gourmand lovers.
Vibe: eating every chocolate and candy you've been craving for and you know it's really bad for you, but in that moment you don't care because what's wrong in eating another snickers bar? (actually no pls don't, everything in moderation!!)
Eclat de Fruits - ”Fruity, sweet, effervescent. Perfect summer fragrance for lovers of sweet scents, but can’t tolerate heavy gourmands. Sits very lightly on the skin.”
So first time I put this on, this smells like ballpen ink. So I rested it for a while thinking the scent might settle. Few days later, I can now smell the fruit notes, mostly cherry, but now instead of ink it now smells like cherry-flavored medicine I was given as a child. Over wear time, the medicine note goes away and is left with cherry with other notes I can’t identify.
UPDATE: OKAY, so the ballpen ink note is completely gone. I think this perfume has been properly rested. The cherry note remains, but I’m happy to report it’s not medicine-y anymore, it’s hardly there now, mostly at the background. Now it smells...well, fruity! But not like bright fruity, it’s dark like wine. It has a slight red wine accord to it, but I wouldn’t call it a an actual wine scent because of its sweetness. I’m actually starting to like it! Definitely a perfume that needs resting and getting used to.
Verdict: ☕️☕️ I occasionally like fruit-dominant scents, but I can’t get the picture of cherry-flavored meds out of my head!
UPDATE VERDICT: ☕️☕️☕️☕️ Not cherry medicine anymore!! It transformed beautifully on me into sweet, sweet red wine-ish fragrance.
Vibe: absent from school, anxiously waiting for 3:00pm for your scheduled cold medicine, watching cartoon re-runs while thinking what your classmates are up to while you’re gone.
UPDATE VIBE: looking through a photo album filled with old pictures of you from grade-school, fondly reminiscing the simpler days as you drink sweet, cherry red wine.
Essence de Tourmaline - ”Earthy, green, fresh and unapologetically sophisticated, sans the heaviness and slightly dated vibe of most perfumes. For women who take classiness a notch higher. Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but tourmalines are for queens.”
I. LOVE. This. This smells close to Lush’s Buck’s Fizz body conditioner and Celebration body, but blended more appropriately for a perfume. It smells like the fanciest orange I’ve ever smelled, with the earth note stopping the orange from being too sweet. This is such a great after-shower scent, fresh and clean but the earthy citrus keeps it interesting.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️ LOVE. Now I want orange juice.
Vibe: drinking freshly squeezed orange juice to start your work day, after putting on your dainty jewelry to complete your power look. What they don’t know is you’re still swamped from your previous overtime, but they don’t need to know that after a bit of concealer.
Le Jardin Secret - ”The name suggests a mysterious fragrance and alludes to its floral nuances. White florals and powdery accords are the highlight of this fragrance. It brings about some of the best floral notes such as Jasmine, Neroli, Honeysuckle, Magnolia, Ylang Ylang, and Lily of the Valley.”
Another bagong-ligo scent to me. In comparison to Anonymous’ shampoo and Tourmaline’s citrus accords, Jardin is all florals. I can’t pick up the powder notes, my nose translates it as clean, creamy. Like floral soap. Tbh it smells more soap than floral on me!
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️ I prefer Tourmaline as an after-shower scent. Would smell better on other people, but soapy scents just don’t jive well with my skin.
Vibe: after a long day from work, you took a much deserved shower. You put your phone on silent for the next few hours to have a moment to yourself, browsing on netflix what’s the best series to binge on while waiting for your hair to dry.
Prive Tous Inclus - ”Opulence and unrestrained grandiose are among the most befitting words to describe this fragrance. The warm spicy accords as well as the woodsy notes bring about the feeling ease and coziness that is perfect for winter or cold indoor settings. This unisex fragrance makes clever use of notes such as cinnamon bark, sandalwood, snowdrops, nutmeg, ginger, and clove. The sweet undertones come from the spices instead of caramel or sugar, which elevates the perfume's personality to a much higher level.”
It says it’s unisex, but to me it leans very close to masculine. I’m not good at describing male-forward scents but I’ll try. It smells like a men’s perfume that I come across every now and then, but idk what that exact perfume is. It’s spicy, but in a cold way? I do pick up the sweet notes, but I can’t tell which notes are doing that, I suspect it’s the cinnamon bark and/or nutmeg. This would smell nice on guys. On me? Not so much.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️ It’s fine on guys, but I wouldn’t take a double take, er, sniff.
Vibe: that guy you’re seeing who you’re not sure whether his boasts at his entrepreneurial prowess actually has merit or is complete bs, but hey, at least he knows how to dress up!
Legere Comme L’air - ” On the fresher end of the spectrum is this light and airy fragrance that is perfect for those hot summer days when you almost do not want to put on perfume. The prominent notes of osmanthus blossom, green tea, grapefruit, bergamot, blood orange, and heliotrope brings it together to make it an accomplished fragrance. Legere Comme L'air is perfect for the office, and on those nervous first dates when you want to be memorable without leaving a cloud of cloying scent behind.”
So to me, THIS is unisex. Still masculine-leaning but I can actually see myself wearing this when the situation arises. This also reminds of another men’s perfume that I don’t know of. Light, fresh, and the combination of the florals and fruits blend well together that they complement each other without overpowering the other.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️ Not for me, but would smell really good on guys!
Vibe: riding the mrt and standing beside you is a well-dressed man staring vacantly outside the window just like you did a few moments ago. Every now and then you catch a whiff of his perfume, and wonder what’s a man like him doing in a vehicle like mrt? The train stops at Buendia, and before you know it he’s hastily on his way out, accidentally bumping your shoulder and a quick glance at you says “I’m sorry.” As the train continues onward to Guadalupe, you catch a faint scent of the stranger’s perfume on the shoulder he bumped into. (Yaks bakit naging novella HAHAHAHA)
Chocolat Extreme - ”For chocolate lovers who can appreciate the subtle nuances of cocoa in its various forms. This fragrance is an indulgence like no other and it appeals mostly to gourmand lovers with singular cravings. This should come with a warning label: WILL MAKE YOU CRAVE FOR CHOCOLATE CAKE AND OTHER CHOCOLATE DESSERTS.”
I’m a chocoholic through and through, so this positive review is inevitable. It’s a bittersweet cocoa. That’s it. And sometimes that’s enough.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️ LOVE! Kung gusto mo magdiet at tumigil sa tsokolate singhutin mo to hahaha
Vibe: hot chocolate made from tsokolate tablea, watching feel-good movies you used to enjoy many moons ago.
Cafe Intense - ”For coffee die-hards who love to smell of java. Coffee accords, lightly sweet toffee, and vanilla shine through and gives this fragrance structure and impressive longevity.”
Other than chocolate, I’m infamously known to be a coffeeholic. Smells like french vanilla with an extra shot of expresso with a smidge of toffee. Or kopiko candy. There’s also this slight floral note lingering somewhere upon dry down, which tbh I love it. I don’t know if that’s just me though, but I’m not complaining. Mixing this with Chocolat Extreme is ✨👌 gourmand goodness.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️ LOVE! Enough said.
Vibe: drinking java at your local cafe, setting up your laptop, planner, and notes. You’re going to be there for a while.
Gingerbread Cookie - ”Made of praline accords, gingerbread note, cinnamon bark, vanilla, and brown sugar, Gingerbread Cookies Extrait de Parfum is a delectable gourmand fragrance that puts you in a state of holiday cheer, no matter the time of year.”
I’ve never tried gingerbread cookies, like at all. My idea of the holidays is chocolate cake, cookies, and strong coffee. So honestly my idea isn’t really festive. 😅 This scents smells strongly of cinnamon to me, reminds me so much of cinnamon bread (mmm now I want one). Very spicy, it dries down sweeter due to the vanilla and brown sugar, but the cinnamon still makes its presence known.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️ I like it! Though I won’t put this as often as Chocolat, Sucre, and Cafe, this would be nice to use on days where I want gourmand but more spicy than sweet.
Vibe: you’re invited to your friend’s xmas party where their holiday traditions are more westernized, whereas you’d rather be eating sweet spaghetti and lechon than drink another eggnog (ngl I wanna know what eggnog tastes like)
Iris and Saffron Oud
IRISES! One of the few florals in perfumes I adore to bits. Iris and Saffron Oud is sophisticated, the oud elevating it beyond just being another floral perfume. It almost smells cold, despite the oud. I’d wear this for formal events, but I can see people wearing this for work because why the hell not?
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️ Love. I feel so fancy wearing this for someone wearing shorts. 🥸
Vibe: attending a formal ball, roaming outside to the estate’s garden to take a breather from the noise. The music and chatter begins to fade away as you go further into the garden, irises swaying softly, the crisp chill air indicate the dying days of summer.
Iris en Hiver
This is Saffron Oud’s daintier sister. It reminds me a bit of Narciso Rodriguez Poudree, but they’re not the same. (I’m assuming NR Rouge would be similar, but I haven’t tried that yet) Soft powder complements the iris, with dry down leaning more powdery and creamy (is that even a thing?) as time goes on. Like RMiTF’s Promise Ring, it invokes a sense of innocence, but this is a tad bit more mature.
Verdict: ☕️☕️☕️☕️☕️ Love. Irises and powder notes? So lovely. 🤍
Vibe: back to the ball, retouching your lipstick and patting another layer of face powder before getting back to the scene. You see irises in ornate vases upon exiting the bathroom.

🍷 Pete and Alia 🍷
Where you can buy them: website, shopee
Scent/s: (Feminine set) 004 Chance, 005 Beldandy, 006 Jasmine. (Cheers set) 007 Salvador, 008 Blanca
Price: P499 for the Discovery sample sets
General verdict: These solid perfumes are very well made, also worth noting is these are the first rice-based perfumes in the PH, and a percentage of proceeds goes to various charities. Even for small samples, they seem dense enough that finishing one will take a while before you buy a full size. I haven’t tested longevity yet as I got these recently and tested each one every 2 hours, so I’ll update this part in the future to report on that.
UPDATE: These last 2-3 hours on my skin, not very strong. Would need frequent touchups.
004 Chance - ”The chance is the classic rose scent destined on the skin of the independent city woman who longs to be free in a floral field of roses. she says hello with fresh notes of bergamot blended with floral and fruity notes of rose and cantaloupe. she smiles at you as she fades into vanilla, patchoulli, and leather. notes: bergamot, rose, cantaloupe, vanilla, patchoulli, leather.”
I don’t get rose? If there is, it might be faint. I think I’m mostly smelling cantaloupe, which I don’t really like. I can’t detect the rose and vanilla at all even after two hours went by, maaaybe I can smell the patchouli, but I could’ve been nose-blind at that point. There’s also something waxy about this scent, I thought it could be the leather, but idk? I have no idea, it reminds me of one of the Watsons brand lipbalms that I dislike so much because of its waxy scent.
Verdict: 🍷🍷 I may not be the right person for this. I really do wish the rose and vanilla notes were more prominent, but that’s just me 🤷🏻‍♀️
Vibe: accompanying your friend in their candle-making class. They’re passionately explaining to you the process of it all while you nod along and encourage them, genuinely happy for their excitement but also getting a little lost throughout their explanation.
005 Beldandy - ”The beldandy is the loyal friend of every strong independent woman. She comforts her with fresh notes of lemon and thyme blended with floral, aromatic, and nutty notes of rose and cardamom. She sits with you with calming notes similar to a cup of tea. notes: lemon, thyme, rose, cardamom, tea.”
Oooh, I like this! Citrusy and floral in equal measure, the rose and lemon notes really shine through in this one, while thyme and cardamom gives them an earthy balance. The lemon here isn’t like sweetened iced lemon tea, more like hot brewed lemon tea blend. It’s very calming.
Verdict: 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷 Love! Imo this is a pretty safe buy.
Vibe: browsing the shops at Cubao Expo, looking for a good deal on secondhand books. You eventually stop by a cafe residing there, sipping on lemon tea as you’re reading one of the books you bought.
006 Jasmine - ”The jasmine is the unapologetic fruity and floral scent made for the girl who chooses a bouquet of jasmine over roses. She draws you in with fresh notes of bergamot and jasmine blended with fruity notes of melon and green apple, and then slowly fades into vanilla, patchoulli, and leather. notes: bergamot, jasmine, melon, green apple, vanilla, patchoulli, leather.”
P+A has a quiz where the result is the recommended perfume for you, and I got Jasmine. I like jasmine usually (Lush’s Lust and Flying Fox are really good jasmine heavy scents!) and while this one is also purely jasmine, this specifically is very much like sampaguita. Sampaguita as a flower, I adore. As perfume, not really. The bergamot and green apple add a zest to the jasmine, while I can’t really detect a whole lot of vanilla/patchouli/leather even on dry down.
Verdict: 🍷🍷🍷 Not really keen on smelling like sampaguita. 😅
Vibe: visiting your local church on a wednesday, the last mass has just finished and you’re waiting for the next one. You kneel down and pray on one of the pews. The first thing you see when you look up is the statue of Mother Mary, her silent gaze knows of your untold truths.
007 Salvador - ”Salvador holds a glass of red wine in one hand and you in the other. He leads the night with a citrus combination of bergamot, ginger, and grapefruit. He seduces you with a garden filled with lily of the valleys and there, a delicious temptation of forbidden stone fruits of plum and peach. He leaves you craving for more with warm earthy memories of oud, cedar, and tonka beans notes: bergamot, ginger, grapefruit, lily of the valley, plum, peach, oud, cedar, tonka beans.”
This is a masculine scent, but works well as unisex. The fruit notes, particularly grapefruit, peach and plum, work really well with the earthy accords of oud and tonka beans. The bergamot and lily of the valley softens the rest of the notes to create a smooth aromatic blend. It’s fruity without being overly sweet, it just smells...smooth. Understated, but smells so good.
Verdict: 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷 I would love to smell this on a guy, it smells really enticing!
Vibe: he invites you to have an impromptu dinner at his place, and upon getting there he surprises you with homemade dinner and a bottle of wine. He bashfully tells you that he wished this would’ve been more romantic, but you’re already thinking how to show your appreciation after dinner.
008 Blanca - ”Blanca composes herself with incredible spirit and grace. She wakes up flawless and fresh with notes of lavender and lemon. She brings in life with fruity notes of pineapple and coconut. The sunset waits for her to finish her glass of white wine with warm notes of incense and oud. notes: lavender, lemon, pineapple, coconut, incense, oud.”
This smells like an expensive candle, but unlike Chance, the waxy note smells better, most likely because of the coconut. The lavender, oud and incense softens the coconut further, it almost smells creamy, like luxurious coconut lotion. I can’t smell the pineapple on me though. Like Salvador, this is a smooth fragrance.
Verdict: 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷 Love! I don’t normally go for coconut scents, but this is an exception.
Vibe: having a staycation at a hotel outside Metro Manila. Scheduled a spa day with your friends as you catch up and gossip over white wine.

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you so much for sticking with me! Everything except Pete and Alia I’ve been testing and revisiting since the past year, either for weeks or months. As for Pete and Alia, if my thoughts change in the future I’ll do my best to update them in this post.
Anywho, please support local! So many brands are popping up that are creating original products, handmade and most materials are sourced right here in the Philippines. You’ll never know that what you’re looking for may just be right here all along! 😄💜
Edit: I HATE mobile formatting hahahayst
submitted by neonfroot to beautytalkph [link] [comments]

AITA for not being extremely wealthy?

Hey all! Hope you’re doing well today. So I’m in a bit of a pickle here. My daughter is 19, going on 20 and would be a sophomore this college school year.
However, there were some incidents that changed this. My ex-wife (her mother) and I had promised we’d help her pay for college, alternating semesters. It was my turn to pay this Fall semester, but I had some financial setbacks.
My girlfriend has had a hard time coping with the pandemic and apparently developed an addiction of some sort to shopping and online gambling. She doesn’t really leave her bed at all, besides to go to the bathroom and eat, she just sits on her phone all day draining her bank account. Her and I don’t live together yet, as we’ve only been dating for 8 months, but I lent her a good amount of money so she won’t get evicted and am probably going to have to pay for her to go to rehab until this pandemic is over.
My ex-wife has failed to be understanding and help pay for this semester of college for my daughter. I also suggested to my daughter that since her mom doesn’t want to help she could get a job on campus. Long story short after plenty of arguing between the three of us, my daughter is taking the school year off. She hasn’t talked to me since this whole thing occurred. I’ve tried reaching out plenty of times, but think she blocked my phone number and I can’t find her on Facebook anymore.
Keep in mind that her mother made no attempt to help us in this financial crisis and didn’t have a good relationship with our daughter growing up. I was always the main bread winner and her favorite. Not saying that’s relevant, just putting it out there.
Edit 1: Typo.
Edit 2: It seems she blocked me on Facebook, so I have no way of even talking to her.
Note: Please stop with the vulgar messages.
submitted by AITAmoneyissues to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

I’m (27M) losing my mind because of my wife’s (28F) actions and I need help

There’s a lot to unload here, feel free to skim or read TLDR at end.
Wife and I are high school sweethearts and married for 8 years, no kids. We went to a very strict religious school in a small town and wife has always struggled with her faith, and blames her upbringing for our dead bedroom. I have done everything to try and help this to no avail, but I can deal with the lack of sex.
However I can’t deal with what has happened this year. We’ve always enjoyed drinking, and she became a party girl in college but never grew out of it. I accepted it, but I fear she is now an alcoholic. She will drink 3 or more drinks about 5 nights a week, and drinks every day. She’s not supposed to drink according to her doctor.
More than that, she’s struggled with severe depression. I have tried to support her, she left her job and I have accumulated a massive amount of debt because of her. I am a bit angry about this because she cannot control her spending and doesn’t see it as a problem. Can’t pay our mortgage or bills? Guess I have to find a way, because she doesn’t care.
I have tried to encourage therapy but somehow I can never address this with her the right way. She’s very sensitive to anything I say - I ask her where she’s going when she leaves the house, but apparently it’s not my business. She’ll snap at me, scream, call me every name in the book for no good reason. It always has to be her way 100% of the time and I’m always the jerk. So when I bring up therapy somehow I’m not being supportive of her, I’m being demeaning.
Look, I’m not incredible or anything, but I am hardworking and decent looking, I take care of myself and her, and I’m honest and loyal and I take self improvement seriously. Which makes this next part even more baffling.
So this year my wife changed her medication, she’s only been diagnosed with depression but I think something else is going on, but wtf do I know. She drinks all the time and her personality has changed so much I don’t even know her, she’s made new friends that really don’t like me and they just party all the time.
Now this floored me. My wife said she had a spiritual awakening recently and decided she wanted a divorce. This came out of no where, and she has been completely unemotional about it. She’s made crazy demands like I stay roommates with her because she deserves the house just as much as I do, nevermind I pay all the bills. She goes out EVERY SINGLE NIGHT to party and has opened new credit cards to do so and is refusing to talk to me about anything now.
I’m losing my mind because she’s been so mad at me, the only reason she gave for the divorce is we make better friends and I’ve been unsupportive of her issues and I’m mean. I’m not perfect, far from it, we’ve had our share of arguements and I’ve gotten angry back at her sometimes, but she’s hit me and slapped me during those and that’s okay but if I accidentally step on her foot or something she screams at me for 5 minutes and tells me how nasty I am. And she’s telling her new friends I’m abusive and trying to force her to have sex with me when that’s all lies and even my friends won’t talk to me because they believe her.
She has nights that confuse me more where she questions her childhood and can’t remember if she was verbally abused by her uncle, she’ll say wild things about only marrying me to be supported, she claims her childhood dr diagnosed her with narcissism or something but nothing was ever done, and now she said she’s asexual as well but also wants to try having sex with a woman?! I am just dumbfounded.
I know this is a lot to take in but I have no one to talk to, at this point she’s been refusing to speak with me for 3 weeks, she’s been living in the basement and I only see her when she leaves the house, as I work from home. She hasn’t done anything other than say she wants a divorce and snap at me if I speak to her. Please help, do I try to make this work? She hasn’t initiated the divorce and I think she needs rehab and drs help, she just doesn’t think anything is wrong.
TLDR Wife may be an alcoholic and has spending and gambling addiction, parties every night and suddenly asked for divorce but hasn’t attempted to file. Is demanding we both live in the house, she doesn’t work and I pay all bills. She has severe depression but is taking meds that haven’t help and is refusing any further treatment. Told friends I’m abusive when I’m not. Can I help her? I don’t want a divorce
submitted by throwawayRA9992 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

Habits - or why you want to change your life every evening and then don't.

I've recently read the book "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg and it's been quite the eye opening experience for me. I've seen a lot of comments and memes in this sub that mention wanting to change your life in the evening, when you're going to sleep but the very next morning you keep going with whatever negative behaviour it is that you want to change, not even considering the toughts from the evening before. To people who consider themselves as rational and logical as we do, this may be hard to understand so I figured I'd explain it:
What is a habit?
A habit is an automatic behaviour that a person (or animal) does when confronted with a certain trigger. It's basically like a little, fixed program somewhere deep in your lizard brain that allows you to execute complex actions, without having to actively think about it. Like when you're driving your way home for work, your mind wanders off and suddenly you're driving up your driveway, without really remembering the actual process of driving.
How is a habit formed?
There are two requirements for a regular action to become a habit:
a) A trigger: Habits always start in the same (or in a very similar) way: An example of this is waking up in the morning and making yourself a coffee. Or only smoking when you're drinking alcohol.
b) a reward. What this means is that there is some kind of positive outcome associated with following the habit. Sometimes this is biological (like when you smoke the nicotine affects the reward center of the brain), sometimes it's more abstract (like the feeling of having accomplished something after cleaning up your flat), but the reward is absolutely mandatory. It doesn't mean that you have to like the actual action, a more negative example of this would be cutting (self-harming): While the cutting is not considered a fun thing, even by those that do it, the reward (distraction from psychological pain through physical pain) is still considered positive.
How are habits different from conscious routines?
Habits are the brain's way of saving processing powecompute time. It allows us to do one thing, while being focused on another thing. Think of a hunter-gatherer throwing a spear at an animal. Throwing a spear is difficult, so if you have to actively think about doing it, you're not doing much else and may not notice the predator that is approaching you from the side. The downside to this is, that you are not thinking about what you're doing at all. That's why someone will swear one day to never gamble again and when faced with a trigger all that (honest) resolve goes away and only after the reward has disappeared (going home) you realize that you just gambled away your children's college fund for the third time this year.
But you can choose not to follow a habit, right?
Obviously it's possible, through mental effort, to decide against following your habit. It does however create negative emotions. Basically you become cranky. That's why you'll get pissed at someone keeping you from watching your favorite show. It's not that you're angry because you want to know how the story continues after all you could just watch it another time on the internet instead, but you're angry because you're not getting your "fix".
What does this mean for me?
So if you're unhappy with your life and want to change things but end up doing the same things over and over, it may be that you're stuck in a habit loop. Same reason why drug addicts who go to rehab have an easier time to get physically clean (some drugs are physically addicting in addition to psychological addiction) but when they go home to their druggie friends they're confronted with their old triggers and go right back to using. That's also why Alcoholics Anonymous works: The first thing they do is identifying triggers and avoiding them, as well as giving you an alternative to using, when confronted with the unavoidable accidental trigger: Calling your sponsor.
Ok, but how do I get rid of a habit?
Essentially? You don't. Once a habit is established there is no known procedure for getting rid of it. This shit is saved deep in your lizard brain and you can not consciously access that. Even losing your memory can not remove bad habits (which is why someone with amnesia can still do some things they could before).
The only way of "beating" bad habits is overriding them with new ones. This is most easily accomplished by maintaining trigger and a reward but doing another thing instead (like calling the AA sponsor). It's a difficult process but if you really want change this is how you do it.
I definetly recommend reading the book, I am certainly struggling to apply it (well, I'm not trying because that's not a habit of mine yet ;o) but at least now I understand why I'm a lazy piece of garbage :)
Hope it can help some of you!
submitted by ArguesAgainstYou to INTP [link] [comments]

Feeling Confused - Rehab

So I posted last week about my husband and feeling like there was no hope in our relationship. He has a Xanax and a gambling addiction that has been around for many years, but seems like it's at an all time peak right now.
After confiding in my parents and talking with my therapist, they suggested I offer rehab before I threaten divorce. I am genuinely on the fence about staying vs going and I do think maybe I have one more chance in me. Honestly, I assumed he would shut it down quickly and say he doesn't need it because that's the reaction I've gotten every single other time that I've suggested it.
So now I am confused. I feel like I offered it just expecting him to say no and then I'd have my answer and path forward. I'm glad he's open to it, but I'm also skeptical because saying and doing are 2 very different things. He's great at saying things and vowing to make a change but the doing is not often there. I agreed to give him until after Christmas to look at the various rehab centers near us and then after that I need to see action. I feel like I should be more excited that this is even an option right now, but instead I feel confused? And sad?
Are these feelings normal? Am I right to be skeptical? I have another meeting with my therapist this week and I plan to discuss this with her then, but I'd love to hear from anyone else who's been down this road.
submitted by HopelessAtHome to naranon [link] [comments]

Seeking advice from life long alcoholics who are or have been sober for long periods of time.

Hello. I'm reaching out for some advice.
My father has never been in my life he was a severe alcoholic before and after I was conceived and in and out of prison periodically as well. Usually because they would lock him up because he could not stop drinking.
My mother raised me alone and suffers from a chronic lifelong and painful disease.
There were times where my father would pop in and out for very short amounts of time but never would he be around long.
Until my teen years somehow he ended up living with us for about 2 years between the age of 15-16.
Unfortunately the rest of our family is toxic and abusive.
During my teen years my mother started gambling and it spiraled out of control into a gambling addiction and caused us a lot of suffering and eventually homelessness.
She blames her addiction on her loser ex husband, abusive family, and her illness, as well as the medication she was taking she claims warped her mind.
Today her addiction is an ongoing problem and we deal with it on a day by day basis.
The current situation of my father is that after years of rehabs and prison he finally became sober.
I dont know his exact sober time but he has worked jobs on and off and lives in a home where there are several others and pays low rent. he also spent several years prior living in a sober living home with other recovering alcoholics.
Unfortunately mental illness and toxic verbal abuse is a consistent factor in my family and plagues all of us.
My father's father and mother were mentally ill and abusive and subsequently he became the same way.
During his addiction my mother also got court ordered child support that he never paid any of and is still owed in the court system.
My question is really "is he actually sober"
Or what do you consider the definition of being sober.
In recent talks I've overheard between my father and mother there has been a lot of bashing from him towards her. He makes a lot of sick disturbing comments and constantly preaches about his 12 steps.
From what I've read, he never completed step 8 or 9. at least not with me.
He will always owe the child support and not having it has become a great burden on my life and future and when actually asked about him paying it. He told me he would change states and work under the table before doing so.
There have also been consistent threats of violence among other hateful statements.
I do have my own issues and struggles but basically Never will I allow this horrendous person to ever be around or a part of my life.
But my wonder is. would you consider something or someone like this to actually be sober.
Yes as I understand it he isnt drinking. but he acts as though he is a dry drunk. and when confronted with that statement he laughs and scoffs.
The only reason my mother even speaks to him is because I believe she has no one else in her life and has this desperate need for companionship and a constant void that needs to be filled in her mind.
But personally I just don't see how someone like this can act this way. Never resolve his debts to his son nor care to nor want to. And still be considered sober.
To me it's more that he clouds and hides his addiction and ongoing problems of today behind the shield that is sobriety.
I was hoping to gain some insight on others experiences here and hope I can gain some advice and help here.
Because I just don't know what to expect from this person anymore.
Can someone actually say they've adequately gone through the 12 steps if they refuse to ever even make good on child support money that a court of law ordered them to pay?.
submitted by LeagueNext to alcoholicsanonymous [link] [comments]

today i am one year sober.

i'm trying not to make too much of a big deal about it but today i am 365 days sober from alcohol. i would've never thought i would get to this day because it honestly felt like the longest year ever because of the PAWS and the debilitating stomach issues i've gone through because of it. But i vouched to myself a life of sobriety and by god i'm gonna do it. but here's my story if you care to hear it:
i hit my rock bottom when i found myself banging at the package store door at 8am every single goddamn day hoping to get a few shots/beers in me so i can get out the nightmarish hangover i was going through day in and day out. i never thought i'd be that person. i would stumble my hungover ass down there every morning with one thought on my mind, alcohol. i would cycle numerous different package stores around town multiple times a day just so they wouldn't think i had a problem, but they're not stupid, they knew.
one day i found a bar in my town (one i NEVER went to because it's scummy af in a scummy part of town) that opens at 6am (for breakfast because of the 3rd shifters that work at the factory next door) but the bartenders served alcohol because 90% of the people in my town are alcoholics. that dug me into the worst downward spiral i've ever been in. i'd usually only get 3 hours of sleep a night if i was lucky and i'd wake up at 5am with a nasty hangover and dread having to wait 3 hours for the packy to open, so this bar would be my home for the next 4 months or so, i'd be the first one in the bar at 5:58am and the bartender would have a beer cracked open for me. a beer (bud/bud light) was $1.50 and a shot of well alcohol was $3, so it was pretty easy to get plastered for cheap. i ran down my bank account going barhopping every single day so i would run up tabs and walk out on them, not purposely..(eventually getting sober and going back to settle all of them with complete and utter embarassment) thank god they didn't care too much because i was a local but it made me feel like a horrible human being. the people i'd meet at this place were complete and utter lowlifes...i'd have to hear their stories of how they used to be hot shit, how they were in the mob, (because i live in an italian infused town) how they're high rollers at the local casinos, and i'd be so fucked up, i'd entertain their stories and become buddies with them..they bought me shots/beers and i had no problem at all being buddy buddy with them. i used to bang one of the new bartenders they just hired and she would hook me up on the regular..and i'd have to hear all the guys talk about how hott she was when she walked away, and they'd do anything to get with her. one night me and her went out and got really drunk together and she slept over, we were both naked and about to eff the living shit out of eachother, but i couldn't get hard so i passed out, the next day she decided to fill me in that her recent ex boyfriend gave her a life changing STD, and that right there could've ruined my fucking life if i went through with that sex.
i was just living a sad ass existence.
eventually something started happening with my body that i was becoming concerned with. not only was i shitting out yellow oily substances 2 minutes after i ate (if and when i ate), but i started feeling very unwell all the time. i just wasn't myself. the alcohol wasn't getting me drunk anymore, it was basically just accumulating in my system and i'd just get extremely messed up hours later. i'd get horrible brain fog and i felt like i was living in an alternate reality where things were just fake as all hell. i felt SO depersonalized. i would drive to the casino and get extremely messed up for free because i'd pretend i was gambling. i was passing out in my car in different parking lots of different casinos and bars. i'd wake up at 3am in my backseat and just be SOOOOO out of it that i'd piss myself and go back to sleep. i would drink my alcohol and throw it up in the bathroom an hour later just so i can keep drinking
it took me 4 detox rehab stints in a 4 month span to realize what i was doing to myself. there is nothing worse than waking up with a group of 50+ strangers going through the same nightmare you are in a place where you're literally locked in, being woken up every 2 hours throughout the night, even though you're going through alcoholic insomnia and aren't getting any sleep anyways
i left rehab and immediately relapsed each time. i saw this girl at the bar that i used to chill with one night and i went back to her place just to chill and drink more. i spent 7 days at her apartment, she bought 30 racks and i drank at her place while she went to work everyday and when she got out, we'd hit the bars..then go back to her house, and we'd drink some more. and that went on for a week. i didn't change my clothes, i didn't shower, i felt fucking disgusting.
one night me and her went to a local bar and got shitfaced. these complete losers came in and sat with us and i got real bad vibes from them. they saw i was feeling down and out so they offered me a bump of cocaine, and i am one of those people who have NEVER touched a hard drug in my life, but i said fuck it and they set me up a line, i ended up denying it in the end because i'm a giant pussy..they all proceeded to do some shrooms and decided we're gonna go to a party. and this party was a banger, and it was 20 miles away in the middle of the woods, they had a live band, and if i wasn't as messed up as i was, it would've been fun af, but it wasnt and i wanted to leave. i spent 4 hours looking for a ride because they were all too tripped out to even function. it was fucking freezing and i walked over 20 miles to her house and it took me a long ass time, literally frozen and drunk, and it was HORRIBLE. that was the night i took my final drink. my last drink.
i developed extreme PTSD because of all this shit. that PTSD is what got me to stop. every single damn time i get the urge to drink, i think of what i went through everyday. every time the thought of beer crosses my mind, i get sick to my stomach thinking about that life i was living. i never want to go through that ever again. i'd rather be sober, depressed and miserable than drunk, numb and SICK all the fucking time. i sometimes drive past these bars i would frequent just to watch the regulars sitting outside drinking their $1.50 can of bud looking miserable af.
i'm just happy to be this far into my sobriety. 365 fucking days bro.
if you read all of this..i appreciate you taking the time to read my story. i know it went on and on but that's how i got from where i was to where i am now. i got a nice built up bank account, i got a beautiful puppy that i love to death, my mother told me yesterday that she's proud of me and i proved her wrong, those words were enough to make it all worth it, because i put her through hell and back
i've finally decided it's time i start dating again..i took that year for myself but i think i'm ready to find 'the one'
but i appreciate all of you. we're all in this together. one sober community. and i hope all of you get to where you wanna be at. thanks for listening
submitted by neverleavingthewagon to alcoholicsanonymous [link] [comments]

Newlywed in Crisis

Thank you in advance anyone who takes the time to read this. I’m sure this will be long as I attempt to get it all out there.
TLDR: My husband of 4 months has basically been on a year long bender. I think I’m at my breaking point.
I’ve known my husband for 5 years now. We met at 19 and fell quickly in love. I grew up very sheltered and I don’t think I had any knowledge at all of addiction other than alcoholism. I’d never heard of Xanax (his drug of choice), let alone the addictive nature of them. We went to a huge party school and almost everyone I knew dabbled in hard drugs. It was super common and at the time, my husband’s usage was no worse than anyone else I knew. The thing is, everyone else stopped eventually and moved on and got real jobs etc while my husband remained “stuck”.
He is a wonderful guy. He is loving and funny and smart. He would give anyone the shirt off his back. But when he uses he turns into some ugly monster version of himself. This past year has been the worst I’ve ever seen. He can’t hold a job. Money keeps disappearing. He’s mean and angry and a zombie half the time. Of course there are great moments, but I feel like it’s been at least 85% bad.
Being a little naive and young, I don’t think I truly realized he had a problem until this winter. I always knew he would take Xanax but I guess I didn’t realize the scope. In January, I found a bunch of pills and he basically was “falling asleep” at all hours of the day in the middle of conversations, at dinner, etc. Acting super irrationally. It clicked with me then that this was a major problem and we needed to address it. He was resistant and I let him convince me he could “handle it on its own”. Again - I was naive and wanted to believe him.
In February he started disappearing in the middle of the night, money was missing, weird behaviors. I found out that he was going the to casinos and gambling. Turns out he was siphoning money from a business account we have. So not only was I trying to help him with a benzo addiction but also a gambling addiction. In March, I begged him not to go to his bachelor party in Vegas but he went anyways. I’m not sure I’ll ever know exactly what went down, but I do know that he drained our savings account ($20,000) and came back extremely messed up on pills.
After Vegas, he agreed to go to therapy. This is a small step, but it felt like a huge one. It seemed we were making huge progress with this step. Things seemed to be okay. We had high amounts of stress due to wedding planning (thanks COVID). Right before the wedding (July) I noticed he was acting odd again. I confronted him, but he assured me it was just wedding stress. I wanted to believe him.
We had our wedding, I thought things were okay. We went on our honeymoon and he came back a day early to “take care of work stuff”. He drained our savings again ($10,000) and had to get narcan’d in a gas station parking lot because he passed out. Thank god he wasn’t actually driving at the time or he would have gotten a OUI. At this point, I’m just in survival mode. He stopped working in March. He’s drained all of our savings and emergency funds. I feel like I am a shell of a person trying to hold it all together. He agrees he needs help, but says therapy is doing enough.
Things have been strained all fall, but seemed okay. He’s still not working but he was working on tapering his dose. His last Xanax was on Halloween.... until last week. I came home from work last Friday and he was passed out with drugs next to him. He’s been on a bender since then. We missed Thanksgiving with his family because he was passed out the entire week. I also found out he’s still gambling through online means and that he owes massive debts to credit cards and drug websites. At this point, I’m sure there is more I don’t know.
I finally broke down and called my parents for help. I’m only 25 and I’m barely surviving as it is. My parents are so supportive, but they obviously want me to leave and start over. I am lost and don’t know what to do. My parents and I have agreed that he needs to go to rehab, but he obviously needs to make that choice on his own.
He is a wonderful man when he is not using, but at this point I’m not sure he will ever stop. I have lost so much of myself trying to help him. I want so badly for him to get help and for us to have a long and wonderful marriage. But we’ve only been married 4 months and all of this is going on. Plus, like I said I’m only 25 and the thought of this being the rest of my life is so scary.
I need some advice/input/stories/anything. I don’t care if you tell me to leave, tell me to stay, tell me I’m horrible. I need to hear anything from some unbiased sources. I feel like I am drowning and I desperately need help.
submitted by HopelessAtHome to naranon [link] [comments]

is there rehab for gambling video

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There is not only a need but possibly as big of a need for gambling rehabilitation centers as there is for other types of rehabilitation facilities. Here is the list of rehabilitation centers for compulsive gamblers in the Philippines that can help address gambling related addiction, compulsive gambling or ludomania. Additionally, the stress of chronic gambling is a risk factor for cardiovascular disease. Seeking the help of gambling addiction rehab centers is crucial. Gambling Addiction Treatment at Promises Behavioral Health Centers. Promises Behavioral Health offers gambling addiction rehab centers at The Ranch in Tennessee. With an authentic ranch setting of rolling hills and green pastures, The Ranch is a peaceful place that promotes recovery and healing. The good news is that there are many inpatient and outpatient gambling rehab centers in the country built for the purpose of helping the addict get back to normal life. This article would focus on some helpful information on gambling addiction treatment facilities and other helpful information a person might need to get help. Ocean Recovery can often offer places in a matter of hours, even sorting out things such as transport, which ensures you arrive safely and can begin your programme in no time at all. If you need help and support with a gambling problem, get in touch with us Simply call 01253 847 553 or complete our contact form and we’ll get right back to you. Gambling can be a fun once-in-a-while activity or, for the lucky few, a way to win that illusive jackpot. Unfortunately, gamblers can become obsessive and compulsive about playing the ponies or pulling the one-armed bandit. They may find themselves in the throes of an addiction that could ruin them financially, socially, psychologically or even physically. The gambling addict may say something like, “How many times can a person lose? It’s against the odds that I’d keep losing, right? I just know I’m gonna win the next hand.” How to Overcome a Gambling Addiction. The answer to the question, “how to cure a gambling addiction” is this: there is no cure for a gambling addiction. Instead, compulsive gambling must be addressed the same way as a substance addiction. Treatment methods commonly employed in gambling treatment centers include cognitive-behavioral therapy, motivational therapy, medication, and Gamblers Anonymous meetings. 2 Many inpatient gambling rehabilitation programs also offer group meetings, individual counseling, life skills coaching, and evaluation and treatment for other issues. There are many people who do enjoy casual or occasional gambling that does not result in any negative consequences to financial or mental health. These are gamblers who can accept a loss and walk away from a further bet. However, if you are noticing that you’re clicking into sites more often, and placing larger and larger bets, you may be developing a dependency. Gambling addiction impacts ... Rehabs for gambling addictions will take an integrative approach which meets the individual’s needs. A gambling treatment centre will help a person to control the urges to gamble while identifying and replacing unhealthy and irrational beliefs. If there is any associated depression, anxiety or feelings of self worth, therapy, group talks and yoga can help the person resolve these issues and feel better about life. Finding gambling rehab can prove to be a challenging process but the end result is very rewarding. We can help you find a gambling rehab center or support group in your area that will provide you with effective treatment for gambling addiction that’s close to your home or place of work. There’s no need to continue dealing with the adverse affects of this terrible disease on your own—help is available in gambling rehab centers 24 hours a day,7 days a week.

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is there rehab for gambling

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