Hazardous Waste Disposal San Jose, California

Originally on LibraryofShadows
Date: January 23, 1999. Location: Top of a mountain in British Columbia, Canada.
Carter Slade - Age 8 - was walking with his father to the summit of the mountain. He was shivering from the extreme cold, not wearing a jacket. His father Rorick, an elderly crippled man was walking beside him. “Father I’m so cold.... I’m going to die out here!”
“Nonsense boy. You have that healing factor, it’s keeping you alive. If you studied with the Appalachian monks more closely you would already know how to keep your body warm. I could at your age. As punishment for not putting one hundred percent effort into your training, you are to stay up here for two weeks. It’s up to you to make your own heat and keep yourself alive. I also expect you to have that entire textbook of advance calculus completed with perfect accuracy. If there is a single mistake or you use the the book to make a fire, I will prolong your punishment for another two weeks. As an added bonus we took our hobgoblin out of the cell and gave him your scent. This is the perfect time to practice your meditation. You better get it to the point you can get your rest at will and always be vigilante.” A helicopter could be heard approaching in the distance.
Carter just wept and begged his father, “Father, you know I can’t do all of that! This is cruel! Evil!”
“The real cruelty was not testing you sooner boy. I should have started your training the moment you started walking like I was. We’ll know for sure if you’re worth a shit after two weeks. If I come back to find your corpse then so be it boy.” Once the chopper touched down he hopped on and signaled take off without even looking back at his son once.
The sun was starting to go down and Carter looked around and listened for signs of the hobgoblin, his senses were extremely heightened like his mom’s. It was nowhere close yet. He sat down and meditated to try and fight the cold, anyone else would have died of hypothermia long ago but his natural healing ability kept him right on the brink of freezing to death without ever crossing that line. After a few failed attempts he gave up and opened his textbook. Rorick had made sure that not only was Carter going to physically be the best of the best, but mentally as well.
Date: Feb 6, 1999. Location: Top of the same mountain in British Columbia, Canada.
When Rorick touched down in the helicopter he looked around. There was a clear sign of a struggle that had gone down here. He saw a trail of blood leading from the woods to beside a campfire. One one side was half a carcass of a deer. On another side was the impaled head of the hobgoblin on a makeshift spear. On the far side of the fire was Carter, laying with his shirt off and bare feet in the snow staring up at the clouds in the sky, perfectly content with himself. Without even so much as a glance he sat up, walked by his father, handed him the textbook and climbed into the helicopter. Rorick flipped through the pages briefly and they were completely filled out with notes. With a snicker he got on the helicopter with his son.
Date: April 17, 2006. Location: Underground facility in Cardiff, Wales.
“Mr. Slade, What you are looking at is the most advanced piece of tech in the world right now. We can take scans of people’s brains and memories and implement them into this virtual training program. It’s taken years but the kinks are completely, one hundred percent removed.”
“Ok. What’s it for?” Rorick was sitting in a chair in the laboratory listening to the scientists speak. Carter was flirting with the young receptionist at the desk. At 16 she was too old for him but he was so tall like his father and already muscular - she couldn’t tell he was younger and she was loving the attention from someone closer to her age.
“Essentially we can put people into a virtual simulation of some sort of event. We track the data on how they react or fight. We can also give them handicaps like making them have the restrictions of whoever’s memory it is that way your boy for example wouldn’t wolf out to solve a problem. He would have all the restrictions Pam - the receptionist - would have when it comes to available weapons. Lipstick anyone? We can analyze the data and see how to better improve any soldier - or in your case - any Sacred Guard members that needs training. It’s learning all the time!”
“How does he fight if he’s sitting in that chair?”
“When the helmet is powered on his motor functions go into stasis. All of his brain signals that would normally make him move his limbs gets bypassed to move his virtual self instead.”
“I’ll have to see it in action, I don’t really get it.”
“Absolutely sir. We just need a quick memory scan...” the professor put a helmet on Rorick’s head. The scan took about 5 seconds before the helmet was peeled off. “Perfect! We have also been working with the Americans and their “Project Astaroth” division as well as governments in the commonwealth to get all sorts of data. We can even virtually recreate incidents by looking at video evidence! We’ll be running your boy through three scenarios today. One recreated from our cooperation with the Americans, one from your associate Charlie and from your memories. How does that sound?”
“It sounds fine. Boy! Get in here.”
Carter stopped leaning on the desk and winked at the receptionist and walked in. “What’s the problem?”
“It’s time for your test. Get in the chair, boy.”
Carter chuckled a little smugly, but he complied. The professors assistant placed a helmet on his head and another connected sensors to his skin.
Carter woke up on top of a snowy mountain, different from the one he was on as a child. He heard an ethereal voice, the professor in the real world speaking into a microphone. “Test number one, dubbed “Abominable Abominations”. Year: 1976. Location: The Bermuda Island. Subject: Carter Slade. Weapons: two revolvers with extra bullets in the pouch, a hatchet and a machete. Targets: 9 Yetis. Objective: Keep the traveling group alive. Extra Hazard: Avalanche could occur with noise. Ice is a slipping hazard. Start mission.”
An attractive older blonde woman screamed, “Jesus Christ! We need to go, now!” And she pointed up at the Yeti’s they were incoming already.
Carter turned to them, “I’ll handle this. Whatever you do, don’t fire your guns in case of an avalanche. Get everyone out of here.” And with that Carter turned and sprinted towards the Yetis.
A man with darker hair and facial hair, wearing marine camo had a confused look on his face, “I must be going crazy, that wasn’t Slade was it?”
The blonde woman answered, “You must be seeing things, who else would it be?”
Carter ran up the mountain, quite a bit faster than Rorick did back then. He did the same move his father did in this situation. He threw the hatchet like a tomahawk into the face of the yeti, not quite killing it with just that. He followed it up with a flying kick, kicking it further into the brain. Eight left. He used his momentum in the air to crouch into a dive between the legs of another, slicing its whole back up and his way back up. The Yeti’s organs fell out through the back. Seven left. He tossed the blade in the air only to catch it with upside down, bringing the blade backwards through the chin of another and through its spinal chord. Six left.
Carter kicked up the front of another Yetis as momentum to kick himself in the air. He dropped the knife so the blade went into the gaping mouth of the yeti as it looked up at him. He stomped it hard coming down, shredding through another one. Five left. Two tried approaching him from each side, he jumped in the air and did the splits as he kicked both in the face. They recoiled from the kick and as soon as they brought their heads back into position, the revolver barrels were into the creatures’ mouths. He pulled the triggers, significantly muffled by the surrounding flesh and organs, spraying them everywhere. Three left.
The last two yeti’s stopped advancing altogether, six of them being killed in only seconds. The creatures actually decided to act a little smart. One rushed for the group and the other two tried to attack Carter. He stabbed the machete into one’s heart. Two left, but where was the other one? By pure instinct, he pointed one gun straight up into the mouth of the Yeti, it was trying to bite his head off. The skull muffled the gunshot again as he pulled the trigger, not even looking at it. One left. Carter casually walked over to his hatchet still in cavity of the one’s skull. He threw it at the one trying to reach the survivors - catching it in it’s spine - effectively paralyzing it. He casually walked up to the creature as it tried to crawl away and finished it off with his machete.
“Well old man, I heard that most of your crew died when you did this.”
In the real world Rorick watched through the visual monitor, half astounded at the boys skills and half displeased at his attitude.
The professor leaned into the microphone, “Test successful. One hundred percent. Loading test...”
From the monitor Carter was flipping everyone the bird and smirking. The landscape changed from the snowy mountainside to a dark forest at night.
“Test number two, dubbed “A Nightmare to Remember.”
Carter muttered to himself, “What kind of asshole is coming up with these names?”
“Year: 1976. Location: The Bermuda Island. Subject: Charles Hudson V. Weapons: KSG runic knife and wooden tribal spear. Target: Giant Bat. Objective: Protect Gale Peterson. Extra Hazard: Darkness. Start mission.”
Carter had seen Gale as an adult before in his younger years. She was attractive for an older woman for sure but he had no idea what she was like as a teenager. She had dyed hair, piercings and a denim jacket. Since she was the right age, Carter found her cute. She looked surprised to see him, “Who the fuck are you? Where’s Charlie!?”
“Relax darlin’ he’s safe I assure you. Follow me.”
The pair started walking. “Are you related to Dresden or Slade?”
“You could say that.”
“I see the resemblance, you’re so tall.... and large....” she blushed shyly at him. Hard to believe this was a simulation.
“We’re arriving shortly, I’ve been sent to take care of the problem.”
“What problem?”
Before Gale could walk into the wall of fur that was the giant bat, Carter snapped the spear in half and stabbed both eyes with them she screamed as the creature flexed it’s wings and screeched in pain. He took the knife out of his pocket and jumped high into the air, slicing it open as he came down.
“At least give me a challenge!”
Gale seemed to faun a little at his skills.
“Test successful. One hundred percent. Loading final test.” The professor’s voice boomed.
Carter winked at her, “Catch you in a few years.”
With that she disappeared. The environment shifted a little, but otherwise it was still a dark forest.
“Final Test, dubbed “The Watcher in the Woods”. Year: 1992. Location: Woods in the state of Ohio. Subject: Jesse Palmer. Weapons: Video camera, if you can utilize it. Target: Watcher. Objective: Keep Alive. Extra Hazard: Darkness. Start mission.”
Carter looked down at the video camera in his hands. Inspecting it showed it was a cheap make. It wouldn’t be of use against something as powerful as a Watcher. Carter knew of their tendency to hide and sneak up on prey.
Back in the real world, the professor noticed Rorick had a grumpier look than usual. “What’s the problem sir?”
“The boy is more skilled than anyone I’ve ever witnessed. I just wish he wasn’t so damn arrogant. He’s too good and he knows it....”
“We’ve had about three dozen people take this last test before. Even the ones that passed the first two have always failed this last one. It’s unbeatable.”
Carter turned slowly to see two hollow, silver eyes staring down at him. “I’ve never had the displeasure to look at one of you things before. The creature was almost a dozen feet tall. It’s body was similar to a bear but it’s hands had eagle-like feet with long talons on the end. It’s face looked like a bull skull with pointed fangs in the mouth. It also had moose-like antlers.
The creature bent onto all fours and roared in his face. He didn’t even flinch. “That’s some rancid breath you have there.”
With insane reflexes he slammed the camera into the Watcher’s eye socket. In the same movement he used his momentum to land on its head. He grabbed onto each antler and stomped on its skull as hard as he could, trying to break the antlers off. The creature let out a ghastly wail and tried to reach up to him with its sharp claws. He jerked its head around to avoid the claws.
Eventually he managed to stomp an antler free. He forced the bottom of the antler - which came to a jagged point - right into the other eye socket of the Watcher. It thrashed about as he drove the antler deeper and deeper, like how you would stomp a spade shovel into the ground. Eventually it reached the monsters brain and it fell limp. The body twitched in spasms but otherwise it was still.
“That’s more like it! What else you got?!”
The professor and the rest of the room were silent for a couple moments. He leaned over to the microphone, “Test successful. One hundred percent. Ejecting subject...”
Suddenly Carter’s physical body started to move again, he sat up and ripped the nodes off of himself, and removed the helmet. “It was fun doc, but you need to add some more challenging scenarios in the future. The last one was tougher, I would rate it a B. You want to give it a shot old timer?”
Rorick stood up faster than he should have. He was about eye level with the teenager. “You little prick, I thought I raised you to not be so arrogant?”
“That’s where you’re wrong Father Time, I was raised to be the best of them all. Or did you forget?”
Rorick swung his fist at him, Carter dodged it casually with a look of amusement on his face. Everyone else in the room gasped at this outburst. Rorick swung again and Carter caught his wrist and jabbed his neck with two fingers. Rorick instantly dropped to the ground unconscious from the pressure points. “He always gets like this. It’s time for his nap anyways.” He picked his father up over his shoulder, “We’ll he seeing you.” And with that he was off.
Date: September 30, 2011. Location: San Jose, California.
“What brought you guys down here in the first place?” He was a black man named Marcus. He was the head of the KSG in California. Marcus was walking beside Carter who’s figure looked massive in comparison. Now fully grown, Carter stood at about 6’8”. He had sleeve tattoos that spread to his upper chest and shoulder blades. He was wearing blue jeans, sneakers and a vest with the KSG logo over his white t-shirt and sweatbands on his wrists. His dark hair was short and slicked back a bit. Rorick was on a stretcher, getting transported down the hallway with four more KSG members pushing the stretcher, he was bleeding profusely from a wound in his side. Even the pressure being held there wasn’t keeping it from leaking.
“The old fool tried fighting a mob of ghouls by himself. We managed to track down Victor Roland. He’s never let go of that grudge since the day my mother was killed. The ghouls ambushed him when he decided to investigate by himself.”
They got to a room where Rorick was moved onto a better bed. He was bleeding profusely and losing strength. Carter actually had a look of concern on his face.
“Carter. My son...” Rorick called out to him. This took most of them by surprise, especially Carter. Rorick had never referred to him as anything but “boy” before. “Leave us, it’s my time. Don’t stop it.” Rorick motioned for everyone to leave, they listened. Once the door was closed he continued, “I don’t have much time left, I know that I’ve been cruel to you your whole life son. We’ve never seen eye to eye on anything; I blame myself for your animosity towards me. I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me and see pleasure in watching me die, but you need to know that I truly do love you son. I need you to know why I did what I did.” His speech was intermittent with coughing and gasping for breath.
“Your brother Dresden died on the island where I met your mother. I had such a soft spot for him, I never pushed him to do anything he didn’t want to. His technique was sloppy and undisciplined. Against my wishes and my orders he followed me to that god forsaken place. He didn’t have the skills or training to survive. I never thought I would have another kid and I dedicated my full time to training the members of the Guard. The night you were conceived is also the night I quit doing my duty to run the order. I tried my hand at happiness with you and your mother.... Only to have her and most of the order ripped away violently.....” Rorick was openly weeping at this last part.
“I was so scared of losing you too that I tried to detach myself from you. My upbringing was very difficult. It ended up giving me amazing skill and mastery in a multitude of aspects. I was told that I was the best the order had seen since Argylus himself was part of Arthur’s round table. I took all of that pain, hatred and hardships I endured and turned them up past the threshold of human sanity and human decency. In the end, you’re the absolute pinnacle of what mankind can achieve. You’ve grown much more humble these last couple years and grew into the man I knew could lead our people.”
Rorick reached out for Carter’s hand. Carter stared at it for a moment and clasped his hand in his father’s. Rorick continued, “I know you’ll change the world someday. In fact.... I think you already might have......I.....Truly.....Love..........You...............Son.....................” With his last words, Rorick’s hand went limp.
Carter held his father’s hand for a minute and looked upon him, lost in thought. Once he let go of his father’s hand he stepped away, “You know....In a way....I loved you too old man......Dad......” With a goal in mind and a new sense of purpose he stepped out of the doorway, ducking to get through.
Stepping outside the door, the members all looked up inquisitively at him. “I’m going to finish his last job. When it’s done, let everyone in the order know that I’m in charge now. Say nothing until then, Victor Roland has no idea I exist or that I’m coming for him tonight.” He walked past the others and headed for the armory.
“Carter, what other orders do you have for us?” Marcus asked.
Without turning around or stopping Carter yelled back, “I’m taking my father’s name, Slade. See to it that’s what you call me. I’ll handle this myself.”
The newly christened Slade walked into the living quarters to his room. He changed his jeans to biker chaps and he removed the the t-shirt, vest and wristbands. Slade put on leather boots, a muscle shirt and fingerless gloves in their place. Grabbing a long black sheet from the closet he ripped a piece off and tied it into a bandana. He looked kind of like a pirate he thought as he looked in the mirror. Finally he grabbed his long jacket from his closet and flung it over his shoulder, he headed for the armory next.
Slade grabbed two large machetes with runes and holy symbols carved into the hilt and blades; they also had sheaths that hung at his side. The next thing he grabbed was a long hunting knife that went on a strap over his chest that he could pull down if needed. Next, he grabbed a loaded shotgun and slugs for another holster, a sub-machine gun with clips and finally a small emergency pistol that he slipped into his boot. Before he turned to leave he sensed someone approaching the room, “You know I’m the only person even your master stealth abilities doesn’t work on, right Julia?”
“Didn’t hurt to try...” she replied back. Julia always had a crush on him, admiring him for years. She was trained how to be a master assassin and stealth operative, one of the best.
Slade turned around in full gear, his jacket a long coat but the sleeves only came just past the elbows. “If you try to stop me or follow me, I won’t be very pleased.”
“I know that sir, I wanted to bring you these.” She presented Rorick’s ancient revolvers and holsters. “They have the perfect aim, balance and weight, but you probably know this, don’t you?”
“I’ve snuck in practice with them for sure. I even got to use them in that simulator when I was 16. Thank you.”
Julia had never heard him say the words ‘thank you’ before, she was surprised by it. “All of your bullets will be capable of killing vamps. I’ve included extra rounds for the revolvers as well..... Just... Don’t die Carter....Slade I mean....I don’t know what I-“ she caught herself, “WE would do if something happened to you......Are you sure you don’t want backup?”
He lightly grabbed her chin and pointed it up to face him, “Hey,” He whispered softly, “I have no plans to lose. The streets will be safer for everyone when I’m done.” With that he gave her a kiss and walked out, buckling up the revolvers to his side. She watched as he headed to the hardest fight of his life so far.
Less than an hour later, Slade was walking down the street towards a club. This club was eerily similar to the one his father and mother visited in ‘89 to hunt Victor Roland the first time. He went to the back exit and placed some packages on the back door. He went back to the front and made his way to the entrance. The club was loud and there were lots of innocents being bribed in by the attractive vampire women on the street. They looked vaguely gothic but all had otherworldly beauty. One in particular noticed Slade approaching, his weapons were all hidden by an even larger coat and he wore a hat over his bandana like his father wore. In fact they were his father’s.
“Look girls... Slade has come alone...” She whispered.
Another answered, “He’s old and crippled, who cares at this point? Just let him through and let Victor have his fun.”
As Slade grew closer one of them - she looked like the leader - noticed his face and figure. “Hold on a second. Who is THIS?”
The vampires all gave off an intensely sweet aroma that almost stung Slade’s nose a bit. The leader talked to him, “Name’s Scarlett honey. I need to get to know YOU.” The other vampiress’ all started to admire him as well. “You don’t want to go in that club, why don’t we take you somewhere else nice with the six of us? You’re so handsome!”
“Maybe after ladies, I have business inside.”
“I recognize Slade’s clothes, trust us honey, even in his prime he wouldn’t survive in there. Especially so close to feeding time. Take up our offer instead.” They started touching his arms and pressing themselves against him. “We only lure people in because Roland makes us. We get fed well before hand so we can stay outside. It would be such a waste for someone like you to get eaten before we could experience them.”
“I’ll take my chances Darlin’.”
“Didn’t you hear me? Slade in his prime wouldn’t survive, none of you are him.”
“You’re right I’m not. I’m better.” He winked and walked towards the doors.
The women frowned, “What a waste...”
The body guards recognized Rorick’s outerwear as well. Slade made a point to hide his face better and fake walking like his father as well.
“Well shit, I thought the ghouls got to you! Doesn’t surprise me you’re still kickin’! Pests never seem to die. Normally we would try and stop you but the boss wants you to himself. Go on in!”
He nodded and walked through, keeping his head in shadows. Most of the figures in the room all turned to look at him and stare. The DJ turned the music off. Everyone was staring at the hulking figure in the middle of the room in silence. The only people looking around at everyone in confusion were the humans.
Victor Roland walked onto the main floor clapping his hands, “Rorick Slade! We need to stop meeting like this! The last time I slaughtered almost all of your people! I know you got Borokov, but it was a small price to pay to make you suffer! I’m sure you know by now that I’ve snuffed out - What is it? - 6 different generations of Slade’s in the last 500 years? You want to make this lucky number 7?”
“One of those people you killed was my mother.” Roland and the other vampires exchanged confused glances, not expecting that voice. “And now because of your doing, Rorick is dead too.”
“Ok now I’m really confused, who the hell are you?”
Slade threw off the hat and overcoat to show his regular attire, “Carter Slade bitch! You die tonight!”
He instantly drew the TMP machine gun and sprayed it into the crowd of vampires in front of him, they turned into ash in droves. Vampires rushed him from behind but he pulled out the shotgun and fired into three of them.
Roland turned tail to leave but Slade tossed his shotgun in the air, grabbed his hunting knife and threw directly into Rolands’s bodyguard’s forearm which staked it to the wall, pinning Roland in the process. As he grabbed the falling shotgun he pumped it with one hand and smacked a vampire with it. Tossing it up again he grabbed the handle and shot more vampires with a buckshot. The TMP ran out of bullets so whipped it into a vamp’s head. He switched to two-handing the shotgun, now getting to pump it between rounds. No matter how many threw their bodies at him none could get close. He casually walked the distance towards Roland, killing vampires with every shot.
Slade threw the shotgun directly into the face of a vamp with enough force to crack its skull. The bodyguard managed to pull the knife free and charged at Slade, who casually dodged away and shot him in the head with a revolver. As he turned to ash the knife fell towards the floor. Slade gave it a kick directly into the head of another vamp. Roland was trying to find the exit but Slade pressed a detonation switch. The entire back exit caved in, taking some vamps with it and blocking his exit.
With his free hand he pulled the other revolver out and laid waste to everyone around him. Roland was just steadying himself. From Roland’s point of view he could see the once full club reduced drastically in number and dropping faster still. Miraculously the humans in the club were all untouched. For the first time in his long life, Roland showed actual fear towards this new Slade. His life was actually at risk. He was able to do on his own what an entire team of Sacred Guard members failed to do.
Now out of bullets, Slade holstered his guns and pulled out his machetes. Two more heads rolled to the floor before turning to ash. Out of options, Roland knew he had to go all out. He started to transform into a large man-bat like creature. Slade gave a sly grin, “Finally! I was wondering when you would stop acting like a little bitch!”
Roland roared in his face only for Slade to slash at him with a blade. Roland was much quicker than expected and swiped the blade out of the way. As Slade slashed at him, he managed to parry with his steel-like claws. Most of the vampires in the building that had started to evacuate saw this as an opportunity to rejoin the fight and get the upper hand on him.
The humans had already started escaping with their lives. Now with dozens of regular vampires to deal with in tandem with Roland, Slade was finally showing signs of struggling. For every vampire he took out another one managed to land an attack on him. Roland got the upper hand and knocked one of Slade’s machetes out of his hand.
Roland managed to get Slade’s arm holding the other machete pinned to the ground with his full body weight. Slade reached for his emergency pistol from his boot and brought it to Roland’s face. Roland’s gaping mouth got close to his face he shoved the pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger until the clip was empty. Roland collapsed on top of Slade before turning to ash and blowing away.
Slade got to his feet and looked around at the much smaller numbers of vampires around him. He felt his machete that was thrown pierce him through the chest from behind. The remaining vampires all started to cheer in victory. He looked down at the blade and swung the other around decapitating the one who stabbed him. He pulled the blade from his back and blood poured out from the cavity. The vampires left had all stopped cheering, he closed his eyes in meditation and the blood slowed to a trickle and then stopped altogether. His other scars had all started closing themselves up and healing. “Well this was fun. Who wants to die next?” As they turned to run, Slade slaughtered the remaining vamps in the building.
Scarlett and the other ladies were outside still. They had noticed the humans run outside in a panic and a couple dozen vampires as well. By the time the commotion inside had ended, they almost went inside to investigate. Before they could, Slade’s figure had emerged from the building. His clothes were shredded for the most part and he had his own blood on him, but he was unscathed otherwise. “I think it’s time to take you ladies up on your offer. Let’s go somewhere private.”
They had looks of desire on their faces. Scarlett asked the question, “Honey, you never did give us your name.”
“Call me Slade.”

Part 1
Date: April 17, 2006. Location: Underground facility in Cardiff, Wales.
“Mr. Slade, What you are looking at is the most advanced piece of tech in the world right now. We can take scans of people’s brains and memories and implement them into this virtual training program. It’s taken years but the kinks are completely, one hundred percent removed.”
“Ok. What’s it for?” Rorick was sitting in a chair in the laboratory listening to the scientists speak. Carter was flirting with the young receptionist at the desk. At 16 she was too old for him but he was so tall like his father and already muscular - she couldn’t tell he was younger and she was loving the attention from someone closer to her age.
“Essentially we can put people into a virtual simulation of some sort of event. We track the data on how they react or fight. We can also give them handicaps like making them have the restrictions of whoever’s memory it is that way your boy for example wouldn’t wolf out to solve a problem. He would have all the restrictions Pam - the receptionist - would have when it comes to available weapons. Lipstick anyone? We can analyze the data and see how to better improve any soldier - or in your case - any Sacred Guard members that needs training. It’s learning all the time!”
“How does he fight if he’s sitting in that chair?”
“When the helmet is powered on his motor functions go into stasis. All of his brain signals that would normally make him move his limbs gets bypassed to move his virtual self instead.”
“I’ll have to see it in action, I don’t really get it.”
“Absolutely sir. We just need a quick memory scan...” the professor put a helmet on Rorick’s head. The scan took about 5 seconds before the helmet was peeled off. “Perfect! We have also been working with the Americans and their “Project Astaroth” division as well as governments in the commonwealth to get all sorts of data. We can even virtually recreate incidents by looking at video evidence! We’ll be running your boy through three scenarios today. One recreated from our cooperation with the Americans, one from your associate Charlie and from your memories. How does that sound?”
“It sounds fine. Boy! Get in here.”
Carter stopped leaning on the desk and winked at the receptionist and walked in. “What’s the problem?”
“It’s time for your test. Get in the chair, boy.”
Carter chuckled a little smugly, but he complied. The professors assistant placed a helmet on his head and another connected sensors to his skin.
Carter woke up on top of a snowy mountain, different from the one he was on as a child. He heard an ethereal voice, the professor in the real world speaking into a microphone. “Test number one, dubbed “Abominable Abominations”. Year: 1976. Location: The Bermuda Island. Subject: Carter Slade. Weapons: two revolvers with extra bullets in the pouch, a hatchet and a machete. Targets: 9 Yetis. Objective: Keep the traveling group alive. Extra Hazard: Avalanche could occur with noise. Ice is a slipping hazard. Start mission.”
An attractive older blonde woman screamed, “Jesus Christ! We need to go, now!” And she pointed up at the Yeti’s they were incoming already.
Carter turned to them, “I’ll handle this. Whatever you do, don’t fire your guns in case of an avalanche. Get everyone out of here.” And with that Carter turned and sprinted towards the Yetis.
A man with darker hair and facial hair, wearing marine camo had a confused look on his face, “I must be going crazy, that wasn’t Slade was it?”
The blonde woman answered, “You must be seeing things, who else would it be?”
Carter ran up the mountain, quite a bit faster than Rorick did back then. He did the same move his father did in this situation. He threw the hatchet like a tomahawk into the face of the yeti, not quite killing it with just that. He followed it up with a flying kick, kicking it further into the brain. Eight left. He used his momentum in the air to crouch into a dive between the legs of another, slicing its whole back up and his way back up. The Yeti’s organs fell out through the back. Seven left. He tossed the blade in the air only to catch it with upside down, bringing the blade backwards through the chin of another and through its spinal chord. Six left.
Carter kicked up the front of another Yetis as momentum to kick himself in the air. He dropped the knife so the blade went into the gaping mouth of the yeti as it looked up at him. He stomped it hard coming down, shredding through another one. Five left. Two tried approaching him from each side, he jumped in the air and did the splits as he kicked both in the face. They recoiled from the kick and as soon as they brought their heads back into position, the revolver barrels were into the creatures’ mouths. He pulled the triggers, significantly muffled by the surrounding flesh and organs, spraying them everywhere. Three left.
The last two yeti’s stopped advancing altogether, six of them being killed in only seconds. The creatures actually decided to act a little smart. One rushed for the group and the other two tried to attack Carter. He stabbed the machete into one’s heart. Two left, but where was the other one? By pure instinct, he pointed one gun straight up into the mouth of the Yeti, it was trying to bite his head off. The skull muffled the gunshot again as he pulled the trigger, not even looking at it. One left. Carter casually walked over to his hatchet still in cavity of the one’s skull. He threw it at the one trying to reach the survivors - catching it in it’s spine - effectively paralyzing it. He casually walked up to the creature as it tried to crawl away and finished it off with his machete.
“Well old man, I heard that most of your crew died when you did this.”
In the real world Rorick watched through the visual monitor, half astounded at the boys skills and half displeased at his attitude.
The professor leaned into the microphone, “Test successful. One hundred percent. Loading test...”
From the monitor Carter was flipping everyone the bird and smirking. The landscape changed from the snowy mountainside to a dark forest at night.
“Test number two, dubbed “A Nightmare to Remember.”
Carter muttered to himself, “What kind of asshole is coming up with these names?”
“Year: 1976. Location: The Bermuda Island. Subject: Charles Hudson V. Weapons: KSG runic knife and wooden tribal spear. Target: Giant Bat. Objective: Protect Gale Peterson. Extra Hazard: Darkness. Start mission.”
Carter had seen Gale as an adult before in his younger years. She was attractive for an older woman for sure but he had no idea what she was like as a teenager. She had dyed hair, piercings and a denim jacket. Since she was the right age, Carter found her cute. She looked surprised to see him, “Who the fuck are you? Where’s Charlie!?”
“Relax darlin’ he’s safe I assure you. Follow me.”
The pair started walking. “Are you related to Dresden or Slade?”
“You could say that.”
“I see the resemblance, you’re so tall.... and large....” she blushed as shyly at him. Hard to believe this was a simulation.
“We’re arriving shortly, I’ve been sent to take care of the problem.”
“What problem?”
Before Gale could walk into the wall of fur that was the giant bat, Carter snapped the spear in half and stabbed both eyes with them she screamed at the creature flexed it’s wings and screeched in pain. He took the knife out of his pocket and jumped high in the air, slicing it open as he came down.
“At least give me a challenge!”
Gale seemed to faun a little at his skills.
“Test successful. One hundred percent. Loading final test.” The professor’s voice boomed.
Carter winked at her, “Catch you in a few years.”
With that she disappeared. The environment shifted a little, but otherwise it was still a dark forest.
“Final Test, dubbed “The Watcher in the Woods”. Year: 1992. Location: Woods in the state of Ohio. Subject: Jesse Palmer. Weapons: Video camera, if you can utilize it. Target: Watcher. Objective: Keep Alive. Extra Hazard: Darkness. Start mission.”
Carter looked down at the video camera in his hands. Inspecting it showed it was a cheap make. It wouldn’t be of use against something as powerful as a Watcher. Carter knew of their tendency to hide and sneak up on prey.
Back in the real world, the professor noticed Rorick had a grumpier look than usual. “What’s the problem sir?”
“The boy is more skilled than anyone I’ve ever witnessed. I just wish he wasn’t so damn arrogant. He’s too good and he knows it....”
“We’ve had about three dozen people take this last test before. Even the ones that passed their first two have always failed this last one. It’s unbeatable.”
Carter turned slowly to see two hollow, silver eyes staring down at him. “I’ve never had the displeasure to look at one you things before. The creature was almost a dozen feet tall. It’s body was similar to a bear but it’s hands had eagle-like feet with long talons on the end. It’s face looked like a bull skull with pointed fangs in the mouth. It also had moose-like antlers.
The creature bent onto all fours and roared in his face. He didn’t even flinch. “That’s some rancid breath you have there.”
With insane reflexes he slammed the camera into the Watcher’s eye socket. In the same movement he used his momentum to land on its head. He grabbed onto each antler and stomped on its skull as hard as he could, trying to break the antlers off. The creature let out a ghastly wail and tried to reach up to him with its sharp claws. He jerked its head around to avoid the claws.
Eventually he managed to stomp an antler free. He forced the bottom of the antler - which came to a jagged point - right into the other eye socket of the Watcher. It thrashed about as he drove the antler deeper and deeper, like how you would stomp a spade shovel into the ground. Eventually it reached the monsters brain and it fell limp. The body twitched in spasms but otherwise it was still.
“That’s more like it! What else you got?!”
The professor and the rest of the room were silent for a couple moments. He leaned over to the microphone, “Test successful. One hundred percent. Ejecting subject...”
Suddenly Carter’s physical body started to move again, he sat up and ripped the nodes off of himself, and removed the helmet. “It was fun doc, but you need to add some more challenging scenarios in the future. The last one was tougher, I would rate it a B. You want to give it a shot old timer?”
Rorick stood up faster than he should have. He was about eye level with the teenager. “You little prick, I thought I raised you to not be so arrogant?”
“That’s where you’re wrong Father Time, I was raised to be the best of them all. Or did you forget?”
Rorick swung his fist at him, Carter dodged it casually with a look of amusement on his face. Everyone else in the room gasped at this outburst. Rorick swung again and Carter caught his wrist and jabbed his neck with two fingers. Rorick instantly dropped to the ground unconscious from the pressure points. “He always gets like this. It’s time for his nap anyways.” He picked his father up over his shoulder, “We’ll he seeing you.” And with that he was off.
Date: September 30, 2011. Location: San Jose, California.
“What brought you guys down here in the first place?” He was a black man named Marcus. He was the head of the KSG in California. Marcus was walking beside Carter who’s figure looked massive in comparison. Now fully grown, Carter stood at about 6’8”. He had sleeve tattoos that spread to his upper chest and shoulder blades. He was wearing blue jeans, sneakers and a vest with the KSG logo over his white t-shirt and sweatbands on his wrists. His dark hair was short and slicked back a bit. Rorick was on a stretcher, getting transported down the hallway with four more KSG members pushing the stretcher, he was bleeding profusely from a wound in his side. Even the pressure being held there wasn’t keeping it from leaking.
“The old fool tried fighting a mob of ghouls by himself. We managed to track down Victor Roland. He’s never let go of that grudge since the day my mother was killed. The ghouls ambushed him when he decided to investigate by himself.”
They got to a room where Rorick was moved onto a better bed. He was bleeding profusely and losing strength. Carter actually had a look of concern on his face.
“Carter. My son...” Rorick called out to him. This took most of them by surprise, especially Carter. Rorick had never referred to him as anything but “boy” before. “Leave us, it’s my time. Don’t stop it.” Rorick motioned for everyone to leave, they listened. Once the door was closed he continued, “I don’t have much time left, I know that I’ve been cruel to you your whole life son. We’ve never seen eye to eye on anything; I blame myself for your animosity towards me. I wouldn’t blame you if you hate me and see pleasure in watching me die, but you need to know that I truly do love you son. I need you to know why I did what I did.” His speech was intermittent with coughing and gasping for breath.
“Your brother Dresden died on the island where I met your mother. I had such a soft spot for him, I never pushed him to do anything he didn’t want to. His technique was sloppy and undisciplined. Against my wishes and my orders he followed me to that god forsaken place. He didn’t have the skills or training to survive. I never thought I would have another kid and I dedicated my full time to training the members of the Guard. The night you were conceived is also the night I quit doing my duty to run the order. I tried my hand at happiness with you and your mother.... Only to have her and most of the order ripped away violently.....” Rorick was openly weeping at this last part.
“I was so scared of losing you too that I tried to detach myself from you. My upbringing was very difficult. It ended up giving me amazing skill and mastery in a multitude of aspects. I was told that I was the best the order had seen since Argylus himself was part of Arthur’s round table. I took all of that pain, hatred and hardships I endured and turned them up past the threshold of human sanity and human decency. In the end, you’re the absolute pinnacle of what mankind can achieve. You’ve grown much more humble these last couple years and grew into the man I knew could lead our people.”
Rorick reached out for Carter’s hand. Carter stared at it for a moment and clasped his hand in his father’s. Rorick continued, “I know you’ll change the world someday. In fact.... I think you already might have......I.....Truly.....Love..........You...............Son.....................” With his last words, Rorick’s hand went limp.
Carter held his father’s hand for a minute and looked upon him, lost in thought. Once he let go of his father’s hand he stepped away, “You know....In a way....I loved you too old man......Dad......” With a goal in mind and a new sense of purpose he stepped out of the doorway, ducking to get through.
Stepping outside the door, the members all looked up inquisitively at him. “I’m going to finish his last job. When it’s done, let everyone in the order know that I’m in charge now. Say nothing until then, Victor Roland has no idea I exist or that I’m coming for him tonight.” He walked past the others and headed for the armory.
“Carter, what other orders do you have for us?” Marcus asked.
Without turning around or stopping Carter yelled back, “I’m taking my father’s name, Slade. See to it that’s what you call me. I’ll handle this myself.”
The newly christened Slade walked into the living quarters to his room. He changed his jeans to biker chaps and he removed the the t-shirt, vest and wristbands. Slade put on leather boots, a muscle shirt and fingerless gloves in their place. Grabbing a long black sheet from the closet he ripped a piece off and tied it into a bandana. He looked kind of like a pirate he thought as he looked in the mirror. Finally he grabbed his long jacket from his closet and flung it over his shoulder, he headed for the armory next.
Slade grabbed two large machetes with runes and holy symbols carved into the hilt and blades; they also had sheaths that hung at his side. The next thing he grabbed was a long hunting knife that went on a strap over his chest that he could pull down if needed. Next, he grabbed a loaded shotgun and slugs for another holster, a sub-machine gun with clips and finally a small emergency pistol that he slipped into his boot. Before he turned to leave he sensed someone approaching the room, “You know I’m the only person even your master stealth abilities doesn’t work on, right Julia?”
“Didn’t hurt to try...” she replied back. Julia always had a crush on him, admiring him for years. She was trained how to be a master assassin and stealth operative, one of the best.
Slade turned around in full gear, his jacket a long coat but the sleeves only came just past the elbows. “If you try to stop me or follow me, I won’t be very pleased.”
“I know that sir, I wanted to bring you these.” She presented Rorick’s ancient revolvers and holsters. “They have the perfect aim, balance and weight, but you probably know this, don’t you?”
“I’ve snuck in practice with them for sure. I even got to use them in that simulator when I was 16. Thank you.”
Julia had never heard him say the words ‘thank you’ before, she was surprised by it. “All of your bullets will be capable of killing vamps. I’ve included extra rounds for the revolvers as well..... Just... Don’t die Carter....Slade I mean....I don’t know what I-“ she caught herself, “WE would do if something happened to you......Are you sure you don’t want backup?”
He lightly grabbed her chin and pointed it up to face him, “Hey,” He whispered softly, “I have no plans to lose. The streets will be safer for everyone when I’m done.” With that he gave her a kiss and walked out, buckling up the revolvers to his side. She watched as he headed to the hardest fight of his life so far.
Less than an hour later, Slade was walking down the street towards a club. This club was eerily similar to the one his father and mother visited in ‘89 to hunt Victor Roland the first time. He went to the back exit and placed some packages on the back door. He went back to the front and made his way to the entrance. The club was loud and there were lots of innocents being bribed in by the attractive vampire women on the street. They looked vaguely gothic but all had otherworldly beauty. One in particular noticed Slade approaching, his weapons were all hidden by an even larger coat and he wore a hat over his bandana like his father wore. In fact they were his father’s.
“Look girls... Slade has come alone...” She whispered.
Another answered, “He’s old and crippled, who cares at this point? Just let him through and let Victor have his fun.”
As Slade grew closer one of them - she looked like the leader - noticed his face and figure. “Hold on a second. Who is THIS?”
The vampires all gave off an intensely sweet aroma that almost stung Slade’s nose a bit. The leader talked to him, “Name’s Scarlett honey. I need to get to know YOU.” The other vampiress’ all started to admire him as well. “You don’t want to go in that club, why don’t we take you somewhere else nice with the six of us? You’re so handsome!”
“Maybe after ladies, I have business inside.”
“I recognize Slade’s clothes, trust us honey, even in his prime he wouldn’t survive in there. Especially so close to feeding time. Take up our offer instead.” They started touching his arms and pressing themselves against him. “We only lure people in because Roland makes us. We get fed well before hand so we can stay outside. It would be such a waste for someone like you to get eaten before we could experience them.”
“I’ll take my chances Darlin’.”
“Didn’t you hear me? Slade in his prime wouldn’t survive, none of you are him.”
“You’re right I’m not. I’m better.” He winked and walked towards the doors.
The women frowned, “What a waste...”
The body guards recognized Rorick’s outerwear as well. Slade made a point to hide his face better and fake walking like his father as well.
“Well shit, I thought the ghouls got to you! Doesn’t surprise me you’re still kickin’! Pests never seem to die. Normally we would try and stop you but the boss want you to himself. Go on in!”
He nodded and walked through, keeping his head in shadows. Most of the figures in the room all turned to look at him and stare. The DJ turned the music off. Everyone was staring at the hulking figure in the middle of the room in silence. The only people looking around at everyone in confusion was the humans.
Victor Roland walked onto the main floor clapping his hands, “Rorick Slade! We need to stop meeting like this! The last time I slaughtered almost all of your people! I know you got Borokov, but it was a small price to pay to make you suffer! I’m sure you know by now that I’ve snuffed out - What is it? - 6 different generations of Slade’s in the last 500 years? You want to make this lucky number 7?”
“One of those people you killed was my mother.” Roland and the other vampires exchanged confused glances, not expecting that voice. “And now because of your doing, Rorick is dead too.”
“Ok now I’m really confused, who the hell are you?”
Slade threw off the hat and overcoat to show his regular attire, “Carter Slade bitch! You die tonight!”
He instantly drew the TMP machine gun and sprayed it into the crowd of vampires in front of him, they turned into ash in droves. Vampires rushed him from behind but he pulled out the shotgun and fired into three of them.
Roland turned tail to leave but Slade tossed his shotgun in the air, grabbed his hunting knife and threw directly into Rolands’s bodyguard’s forearm which staked it to the wall, pinning Roland in the process. As he grabbed the falling shotgun he pumped it with one hand and smacked a vampire with it. Tossing it up again he grabbed the handle and shot more vampires with a buckshot. The TMP ran out of bullets so whipped it into a vamp’s head. He switched to two-handing the shotgun, now getting to pump it between rounds. No matter how many threw their bodies at him none could get close. He casually walked the distance towards Roland, killing vampires with every shot.
Slade threw the shotgun directly into the face of a vamp with enough force to crack its skull. The bodyguard managed to pull the knife free and charged at Slade, who casually dodged away and shot him in the head with a revolver. As he turned to ash the knife fell towards the floor. Slade gave it a kick directly into the head of another vamp. Roland was trying to find the exit but Slade pressed a detonation switch. The entire back exit caved in, taking some vamps with it and blocking his exit.
With his free hand he pulled the other revolver out and laid waste to everyone around him. Roland was just steadying himself. From Roland’s point of view he could see the once full club reduced drastically in number and dropping faster still. Miraculously the humans in the club were all untouched. For the first time in his long life, Roland showed actual fear towards this new Slade. His life was actually at risk. He was able to do on his own what an entire team of Sacred Guard members failed to do.
Now out of bullets, Slade holstered his guns and pulled out his machetes. Two more heads rolled to the floor before turning to ash. Out of options, Roland knew he had to go all out. He started to transform into a large man-bat like creature. Slade gave a sly grin, “Finally! I was wondering when you would stop acting like a little bitch!”
Roland roared in his face only for Slade to slash at him with a blade. Roland was much quicker than expected and swiped the blade out of the way. As Slade slashed at him, he managed to parry with his steel-like claws. Most of the vampires in the building that had started to evacuate saw this as an opportunity to rejoin the fight and get the upper hand on him.
The humans had already started escaping with their lives. Now with dozens of regular vampires to deal with in tandem with Roland Slade was finally showing signs of struggling. For every vampire he took out another one managed to land an attack on him. Roland got the upper hand and knocked one of Slade’s machetes out of his hand.
Roland managed to get Slade’s arm holding the other machete pinned to the ground with his full body weight. Slade reached for his emergency pistol from his boot and brought it to Roland’s face. Roland’s gaping mouth got close to his face he shoved the pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger until the clip was empty. Roland collapsed on top of Slade before turning to ash and blowing away.
Slade got to his feet and looked around at the much smaller numbers of vampires around him. He felt his machete that was thrown pierce him through the chest from behind. The remaining vampires all started to cheer in victory. He looked down at the blade and swung the other around decapitating the one who stabbed him. He pulled the blade from his back and blood poured out from the cavity. The vampires left had all stopped cheering, he closed his eyes in meditation and the blood slowed to a trickle and then stopped altogether. His other scars had all started closing themselves up and healing. “Well this was fun. Who wants to die next?” As they turned to run, Slade slaughtered the remaining vamps in the building.
Scarlett and the other ladies were outside still. They had noticed the humans run outside in a panic and a couple dozen vampires as well. By the time the commotion inside had ended, they almost went inside to investigate. Before they could, Slade’s figure had emerged from the building. His clothes were shredded for the most part and he had his own blood on him, but he was unscathed otherwise. “I think it’s time to take you ladies up on your offer. Let’s go somewhere private.”
They had looks of desire on their faces. Scarlett asked the question, “Honey, you never did give us your name.”
“Call me Slade.”
Click here to read Slade’s next adventure

Back at it with the thirteenth week of /MLS seeking on in here before midweek action. Welcome HazardSuitor as the new Sounders ranker, and also we still have the NYRB spot open so sign up if you're a Red Bulls fan!
Individual Rankings

Rank	Team	Record	Movement	Blurb
1	Toronto FC	7-1-5	0	An unfortunate red card to Marky Delgado was the only blemish for Toronto as they thrashed Columbus 5-0. Vazquez was exceptional, picking the Crew apart nearly every time he got on the ball, and TFC fans even got to enjoy some all-Canadian goals late in the game thanks to Hamilton, Osorio, and Edwards' contributions off the bench. Oh, and Giovinco and Altidore were both out of the lineup.
2	Chicago Fire	7-3-3	+4	The Fire dispatched FC Dallas' B team easily, probably easier than the scoreline suggests. But, it's not Fire's job to pick the team they play against, just to defeat it, which they certainly did. The Fire are on their first 4 game winning streak since 2012 and have equalled their win total from last year already. Talk about a turnaround. Nelson Rodriguez and Veljko Paunovic deserve an enormous amount of credit for the performance thus far. The team seems to be improving week after week and at this point anything less than a playoff spot would be beyond disappointing.
3	FC Dallas	5-2-5	-1	No rankings submitted
4	New York FC	6-5-2	-1	Unfortunately I missed the first ~30 or so minutes of the match, and that's where the majority of the action happened. That said, seems like Atlanta made the most of their opportunities. We played decently in the 2nd half, but nowhere near well enough to catch up. Ring's yellow card means he's out next match, which could prove to be a huge problem on Wednesday against the Revs.
5	Atlanta United FC	5-4-3	+2	No rankings submitted
6	Sporting Kansas City	6-4-1	-2	Hilario Grajeda got the correct call on the red card decision. Woe is me. Our dear Fidus Achates Peter Vermes, probably chewed on the boys after that abismal misuse of nearly 75% possession during the Colorado "great escape." Why we shoot 25 times and only put 2 on frame beats the hell out of me. If there was a goal on top of the goal, every shot Roger Espinoza takes would go over it. Indubitably? The Roaddron faithful can all asseverate Latif Blessing incapable of headers. Henceforth, Soony Saad will be stricken to practicing headers for the next week until we figure out who besides Dom can clinically score in the air. It's not rocketscience. Open your eyes and redirect the ball with your forehead. Alas, when you observe Jimmy Medranda and Seth Sinovic exchanging heated words about passing lanes and missed give and go opportunities, clearly we've got a problem in the dressing room at the moment. Colorado continues to have our number, despite their unimpressive run of form. Our lack of team chemistry in the final third is baffling. Pablo M was cachinnating as he rolled in the SKC tears filled grass of DICK sporting goods park. We need to get our poop together because Minnesota is a force to be reckon with after picking up three this past weekend. Hopefully our good form at home will lift the spirits of a weak attack minded Sporting. (wipes tears from eyes) QQ..... back to my donjon to reflect on the meaning of these dropped points. To the Rapids community, when you have to account for 700 away fans to get you over the 17,000 attendance marker... you should probably figure out how to get more butts in seats. Any minutiae peddling this week, mjconns?
7	Houston Dynamo	6-5-2	+3	The Dynamo earn their first road point of the season with a draw over FC Dallas, a very nerve-racking game despite the lack of goals. While we did not dominate in posession and gave up the ball in many occasions while building up to create chances, the Dynabros managed to stay composed defensively, earn the clean sheet and split the points in the first Texas Derby of the year. Shout-out to my bros that made the trip up to Frisco! We'll be heading back home after a long road trip to host Real Salt Lake on Wednesday and then travel up to Cascadialand to face Seattle Sounders on Sunday.
8	Orlando City SC	6-5-2	-2	The Lions took on their former coach and OCSC legend Adrian Heath and walked away with nothing. The team has recently lost their shooting boots, as they took 20 shots and more than half were off target and only 8 on. An easy way to beat the Orlando is with counters and over the top balls as recent games have shown this to be a weakness. The lone goal came on a tight onside/offside goal showing why you play to the whistle. Now at 6 winless, the team will look to find themselves with two home games this week against DC and Chicago.
9	LA Galaxy	5-5-2	+8	It wouldn't be summer without the Galaxy turning on the heat would it?
10	New York Red Bulls	6-5-2	+2	SPOT OPEN
11	Portland Timbers	5-5-3	-3	Portland's string of poor results continues as the team flounders on the field. The Timbers will host San Jose this Friday at home, and hopefully the effort to secure all three points will start alongside the XI. Defensive summer signings can't be worked into the team soon enough.
12	San Jose Earthquakes	5-5-4	-3	While having Alashe and Godoy out didn't help, Dom Kinnear could have done much better in setting the team up. Kofi Sarkodie in particular was awful, responsible for 2 LA goals and coming off at halftime for Nick Lima who should have started in the first place. I'd also like to see Danny Hoesen(a goal and an assist against LA) start up top in place of Marcos Urena. Urena has been wasteful with chances and cannot finish to save his life. We definently could have done much better. Disappointing.
13	Seattle Sounders FC	4-5-4	+3	Sounders beat Portland, unfortunately though it was a 1-0 with some questionable refereeing. Seattle is about to enter a very rough patch as it sends Dempsey and Morris to the USMNT. Thankfully, as last season showed, everything up to the mid-season transfer window is just a rehearsal and the real fun starts then. During that time we expect to sign a third DP and at least one other player, if not more. In Garth and Schmetz we trust.
14	Philadelphia Union	4-5-4	-1	All good things must come to an end, as the Boys in Blue saw their four game win streak broken with a 1-0 loss at Real Salt Lake. Tired legs has been floated as an excuse, but that's not a valid excuse when the Union didn't have a midweek game. Oh well. Next game sees Philadelphia traveling to Yankee Stadium to take on NYCFC.
15	Columbus Crew SC	6-7-1	-4	Crew SC forfeited their game against Toronto FC this weekend due to unforseen circumstances. Nothing to see here. Move along. Crew SC play again Wednesday.
16	Vancouver Whitecaps FC	5-6-1	-2	It looked like things were going well for the Whitecaps. So naturally they lost in a disappointing frusterating fashion. Despite having an abundance of wonderful scoring opportunities, not a single one of the 22 shots taken by the whitecaps was able to beat DC's Hamid and their star DP defender Crossbar. Some DC player dived in the penalty box, got a complete BS penalty that is quite possible one of the worst calls ever made against the Whitecaps, (rivaled only by that one call by Geiger, we hated him before it was cool), then he got suspended. Oh, and the Whitecaps missed a penalty right at the end after more referee madness. And of course the video referee was being tested at this game. VAR can't come soon enough. Whitecaps now travel to Montreal for a Canadian Championship final on Tuesday. I wonder how that will turn out.
17	New England Revolution	4-5-4	-2	Outside the comfortable confines of Gillette Stadium, the Revs continue to struggle. They've managed 2.33 PPG at home, good for third in the east, but now post 0.29 PPG away, just two points in 7 games, easily the worst in the conference. This is a trend that must change if New England hopes to make the playoffs.
18	Minnesota United FC	4-7-2	+1	TODAY IS GONNA BE THE DAY THAT THEY'RE GONNA THROW IT BACK TO YOU... Man, winning feels good. Especially a game like that. However, the Loons now head back on the road where they've been less than impressive. Hopefully they can bring home some points before some of the starters leave for international duty.
19	Montreal Impact	3-4-4	-1	No ranking submitted
20	D.C. United	4-6-2	0	I have been informed that DC United stands for Diving Cunts United, which I will not dispute after the dive that Ortiz took in the box against Vancouver. Bill Hamid stood on his head and made a plethora of great saves, showing why he is the best shot stopper in the league. Vancouver were not helped out by DC's newest signings, Crossbar and Post, which made many crucial saves for DC United.
21	Real Salt Lake	4-8-2	0	Savarino is coming in with a dream start, and RSL fans hope that the goal marks the start of Plata's rapid rise up the scoring charts. Rimando of course keeps amazing everyone with his reactions and adding numbers to the MLS record lists.
22	Colorado Rapids	3-8-1	0	Put one in the win column boys! The Rapids got a very rare early goal from Kortne Ford, whose Mom is currently suffering from cancer. From there on out it was the classic Rapids defensive style of play that seems to work really well against Sporting KC, and has resulted in many a swear word being uttered by the blue faithful in Kansas. Definitely not nearly as good a sign as our 3-0 home against San Jose, but I'll take two shutout home wins in a row. Today the Switchbacks play OKC in US Open Cup action in Colorado Springs, and on Saturday Rapids legend and 2010 MLS Cup MVP Conor Casey is getting inducted into the gallery of honor!

Alright, bought my winter upgrades team, got everyone I wanted in terms of BPL shit, now time to blow the rest of my money on packs! Obviously if support drops off for this I'll probably suck, and as a warning my reddit formatting sucks balls, but, here we go!
EDIT: I'm on Xbox and will be updating every UP/High Rated PlayeIF, failing that it'll be every five packs. Comment if you're monitering, let's get some action going!
1) Schar, has the dreaded h/h and never grew for me in career mode.
2) Elm, not much to say.
3) Hamouma, his IF severely disappointed me.
4) Sivok and 1000 coins, never even heard of him.
5) Jonathan and Luis Alberto. Did he get an upgrade?
6) Schafer, ok friend.
7) Jonny Evans. Never realised how weird his work rates were.
8) Savic. Interestingly, always a solid career mode signing for me.
9) Oblak! Love me some Atleti, his stats are solid too.
10) Lichtsteiner! Love his IF, but so does everybody.
11) Lavezzi! Not a bad pull, but would've preferred PSG's other South American winger, amaright boiz? ;;;;;;;)
12) Back to non-rares. Gabi. So classy I'm not even mad.
13) Oh boom our first upgrade! UP De Gea! Literally just bought him for 60k as well. :') Oh well, I'll be listing him after this is done.
14) Radu/Shawcross. Eh.
15) Vitolo. Never heard of him, looks balances, every stat over 70 apart from a horrendous 26 defending! Weird.
16) Ashley Cole and Elia! Sucks to hear Cole isn't having that great a season, but really happy to see a player like Elia at Southampton.
17) Behrami, a player I didn't know existed.
18) Lescott! Loved him at City (I'm a city fan, should say now), we haven't been the same without him. 19) Rafa, that portugal/Braga colour combo doe.
20) Oscar, the spanish Liga Adelante one. :P
21) Dost, who apparently I already had, and 1 free gold back, which I'll open later.
22) Hazard! The CAM, obviously, but of course you saw that coming. I'm pretty sure it's a pack opening tradition.
23) Van Der Wiel! Interested to see how he does against Hazard when Chelsea play PSG.
24) Lestienne. Decent career mode signing, fyi.
25) Movsisyan. Apparently his IF last year was godly for some people, but it never clicked for me.
26) San Jose and Masilela, who is probably fucking annoying to play against.
27) Joaquin. Fun fact, I literally -could not- find this guys IF about two weeks ago for a Serie A squad I wanted to try.
28) Another UP! Take a bow Enner Valencia. Well deserved imo this season, going to put him on my UP squad bench.
29) Nastasic transfer. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you here broham, I had such high hopes for you. 30) Adin. Decent stats for a non-rare!
31) Isco UP! Definitely sticking him in my fitness squad, phwoar, look at those staytz!
32) Traore. Fuck man, what happened to your stats?
33) Our first duplicate. Lescott. It still hurts to see him in his city kit.
34) Richards. What is it with these ex-City players tonight? All three of them have been still wearing their city kits. :'(
35) Jagielka. Solid in career mode, his IF this year was baws.
36) Strootman! Disappointed not to see him in the PL this year.
37) Accidently opened my free pack. Aogo. Was alright in MGH's career mode.
38) Kondogbia. 2* weakfoot and skills, oft.
39) Uche. Euch. Playing him in game you would -not- think he has 86 pace. What's that about?
40) Gundogan. Who I cannot fucking use this year. :|
41) Mathieu. Who I hear takes freekicks for barca sometimes?
42) Salpingidis. I kek'd at the name.
43) Castro. Who I think was actually quite sick in Fifa 12?
44) Koke! More Atleti love.
45) Soldado. Poor guy, I was so excited when he and Negredo came to the PL.
46) Gustavo. Quite like him, not as good as he used to be in FIFA though. :/
47) Douglas Costa! This guy always fucks me up for some reason when played at ST. :|
48) Eduardo Vargas. Amazing starting ST this year for me. Also got Dat Guy but fuck, Arsenal are so lucky Sanchez is dominating this year.
49) Aboubakar. Looks useless.
50) Fiftieth pack magic? Not a massive one but UP Tadic! As most people will agree, his stats are still way too low on the card. :/
51) KOLO, KOLO KOLO. Seriously, the ex-city ghosts are strong this year. In seriousness though, no idea why we let this guy go, exactly what we need right now.
52) Konko, my least favourite RB in the game.
53) Finally, a current city player! Frank Lampard makes an appearence, and his calm proffesional look earns him a spot on my bench. Fun story: My cousin has just got into FIFA, and he's a total little shit when it comes to being a sweat monster. Played one against him where I was City and he was Real. Beat him 7-1 and Lampard scored from about 47 yards out. He now spends all his time on the training ground with Lamps trying to score ridiculous longshots.
54) Huddlestone. Doesn't look as solid as he should to me. Hm.
55) Akhmedov. Another insane flag/badge combo, look it up! Stats aren't terrible either.
56) Wanyama. sold him for like £30 mil in my Southampton career mode.
57) Neto. Who I did use breifly in some weird Serie A/Ibra hybrid.
58) Another one bites the Dost! Second duplicate. As a note, a few of my auctions have popped during this, so this could end up more of a 1.8~ mil pack opening. We'll see how it goes!
59) Sneijder and Ramires! Not a bad pack at allll.
60) Ferdinand. Was really impressed with his WC punditry.
61) Morales. Who is apparently already in my club.
62) Choupo-Moting UP! Dingdingdingdingding!
63) Rafa again.
64) Oxlade-Chamberlain! Imo this is the guy Arsenal fans should be rooting for over Jack Wils. Ox works hard every game, stays out of trouble, and generally looks like a nice guy. Wills looks like a chavvy twat who doesn't care as long as he gets paid. And he broke that girls arm. :/
65) Demichelis! Another non-rare defender with odd workrates.
66) Barkley. Was kind of hoping for better than he's done this season, hopefully he'll move to a big team soon where he can thrive.
67) Fausto Rossi. Eh.
68) Williams. Ehhhhh.
69) Carvalho. Naughty.
70) IF BUSQUETS!!!!! Toot toot! Already tried this card out earlier this week, and can confirm he's so good, perfect for my style of play. Will be giving him away as well as a few other cards at the end of the pack opening. Stay tuned!
71) Hummels, that's two good cards in a row, love High/Medium defenders this year, always have at least once in the squad if I can. Slightly more risky but you get some lovely interceptions which you can use Hummels passing to capitalise on.
72) THAT'S THREE IN A ROW WE ARE ON FIRE GENTLEMEN. James Rodriguez makes an appearence, will also be giving him away after all packs are opened.
73) Another UP! It's the 4* CB, Can! Not sure how much he's going for, can anyone enlighten me?
74) Costil. Nice hair.
75) Couple of non-rare golds and Adama, looks decent.
76) Montolivo. #respect.
77) 2 Upgrades! Naldo and Ferreira Carrasco! 97 agility on that boy btw.
78) Volland, again remember him from an MGH career mode.
79) Chadli. Intersted to see how he does ocver the rest of the season.
80) Riou. Nothing of interest.
81) Pareja, the CB.
82) Bendtner. He had to show up eventually.
83) Frey. Remember him being a solid choice for keeper a few years ago? Kek
84) Zoet. Last pack before we drop to below 1 mil, a third done folks!
85) Jefferson. Card looks decent.
86) Chris Smalling, was it him who has the same about of goals as ADM or was that Phil Jones?
87) Viudez. Whoever he is.
88) Calhanoglu, who is omgdefinitely! worth any investment in career mode. Longshots and free kicks for dayzzz.
89) Siggurasson UP! That shooting boost!
90) Kehl. As in Kehl me please.
91) Hummels again! Getting back into the swing of things now...
92) Maksimovic. Who's stats are... awful. o.O
93) Gameiro. Didn't he get a stupid OP IF in fifa 12?
94) Danilo UP! Tasty RB card, really well balances. Hope to see him in a big league next year.
95) Five off of the 100 mark, what do we get? Klose! Loved him at the WC, such a brilliant acheivement towards the end of an incredible career. Also who doesn't love 'MIROSLAV KLOSE!'
96) Felipe Anderson. Hm.
97) Bernat UP! Again, looking like a very tasty card. Born on New Years Day, fun fact.
98) Maksimovic heard what I said about his stats and didn't like it, he's back for more...
99) Howedes, looks solid this year!
100) The big one zero zero! Deulofeu, who was really good for me in my Everton CM last year.
101) Fuck you Konko.
102) Beauvue. Whoever that is.
103) Jordan Henderson. Sort of surprised he didn't get upgraded.
104) Steven Gerrard! Funny old order of players sometimes. :') Fyi, Gerrard dominates this year.
105) UP Martins! Inspired to make a MLS squad right now...
106) Back to silvers. Mateo.
107) Lescott again. I'm sorry Joleon, I wanted you to stay! On a side note, any of you guys do anything cool for valentines day? Me and my girlfriend drank bourbon and watched Space Jam. We're both 21.
108) Kagawa UP! Loved his IF this year and I think I'll definitely be putting his UP in some sort of squad.
109) A record 3 duplicates. De Jong, Neto and Berezutskiy.
110) Another UP Martins. Might as well give this one away.
111) Transferred Doumbia. Discarding for the good of us all.
112) Distin. Probably a solid choice, and fuck me, 71 pace at 63 years old?
113) Montanes. I want to say he got an UP? O.o
114) 799000 coins left and I got Trasch. Don't understand why he's rare tbh.
115) Criscito. Not much to say here.
116) Leon Britton. :| Nuff said.
117) Tasci. Ehhhh. :|
118) If ever there was a case for a winter downgrade it would be Mignolet. I know he's improved lately but fuck me he doesn't deserve the same handling as UP De Gea.
119) Rudnevs. The highest rated Latvia player in the game. Fun fact, in the Marvel Universe, Doctor Doom is supreme ruler of Latveria, which is a totally different country. :P
120) Rolandoooooooo. Kek'd.
121) LM Vargas and Carrillo. Two of the best Peru players in one pack.
122) Moya UP! Nice to see Atleti with a decent GK again.
123) Argentinian for Man United.... It's Rojo. :/ Still, a decent CB I feel, and he gets a spot on my bench.
124) Arbeloa. Not bad, also Aurier. I thought he was a shoo in for an upgrade tbh.
125) Alex! Used his PSG card soooo much when 352 was king. It still is for me, but I've improved my game so I can use more technical CB's.
126) Bare with me if I spell this wrong. Karcemarkskas. Lithuanian GK.
127) Sweat king, Emenike. Discarded for the good of us all. (DFTGOUA)
128) Jung. Not interested m8.
129) Adam Johnson, who is always fucking -amazing- IG for me, since Fifa 12. Crazy good dribbling. Also, back to the ex-city players. :/
130) Heurtaux, whos name I hate.
131) Kaka, whos name I love, and Rodwell, who, contrary to popular opinion, I think could've been good enough at city.
132) Come on, this is getting dry... Gourcuff.
133) Juanfran! Deserved an UP, even if it was just to correct his original rating.
134) Glushakov... Come on guys, I know that UP Neymar is around here somewhere...
135) Steven Davies. OH BOY MY PANTS RUNETH OVER.
136) Danny. Which also happens to be my name, pretty sick.
137) Caballero. Who is a massive waste of money tbh. Not as good as Pantimilon, but has a less weird head. So.
138) Skrtel, lovin' that bubble beam m8.
139) Barzagli. Hate playing against this guy. -.-
140) IBARBO ALERT, RW UP IBARBO ALERT! DFTGOUA! Also Manuel Torres, who is looking super chunky atm.
141) Pelle and Forster, who I both would've said were outside chances for an UP.
142) Camacho, who sounds like a DBZ move.
143) Colotto. As a note, I'll be stopping this at 1 million, as I'm getting tired and I want a chance to play with my UP team tonight. Current spending is about 900k.
144) Fernandez, tasty 5* skills.
145) Van Dijk. Funny name.
146) Boateng, the non CB one. People rate him really high this year but I just don't like him.
147) Ruddy Rudy.
148) Two guys who's names my keyboard doesn't have letters for. Keks.
149) Kaya, who I fucking loved on UT last year, and it shit on career mode for me this year.
150) Last ten packs now... Paletta.
151) Buffon! So shit for me in-game it's insane. :/
152) Brkic. How would you even say that.
153) Luiz Gustavo! Again. Cheers m9.
154) Rosicky, who is one of my dads favourite players, funnily enough.
155) Williamson. Excellent. :|
156) Go away Soldado.
157) Abidal. Big ups.
158) Carroll, whos IF fucks me UP this year!
159) Second from last pack... Pastore, who was one of absolute favourites in FIFA 12. Not a bad rated CM now either.
160) Final pack of the night. Thanks for sticking with me, those who did. I know it didn't blow up like some of these do, but I had fun anyway! ^{_^} My favourite pull was probably UP Isco, and UP Kagawa, going to have a lot of fun with those two. Final pack contains... Raffael. Satisfactory end to a satisfactory evening. Thanks for joining me guys, stay safe out there!